Always pack a minimum of one extra pair of undies

This just came up in a discussion with my daughters awhile back…they were relating in a group text how they always remember to follow the rule that I taught them when packing for family vacations.

I was in Des Moines Sunday and Monday for dr appointments and an ultrasound Monday. Because I retired from Iowa, I still carry the group health insurance from the county and because any dr appointments or treatments, other than emergency, that I might have in Missouri are out of network, I choose to drive back to Iowa to theoretically save money. So, laying flat on my back on the ultra sound table Monday I kept turning my head to see what was on the screen (and for the record, I have no idea whatsoever interpreting what I’m seeing). When she was finished with me, I sat up on the table and thought…wow….I’m dizzy. But I walked out into the waiting room to wait for my doctor appointment. I wondered if I was dehydrated so I leaned over at the drinking fountain in a main hallway of this large clinic and vertigo hit like a hammer. As I gripped the water fountain I was able to wedge myself between the fountain and the cutout in the wall to remain upright until somebody who looked medical walked by. I was wedged in so tight that everytime I took a breath, the water fountain turned on.

Finally I was pried out of the cubby, placed in a wheel chair and wheeled into Urgent Care where I received two shots and relaxation that we only dream of. I called my friend, Suzy, who works nearby to rescue me. No way I could drive back to KC. We had a makeshift slumber party. I did a pharmaceutical slumber and she watched over me. Thank you, Suzy. The next morning I was thrilled that I had packed 1 extra pair of undies for my trip! Oh. And nothing serious going on with me…just some leg vein issues from my mostly unhealthy life style when I was young!

Until next time….

You little bastard…

I realized this week that I was premature in naming Rex! I realize that I did not really think through the adoption of a teenage cat when there are 4 grandparent age cats in the house. Evenings are no longer peaceful, winding down hours in the day. It is the time of day Rex….known now as You Little Bastard….loses control of all discipline.

This is Rex taking a breather before he launches another battle

This is one of his victims

At least the grandfathers are getting a little exercise running up and down the steps and leaping onto tables and developing arm strength batting You little bastard when he just won’t stop. I’m now carrying a spray water bottle and jumping up and down off the couch and developing a healthy trigger finger. I’ve been here before but then there were 5 teenage/young adult cats who could each hold their own. It will be ok….I mean, he’s a cat….how long could it possibly take to train him. Hahahahaha.

Until next time…..

Please stop me if I’ve mentioned this before…

OMG how many times this has come out of my mouth lately!

It just reminds me how precious the days are as I move closer to the winter of my life. I’ve gone through the other season at such a rapid pace, I don’t remember most of them.

The seasons, when you are a child, mean nothing…children adapt and find play whatever season they are experiencing.

Spring…young adulthood…everything is fresh and new and possible. I remember hearing people say fall was their favorite time of year…..WHAT? Fall….when everything is dying and freezing and winter is coming?

Summer….ahhhh, summer…in particular my late 30s, 40s and early 50s. I loved summer….vacation….fun…friends…the sun!

But somewhere in my 50s I started loving fall…we lived on a couple acres of timber and color and leaves on the ground. Cleaning up….burning leaves, the smell of a leaf fire….the sound of the rural fire department’s siren….some of you will know what I’m talking about 😍.

Now I live in a place where fall lasts a little longer. This view from my living room window has been catching my eye several times a day.

Its November 1st and I can still enjoy this beauty.

I’m in the fall of my life…I’m not too busy to stop and just take it in. I’m figuring out what is important and what is not important. I’m finally witnessing the beauty of life “nearly” everyday.

Until next time…..

Halloweeeeen full disclosure

I used to pay these two off NOT to go trick or treating although NOT until the age that they knew what $10 would buy at Walmart…. Kind of a family dirty secret *OMG, seriously? Yes, seriously $10 bought more in the 80s and 90s than now.

Growing up in Iowa, we went door to door asking for candy on Beggers Night. Not actual Halloween. That’s just dumb, Iowa. It was not until we moved to Missouri that I found out that kids solicit candy and pulverize pumpkins in the middle of the street on the actual Halloween. Having a separate beggers night meant that parents really had no idea without asking by calling 911 or just somehow “hearing” what night kids trick or treat. And I wasn’t kidding…there are a lot of inconsiderate and quite frankly selfish people out there. 911 where is your emergency? Uh YA I got a question when is beggers night.

Sometime in the 60s….some of you will recognize yourselves…I learned at the baptist church where my parents did their Sunday drop off and pickup, that if you celebrated Halloween you were worshipping the devil…so somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I always thought I was doing something wrong dressing up and celebrating the devil. That and learning that all of my dead grandparents were up in heaven watching me and knew when I was doing something wrong. But that’s another blog topic.

I’ve never been to a costume party although I do know how to talk the talk about my excitement to do it. My old soul grandson is not big on knocking on strangers doors after dark and asking for candy…which is actually the logical way to look at it considering we scare the crap out of our kids with strangers danger and having manners by not trespassing.

Some of my friends love Halloween and everything about it. I have now officially come out with with truth and I am guessing this will have no effect on our relationship other than a possible side conversation *did you know Nina is a Halloween hater….no, me either!

So there you have it….nothing positive to say but thanks for going down that rabbit hole with me.

Until next time….

Last days Bennett Spring 2018

This particular spot on the stream is my holy place.

Spent many mornings on a bench here watching Phil, Brett and Brett’s dad, Rex gracefully lay their fly lines gently on the water over and over. Its beautiful to watch. This is sacred space for me….peaceful, quiet and a place where I can connect with loving spirits.

Until next time….

From the south, there are two roads to Lead Mine Country Store

There is the easy, yet curvy blacktop. Then there is the road less traveled …the dueling banjos road. When we turn off 64 highway onto the gravel, I get a little lightening bolt of excitement because the roads are gravel, narrow, curvy, washed out and not very populated but they are the most beautiful backroads during the fall! Pictures never do justice but here’s a few I snapped.

The Lead Mine Country Store is packed full of everything you might need to live a clean, healthy Amish, Mennonite, off-the-grid lifestyle. In the back of the store is a small restaurant serving homemade food…cash and check only…no credit cards, no internet signal and no cell phone service. They speak with what I assume is a german-Amish accent which is pleasing to my ear. During the meal, I enjoyed listening to the two girls conversing and singing to themselves but just a little out loud.

Until next time….

I woke up to 45 degrees this morning at Bennett Spring…

Of course it was 8:30. I have no idea how cold it got last night but we are sleeping under a sheet and 3 blankets so it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is the rolling out of bed shower….that fear when I step into the shower wishing there was a foolproof way to check the gas level in the tanks. Knowing the water heater doesn’t hold a lot of water, last October trip I stepped in and started rinsing before the hot water reached the shower area as i always do … ya…it’s cold but I knew when the hot water got there it would be divine!….the temperature of the water did not change…so then I was really cold AND wet.

Absolutely perfect autumn day in southern Missouri. Leaves are not peak color yet but they are beautiful.

Started the day meditating along the stream.

Watched the bald eagles on the Niangua

He found a couple sticks and made me walking sticks for hiking the trails today, saved $17.99.

He sketched while I read

Took a drive after supper “somewhere” we didn’t have an Internet or cell signal and only nearly one and a half lane roads but we found a Missouri crossing type “bridge” over the beautiful Niangua River

Until next time….

Empath

Once I started doing the work. Once I started listening to my inner self. Once I realized that therapy was not the end all for a peaceful life. Once I was introduced to the possibilities, I started changing….I started reading books and listening to the people close to me who had a different outlook on living the best life for themselves. Once I calmed down and realized that many of my opinions, behaviors, prejudices and judgements were not really mine but belonged to the people who either shaped me in my childhood or were learned from my emotionally fearful peers, I started figuring out where my bottom line of recovery needed to start. I do not believe that this learning ever stops. I believe that just because you KNOW, you are just on a different path…but I don’t think I will ever really KNOW in this lifetime.

One of my first ah ha moments was when I read an article about being an empath. I teared up recognizing myself in the words. It resonated with me…I was in my knowing. I knew I was an empath. This morning a Facebook friend shared This empath article. Which sent me to my dear diary blog to document my thoughts….and share it with someone else who may need the insight or nudge.

Until next time…..

Those human qualities

It hasn’t been that long ago that I “mentally” attacked the woman who held up the line in the checkout at the grocery store counting her pennies, checking every grocery sack before she put it in the cart and then left her shopping cart sitting in the middle of the parking lot rather than walking two cars down and putting it in the corral. I mentally insulted her with my thoughts about her buying a case of diet Dr Pepper and the fact that her shirt wasn’t long enough in the back to cover her caboose.

This event has played several times in my head since it happened because I knew I needed to think through my reaction realizing that my irritation level and my anger at this woman was blown out of proportion relative to the experience. I, now, have a pretty good idea why this triggered me …. it would have to do with my embarrassment and irritation watching my mother behave in a similar way as this woman. I loathed the way my mother treated other people with smugness and disrespect depending on how she perceived their station in life.

I have found that the first step is recognition realizing what triggers me from my past. At this point, I really believe that when we behave badly or disrespectful whether it be in our thought process or actually follow through with hurtful, angry or self absorbed verbal comments, we are really reacting to our own insecurities which triggers behavior, perhaps, learned in our upbringing.

Working through this scenario in my head is part of my continuing process of becoming more loving, kinder and more mentally positive in my everyday life. And these little blips of our humanity are just that….little insignificant blips.

Until next time…

Attachment string cutting….

What would I be doing with my life had we not moved away from everything we knew…”everything” referring to familiarity and perceived comfort. I know that I am a lot more comfortable in my skin now. This could be geographical location and opportunities or job burnout and dysfunctional thinking which “caused” depression and anxiety after 30 years of liking AND despising my 911 career choice. The story I told myself was that “good” people die and “bad” people circle the drain continuously. I know for a fact that any change in the story of my life would mean that I wouldn’t be me

I wonder how different my life would be today if I had been lucky enough to have more than one living grandparent while I was growing up or if my parents had been younger models and if I had shared early life with at least one sibling. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be me!

I wonder how different my life would be if the friends I invited to have a seat in my life had not died or geographically or emotionally moved away…I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be me.

I’m learning from Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr in Mastery of Self…”An attachment is the action of taking something that is not part of you and making it a part through an emotional or energetic investment”. “Most people not only attach to their wants and desires as they relate to material things, but also to their beliefs and ideas. Although an attachment is something that can occur naturally in the moment, it becomes unhealthy when you lose the ability to detach from it when the moment ends or when the belief no longer reflects the truth. In many ways, attachment to beliefs are far more destructive than attachments to external items, because beliefs and ideas are much harder to spot and let go of.”

Until next time….