This idea of having boundaries….

It’s a concept I’m just learning to actually HEAR. On this incredibly personal journey I started so many years ago, I stopped at every crossroad in order to re-evaluate right, left, forward or often screaming NO and running back from where I had come. The thought of creating boundaries was always the one thing causing me to retreat…..

I was raised an only child by older parents with completely different personalities. My parents (who did the best they could do) used me as a child of about 8 and onward to be the glue in their relationship…talking to me about their problems in and out of their relationship and teaching me quickly to be a problem solver and a people pleaser. They sent me out into the world incapable of setting up personal boundaries.

I frequently step or run forward to do the things I want to do but I’m usually dragging someone or something else with me, not in my best interest, because I’m just afraid to say no.

This morning two memes mentioning boundaries popped up on my FB page….my spiritual soul grabbed on …. holding tightly as if I had never before heard the concept. And just like that…I know where my awareness will be focused.

Until next time…

How they made me feel

I had one of those moments this morning…I liken it to a sparkling dust of wisdom falling from the sky and gently landing on my shoulder. It’s those ah ha moments that gently ring your bell of recognition and it feels like….like….a thunder shirt for a dog. It was just ANOTHER small glimpse of a moment that I’ve been able to see through the peep hole of who I am.

Quite a while ago I seized on the Maya Angelou quote, At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Jeff Foster, in the book Deepest Acceptance touched on removing the story you have told yourself about difficult people in your life and see them without your story, without your pain or whatever emotion you have attached to them. See them new and fresh…see them just as they are. I immediately looked in the corner and saw my memory image of my mother as just a person I did not know. I really looked at her…I understood the lesson.

…..and then this morning the little poof of sparkle. Yes, in fact, we can love everyone as human beings…as ourselves….even those folks that make themselves hard to love by their behavior…..I have to remove the story I tell myself about them…good or bad….by knowing how they made me feel. It is often nearly impossible to forget the event, to forget what they said, to forget how they literally crumbled your heart or your self esteem. The reason is the emotion I attached to them how they made me feel. I may not remember the story just right…I may not remember exactly what was said…I may not even remember why I can’t stand them…but I’m always attached to them by emotion…by the way they made me feels. Releasing the emotion may not be easy, but realizing that this is my story, my emotion, my path gives me ownership. I am seriously tired of all of the angst balled up in my chest because of my perceptions of past transgressions but I have the choice to close the door and not rent space to them in my head from this moment on.

Until next time….

Mansplaining. (not for the faint of heart)

For 6 decades I have endured conversations with men who were hell bent on explaining things to me about things I know more about than they do. Like woman things or let’s say folks on the other side of my profession aka the other side of the radio explaining my job or just things in general like explaining down to me as if I were just a potato? I always protected myself and them by just thinking to myself…ahhh, small dick.

Over the years, He has mansplained to me and quite frankly, I have also talked AT him the nuances of life. It’s just what couples do…at least we do. For the most part one of us will just glaze over…or if a nerve is hit, there could be some raised voices and hurt feelings.

Today, I received a phone call from a woman who was a manager at Orkin…she wanted to come out and review our appointment with them last May…mostly about how well they served by eliminating our insect problem. Sure…at least I don’t have to fill out a survey on line because quite, frankly, on a scale of 0 to 10 surveys has become a 2nd career for me. I told Him that the person coming out was a woman…he said, great…somebody who won’t mansplain. After that comment, I realized yes, I would marry him again.

We are doing a lot of ego work in the book studies we do at Unity. We are ripe with recognizing when our ego is controlling us. That’s not to say we are enlightened but it does mean, in this situation, that He…the man…helped me to understand what mansplaining really is…not to bash on men because we all have tremendous egos that need recognizing…but mansplaining may just be a symptom of insecurity and protection because they may be feeling unloveable, inadequate or not measuring up?!?

I hope I can recognize the beating drum of fear we all experience instead of judging someone as pompous or arrogant with small genitalia. I’m learning….

You know you don’t have to be an asshole!?!.

I was exiting a parking lot onto a frontage street…there were cars trying to merge into the line…so thinking everyone else would do the same thing, I allowed a car in….hoping the car behind me would do likewise. They did. The guy behind the car I allowed to merge was so desperately offended that I didn’t yield to him also that when he got behind me, he opened his window and yelled f**king C**t. Oh my!

I watched a guy in an old pickup stop for an elderly woman in the right of way crossing between the store and the parking lot. As soon as she had passed his right bumper he gunned his big loud machine so she would know how totally injured he was for having to be courteous.

So many damaged people who don’t have the tools (or, perhaps, someone that cares about them) have a tendency to make hurtful and disrespectful comments in order to hurt someone else so they feel bigger and better about themselves. It doesn’t work. Those damaged people just come off as assholes and their intended victim must learn to let it go and not attach any emotion or self confidence to the behavior.

It’s hard to remember that when we come across someone who is hurting for whatever reason, that we do not need to feed their bad behavior, but to love that person as you love yourself…because we are all connected. What we put out there is what we get back.

Until next time…

Things not always the way they appear

Listening to a group discussion Saturday morning, I could not turn away from the view out the old windows of the building.

I was focusing on the red tile roof. I realized that I had viewed these roofs often from a car window and from the ground…from afar. I liked the way these roofs looked from a distance but I had never really thought about what they might look like from a birds perspective.

I noticed, this morning, that this tile roof was not perfect aesthetically. I wanted to crawl out that window and even up the layers…the more my critical eye judged this roof the more discontented I felt because I was comparing this roof to what I knew of shingled roofs. I wondered how this disheveled tile roof could actually do its job and protect the inner building from water leaks.

….And then I wanted to take a picture of this very unique view. I had begun to appreciate the beauty and nonconformity…this work of art made from the clay of the earth. The ugliness or beauty of the roof was how I chose to see it.

Until next time…

I’m pretty sure it was just last week

And I’m not talking about vacation. The semi-annual event of changing out the warm and cold weather wardrobe….also known as..the OMG I FORGOT I HAD THAT … THIS IS BETTER THAN SHOPPING event.

Fortunately being an empty nester pack rack, I have extra closets for the cyclical clothing exchange. As well as this huge tote big enough to bury a body in.

Please do not misunderstand. This tote is big but I can’t use all of it because there are several bottom layers of clothes I haven’t worn in 15 years that WILL fit me again…some day!

So far seems like the hot to cold transition here is going to be friendly. Trees around my nest don’t seem to be changing yet, although the early leafers have fallen off in a brown, crisp, twisted death….I look forward to the strong color changes around the neighborhood.

Happy Autumn!

Gloucester, Mass…Glawster

The oldest seaport in the United States…Gloucester shares the land point with Rockport. We are at that point of the vacation where we are ready to head home….still enjoying the sites but less zealous…..

We stayed overnight in an out of the way hotel…the Sea Lion. It was quiet and outdated and comfortably simple.

My main agenda was visiting the fisherman’s Memorial but then we were intrigued with the the rest of it.

There is just a different feel in a village like this in comparison with the Midwest. We especially loved the city hall and the ship cupola on the top of the weather vane.

During this trip to the east/northeast, I’ve been very aware of the melting pot of different cultures, different accents and languages! I was especially aware of a different drummer that Mainers dance to as opposed to the Midwest. #gratitude for the experience and gratitude for the “living in the moment” lessons I’ve been practicing and used during the complications during the first part of the trip.

We are vegging now in a beautiful suite in a burb outside of Boston, Gotta love Orbitz rewards…

Northeast Harbor and Producer Dick Wolf

The trip to Pemaquid lighthouse was my favorite day until we made the Northeast Harbor our 2 day home. Northeast Harbor is on Desert Island which is also home to Acadia and Bar Harbor. We drove through Bar Harbor…it was beautiful…packed with tourists from two cruise ships in the harbor. It was unbelievably busy. Just north of Bar Harbor proper is the main entrance to Acadia.

And our view of the harbor

We took a 3 hour cruise around the islands…set foot on working lobster island…cranberry. Learned a lot about lobster catching….fascinating!

Lots of “famous” aka stinkin’ wealthy people have summer homes in the area..Martha Stewart, the Sears family, the Godiva Chocolate family, Lands End….and Tv producer, Dick Wolf and his 3 boats

Shockingly this $40 million dollar house was among the cottages along the water

Here’s some random scenery pictures….

And I swear this dude looked familiar

What the Maine coast looks like…granite

We took a day trip away from the hustle and bustle of Boothbay Harbor…over to Pemaquid Lighthouse…

The travel time consuming aspect of the Maine Coast is driving down into each peninsula or Island to see things shore related. But also these little side trips south give you the opportunity to slow down and relax as you drive through little villages. The speed limit is often 20-35.

The lighthouse and maritime museum was enjoyable. I could not go clear to the top of this one, (which obviously wasn’t very high) as I got to the place of stepping from the iron ladder into the tiny room with 6 other people I couldn’t do it. But, as I started wandering outside I was enveloped by this.

It was one of those places I could have stayed all day! Breathtaking! The granite lines the walls along the highways and lines the coasts and cliffs. Similar but so different from the rock formations in Missouri and other places we have visited.

Maine is the Pine Tree State. There are those too!