Sometimes…..

sometimes we get so caught up in the drama and speed of our lives that we don’t remember, realize, recall just how lucky we are and how much we are loved, as well as, our capacity to spread our love around.

We spent a long weekend “back home” in Iowa.  My heart was beating out of my chest Friday watching our youngest daughter as she worked with deaf kids participating in Iowa Baseball Camp for the deaf.  Several players for the Iowa Cubs along with volunteer leaders and interpreters worked with the kids all week which culminated in the Friday morning game played on the field.  The pure joy on the faces of the kids as they hit balls and ran the bases and watching the pure joy of the adult staff feeling the feels from the kids was a warm fuzzy!

Today, I spent the day with old friends and their family (because of who they are and how they love actually feels like my family)!  We were there to celebrate the 25 th wedding anniversary of Mark and Denise…..Denise wearing black shirt.

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The four of us are seldom all together but when we are, we fall back into rhythm and finish sentences we started last time we were together!  I also snapped pics from their video of He and I at the wedding 25 years ago.

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I’m proud to say I’m the one wearing the green dress with the large white bow in my hair 👀….. which begs an answer to the question…why did we wear big bows in our hair?

I am blessed, I am loved and I love!

until next time….

Finishing up

Few things I can name as actual accomplishments, but I feel like some long projects are reaching completion as winter and spring draw nigh.

I sincerely hope the house wrens are about finished decorating for the year because quite frankly their new home is so full stuff is hanging out the front door.

Back splash is being installed today 🤗 which makes me very happy

School is finally out so the opportunities to visit our youngest daughter …teacher, not student… will, in theory, be easier. I’m making a lot of progress with my daily ruminating. It does feel healthier to let the crap of the past go and focus on the present….the right now. Thank goodness I’ve never been the kind to set goals instead I like to fly by the seat of my pants ….. that’s not to say I haven’t always worried about the future and actually dreaded tomorrow because I wasn’t prepared for what might happen. I’m easing into this way of actually living and not just knowing it’s what i should do and giving lip service to it.

5 things I see right now…the IPAD, my cup of coffee, Frannie asleep on the floor, napkins from Subway laying on the remote basket and the red hurricane lamp sitting on a cabinet that is not flush with the world. 5 things I hear. John spreading mastic on the wall in the kitchen, clock ticking, other clock ticking, house wrens singing and the air conditioner whirring through the vents. I’m in the moment.

Until next time…..

A mile past irritation…

Full disclosure. I’m a co owner in a brick and mortar Vape Shop. Our managing partner re evaluates business, prices and sales every day. She actively re-invents the shop to make it successful. I also agree that Walmart, et al, have the advantage over the mom and pop stores because of buying in bulk and various other advantages while running the smaller establishments out of town. I get all of that.

The news is full of stories of how big names stores now are filing for bankruptcy blaming the on line/internet sales. I still don’t know how I feel about this Conundrum. I really question management and prices and overall corporate mentality when I hear these businesses are going down.

Until this week when he and I went to Lowe’s to look for LED lights for our kitchen. We found flush mount Lights that we decided would be perfect but there was just one display light, nothing on the shelves and after checking stock, the employee told us there were none in stock in any of the Kansas City stores. I questioned if I could just order them ON LINE and pick them up at the store….yes….sure.

So I went to Lowe’s website and it is not possible to order these on line. They are listed under LED flush mount lights but you can’t buy them. WTH

So I did what my gut told me to do in the first place and ordered them from Amazon. The exact same light. They will be delivered on Sunday.

I call BS! And as a little caveat….Lowe’s needs to step up their customer service in all areas. Home Depot is leaps and bounds ahead of them. You heard it from me first.

Until next time…..

I’m not a bird “person”…

Because it would actually not be consistent with being a cat person. I’ve actually only been attracted to birds since I’ve had cats realizing the hours of pure enjoyment for the cats staring out the window perfecting their bird click. That weird little noise they make indicating they are exercising their chops.

I grew up with a dad who loved the purple Martin. He erected Martin houses everywhere we lived and also at his mothers house. In 84, when he moved to the country, he added blue bird houses along the fence row and I can still see my daughters walking the perimeter with him while he cleaned them out.

But I’ve never appreciated birds….could it be the movie, The Birds, that scared the crap out of me…especially when I saw it in 3D at Disney World.

But then I noticed….ahem….how could you not hear… the house wren visiting the deck,, so I decided to hang the little birdhouse just to see if he/she would make it a home.

Sure enough.

So as my friend, Wilma, suggested I also put out some dryer lint. This little wren detoured to the dryer lint and left his little stick.

What is happening to me.

Just a little glimpse into my life.

Until next time….

The Dining Room

It’s done! I made a lot of changes and I didn’t take before pictures. But I significantly lightened up the green….it was very dark. He took up the not-well-preserved hardwoods and extended the kitchen flooring. I had a very large white china cabinet which I sold and replaced with a cabinet I had in my kitchen. And I switched out the heavy dark valance for a lighter sheer with hangy-down things. All in all with these changes, it seems we doubled the size of the dining room.

I also rehung these

They hung on the living room wall when I was a child, then they hung on the living room wall in my parents newer house and they have had a spot on my dining room wall since we moved into this house. I don’t love them for their asthetic value but they remind me of my history.

…..and then this lamp. It’s old. My grandma Green always had it sitting in the large window in her “front room”. It was on an old library table surrounded or I should say crowded with her many, many violets. It’s one of my most precious pieces.

Written by me and for me but visitors….thank you for sharing a little glimpse into my life.

Until next time….

The silverware of our lives

As an only child and only niece … actually the only child born to two sisters from the teens of the 1900s…. I inherited everything. Almost 9 years since my mother and aunt passed, I’m still sorting and sorting, storing and donating and then doing it all again the next time I start feeling overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have. Today, I went through silverware…some of it I grew up with either at home or my aunts….and I’m sure most of it was handed down from their childhood….and I have a set of silverware from his mother….and I have silverware that I actually purchased for us that my kids grew up with. That paragraph does not EVEN include the good silverware that I keep in velvet lined boxes and bring out for large family meals. Ya. I still do that. Setting a beautiful table is part of my DNA.

Going through all of the silverware today….hahaha….pictures to follow. I remembered this pattern and that pattern used during my life. My heart felt especially warm when I found the old ice tea spoons that we used for years before we got the new ice tea spoons. The new ones are at least 40 years old.

Here we go:

Just the serving spoons I continue to keep

The daily silverware that goes back in the silverware drawer…

The collection still laying on the bedroom floor

And the forks I bought at Goodwill one year….there used to be 4. These are mine…everyone knows it.

And for some reason that spoon is my favorite. No idea where it came from. Kind of the bastard spoon. It’s always the one I use if it isn’t dirty.

Just a glimpse into who I am.

Until next time….

When the scar tissue is too thick

I remember the first time I felt bad enough to seek out therapy, I was a well functioning mess! That was many years ago. The nice face and laughing, loving personality was a facade. I should have been in Hollywood….pretty much everything people saw was an act. Therapy helped…I was able to dangle low and could reach the bottom to tie on the knot. I got better and was on anti depressants…I felt like I had seriously dealt with my demons.

A few years later after an anti depressant change, I was going under again so same place, different therapist (a woman this time), I blistered the walls with fire and hate. I unloaded. I discontinued therapy sooner this time because I felt like I had seriously dealt with my demons. But I remained on anti depressants.

If you have read previous blogs, you know that in February 2017 I stopped anti depressants. It was difficult. It was ugly. It was good. But I’ve had to learn to live unmedicated. Mild depression waves in and out….anxiety seems to be my most serious complication. I chose to change my behaviors…I started meditating, living more spiritual and learning to be more mindful. But I also realized that there is sill more crap I need to deal with which I will describe as needing to do plastic surgery on the scarring left behind. It’s different. The scars not the injury is the best way I can describe it. So, I’m back in therapy. I feel good about it. I’m probably not going to share a lot about it. I’m more vulnerable now and not full of hate. It’s called recovery!

Thanks to you who have been along on my journey so far.

One of those days I have to extra prep for

It’s been 8 years since Brett passed. I’m getting to that place where my memories don’t cause me pain and longing…I can now just remember him with love and thankfulness.

My BFF/sister-in-law, Gena, buried her sweet mom today. Marj spent the last years living with Alzheimer’s disease so her kids had already been mourning the loss of their mother. It was a blessing to view all of the old pictures of the family over the years…..I think having the camera ready and capturing life’s fleeting moments is so important…no matter what you weigh today or how your hair looks!

He and I had a quiet, reflective day…didn’t have the boys because Jax is sick…so we had an opportunity to just be.

Until next time…..

The kitchen remodel

Dear Diary:

5 years ago when we bought this house, we decided that the kitchen needed upgrading…so to get us through, we decided to have the cupboards painted and had a laminate counter top put on to replace the well worn counter top. To make it fit we had to rip out the old back splash…and we didn’t replace it because we knew we would be eventually ripping it all out…so why did I think I had to have a new countertop 🙄. Kind of bummed when we went to Lowe’s and priced cabinets…$$$$ and they were not exactly what we wanted…so I finally called a guy here in Pleasant Hill. He’s retired and does this to keep busy and I liked him and his kitchen ideas and suggestions immediately. So we decided to go for it!

HE is doing the removal! It started with the floor while I was in Vegas.

Today….it begins! We will be living with no kitchen other than the refrigerator for a couple of weeks. Thinking about the process caused me some anxiety…but now that it’s happening, it will just be another adventure and so worth it.

Keurig in the bedroom…hmm…not a bad thing…two sinks for dishwashing…not a big deal….4cats and one old dog thinking…seriously, you didn’t think just moving the couch 6 inches was enough to mess with us ??? 🙀

Until next time…..