After reading my blog of a couple days ago, my daughter checked in on my emotional health and quite firmly told me to shut off the damn TV and stay off the internet…I’m quite confident she thought I was spiraling to a psychotic break. She was right. So, over the weekend I took a TV News as well as political Twitter and Facebook break. She was right. He and I even avoided our Sunday morning ritual coffee with Chuck Todd and Meet the Press. I’m reasonably clear headed this Monday morning.
I tend to have an obsessive, addictive personality. Like a dog with a meaty roast bone. I’m not going to analyze this one but I’m confident that when we only take in negative information all day long, a hateful message, negative, negative, negative we get sick.
I also see through to the other side of the forest and realize by digesting all this political BS, I feel like a victim…that I don’t have control of my own life and what is scarier than a head on collision knowing you can’t save yourself!
So, Dear Diary, that is where I am today. Focusing on what I can control and avoiding taking in the negative that I cannot control.
Until next time…
I used to eat, sleep and drink my job as a dispatcher. I lived with a total commitment to the job. Towards the end of my run, I also became very involved in the emergency management end of it and lucky for me, the EM director thought I had a lot of potential and taught me everything I could manage to soak in. In my memory he is still one of my favorite people…ever. The theory is very complicated but the take away is teaching and learning and working with police, fire and EMS agencies to handle critical incidents and my job was to learn their protocols so I could take it back to the 911 dispatchers. Dispatchers understanding the reason for procedures in the field just enhances their ability to be the connection to all of these agencies out in the field.
Another of my very favorite EMS people was Wendy…she was a mover and shaker with one of the small town fire/EMS departments. We didn’t immediately hit it off. It was a learning curve. She was also very dedicated and also as a hospital RN, I always felt she ran herself pretty thin. Over time, we developed a good working relationship and I learned to respect her perspective of her job and vise Versa.
I’ve just learned with the rest of Facebook world that she is sick…the chemo kind of sick. We were never let’s-have-coffee friends and we don’t keep in touch…but this one hit me hard. These are the kind of people that work behind the scenes to make our life better when we need them. I believe most people don’t really give a second thought to these people…dispatchers, police, fire, ambulance and all of the other nameless, faceless people in our lives that are there when we need them.
I needed some perspective today on what the important things and who the important people are. AS far as Wendy…she’s a fighter….and I have her back with all the positive energy I can send!
- I have a hard time figuring life out when good people and kids die young
- The only way we are going to survive is if Trump and McConnell, et al become incapacitate or die
- Everyone has their own opinions but why is my living and breathing dependent on evil people
- Judge people and their actions based on the life they live
- Loss of compassion and kindness for people I don’t like (see judge people…..)
- Lack of tolerance
I realize the negative thoughts and hatefulness are in direct opposition to my desire to live a loving and peaceful life. I know that these thoughts are my thoughts and are affecting my soul. I know that genuine inner peace cannot survive with my thoughts that are full of hate. I know that I can stop reading, watching and listening to the evil surrounding me but it seems in doing so, I might as well eat sugar and drive down the road with my eyes closed. What I don’t know can kill me.
Until next time…..
My 3rd Chicago concert in 4 years at the Starlight Theater in Kansas City. Walking out of the theater last night, Sue said this venue kind of spoils you for other venues. Back to Chicago….while they didn’t disappoint, the Doobie Brothers had me wanting to throw my granny panties on stage. He and I saw Doobies at the Sprint Center and it was just too loud and I didn’t take my earplugs…but in an open air venue….they were amazing.
And the geriatrics….I danced non stop until my hair was dripping in the back and today there is not an inch of my body that doesn’t ache. A beautiful ache…
I feel young again!
Until next time….
When we got back to Bennett Spring tonight, we took a walk along the stream closest to the actual spring. As frequently happens at dusk after warm, humid days the fog hangs over the stream. We’ve experienced the fog so thick that anglers were totally enveloped…
He picked up a trout tag for tomorrow so there will be fishing! Rex and Diane Hall will be here from Iowa. It will be a perfect day with or without trout.
Counting my blessings!
Until next time….
I’ve been sort of working on geneology for his side of the family. One of his aunts apparently has compiled a lot of research but I haven’t seen it yet so I’m doing it also and hopefully will be able to compare information. The particular difficulty I have is a result of my mother being a Brown who married a Green and I in turn married a Brown but we aren’t 1st cousins and what I’m finding out not cousins as far back as 5 or 6 generations. I’m so intrigued with the movement of our ancestors and I continue asking why…will never have an answer to those questions but I continue to ask. On his Brown side, great grandparents hailed around Coles, Illinois then sometime in the late 1800s made their way to Cold Springs MO near Rolla, MO….where his young adult grandfather made the hike to Newton, IA. Being about an hour from Rolla, we took off this afternoon to visit the spirit of the ancestors. Cold Springs is only a memory township these days and in the month of June, the Rolla historical society closes at 2:45…we were an hour late!
We did visit the first courthouse of Phelps County in Rolla…sitting in an old courtroom, I mentioned that it is possible some of his family could have gotten in trouble and been in this courthouse … he immediately countered with or they might have been a judge. Perspective.
Until next time….
Last evening’s jaunt overto the fishing hole was a little warm..I think my watch said 87. I’ve been running around in tank tops which is something I would would never wear in public at home…the tree canopies cooled it down and then as always, the closer we got to the stream the cooler it was. I picked out my bench and settled in to watch him fish. I didn’t really even care if he hooked anything just the occasional relaxing cool breeze, the beauty of nature and watching the poetry of my husbands fly fishing technique. The trout that jumped full body in an arc out of the water beside him will always stick in my memory.
The trout and the Veteran. Grizzled old guy ,,,, probably my age,,,sitting on a lawn chair packing up his fishing supplies was approached by a woman walking a dog. By his license plate she must have realized he was a veteran? She stopped asked if she could shake his hand and thanked him for his service. I assumed he was a lonely old angler because he started talking about his three deployments the last of which was Desert Storm. He had been injured several times and had been treated back home for those injuries along with a couple rounds of cancer. He was delighted that he could actually fly fish this trip to Bennett because even last year he could not get his arm up high enough to cast. He was joyful. IT brought tears to my eyes. So many lessons here! so much gratitude!
Until next time…
This is what we have been doing today
Has anyone else noticed I need to have my glasses adjusted?
He took the truck into the Ford dealership this morning. Had a neighbor camper follow him in and bring him home. This is what RVers do…one of these days we may have the opportunity to pay it forward. Enterprise had no vehicles to rent until about 3 pm. By then, he had been in contact with the dealership to find out our brake pads were disentegrating….the truck is a 2005 with 40,000 miles on it rather than a standard 140,000 meaning it hadn’t been driven a whole lot and the brakes just rusted away. Truck will be ready for pickup in the morning.
We’ve all just been hanging out. He and I did take a walk down along the stream after lunch…or what some of you propers call dinner. Made our way over to the park store for a fishing shirt with long sleeves with some SPF protection and a floppy fishing had to cover the ears and unprotected bald spot 👴🏻.
Heading out soon for the stream…have to plan this outing because he will have to carry everything and plod along in his waders…it’s only 1/2 mile where he wants to get in but with his sideward movement, he undoubtedly will end up further away…hey wait…who’s going to carry my lawn chair?
Until next time…
Set up camp on Sunday….mental health temp…awesome..it’s like My soul is sheltered as we drive down into the park!
First day of fishing. He didn’t bring long pants for under his waders … so when he headed to the stream, I headed to Walmart. Side note…I first drove back to the campsite to get his trout tag that he left on the counter. Backing up the f250 is not my strong suit, sure enough I backed into the tripod that holds the 5th wheel hitch steady. Uh oh. A little damage to the bumper and this is really only significant because a couple years ago I ran the side of the Titan into a concrete planter in a parking lot doing some ugly, significant damage to the side of the truck as well as the side step bar. He handles these driving boo boos pretty well although I did here a fair amount of curse words after the initial revelation.
Actually a beautiful day in the shade for me.
- Btw…he determined he no longer needed the long pants under his waders. I’m keeping them in the trailer for future cold weather trips.
- No trout for dinner so we made the 11 miles curvy road jaunt into Lebanon and ate cod. On the way home the truck started making “those” noises. Noises that all of a sudden you look at each other with the “what the hell was that” look.
- As always when the unknown pops up, you weigh all of your options and make a decision which will haunt you all night long because it never seems the right decision.
- Best news of the day was msg from Brett’s folks asking how long we would be here because they were coming Thursday and the rest of the family on Friday. Like a shot of pure joy to settle down the truck anxiety and make life perfect again.
Until next time….
3 years ago, we moved away from everything we have ever known which includes some besties. we moved 4 hours south to a house I love, moving out of the boonies and into a neighborhood which I love (for the most part). We made this decision because I had to have a new start and get away from the negativity and anxiety in my life and afforded us the opportunity to live close to and love fully our grandchildren. I do not regret the decision. With that being said, I miss family celebrations on holidays and birthdays. It is something I could change if I wanted to take the initiative…and if I were more self aware of how I was going to feel.
With that in mind….I spent my birthday, Mother’s Day and Memorial Day as if it was just any other day in my week. This week thinking about my daughters birthday coming up, I started feeling some depression settling in. I decided to try essential oils…I totally am committed to the value of using essential oils for healing…but I was skeptical that just breathing them in could seriously have any impact. I had tried using a diffuser and I love the scents but I decided to try what I’ve been reading. I put do terra essential oils…lavender, bergamot, ylang ylang and Roman chamomile in my hands and took whiffs then I rub the mixture on the bottom of my feet and put the mixture in my diffuser. Within 10 minutes I felt the funk beginning to lift. I did the same thing this morning. The change is remarkable. If you are suffering in your own funk or dealing with your own depression, I encourage you to give it a try!
And…a friend of mine posted This on FB this morning. A good read!
Until next time…..