We really no longer need math either…..

I have been rather shocked by the discussion about curriculum change in schools….not teaching cursive to our kids.  I just can’t believe it.  I assume we are working toward a time when even having a signature…..in cursive….will no longer identify you.  Perhaps I’m just short sighted and we should all go with fingerprints or eye ball scans supplied at the checkout.  Or everyone will be able to just have a PIN number….perhaps just a number tattooed to their hand so it can be remembered.  Seriously….no cursive….and we thought we had an illiteracy problem now.  I guess that was an unneeded jab as books are written in block letters…well, of course.

While we’re at it…what’s the point of learning math?  We have calculators and computers and now Siri…

Welcome to ‘merica!

I’m afraid when the rage comes out….

I would probably appear to be quite passive from those looking from the outside.  I have MOST of the “Christian” values I learned in my younger years…that’s not to say I don’t have internal flare ups occasionally….or that those who really know me might say I have a thread of passive-aggressive behavior.  But for the most part I just shake my head, give folks the benefit of the  doubt …. Help if help is needed and work through if I think someone is trampling on my psyche….and I sometimes have a little difficulty over-dealing with my compassion and empathy for others.

Back many years ago when I decided to be a police officer reserve, someone asked me a question about carrying a gun….would you seriously be able to shoot someone…my response was HELL YES!  If they desperately needed to be dead, I could do it!

Which leads me to my story.


When I saw this jack ass on the news last night saying he had to chain this 5 year old horse to the back of the truck and drag her to teach her a lesson….I filled with rage.  The horse was going to be euthanized because of her injuries but died on her own because of injuries.  I couldn’t quit thinking about it.  I had rage so strong that I had to call upon 60 years of patience, 30 years of self control from my 911 experience and knowledge that this piece of shit was not worth ruining my life for to get a grip.  The fact that he did it was one thing but the interview with the reporter of why and his lack of remorse just sent me over the edge.  I wasn’t thinking about shooting him but I was thinking about joining the others with a vigilante leaning to tie him up and cause him extreme distress and pain.

I don’t like feeling this hate.  I thought writing about it would help me work through it……not yet!

I’d rather die like…..

Interesting learning experience this morning as I so often call Oprah’s ah ha moment.  I thought to myself this morning that I should do my morning 3 three laps on the stairs before Young and Restless started…but then my protective self said….well, you could do that but you’ve only had 2 cups of coffee this morning and no water yet and you know you could get dizzy and fall down the steps…ya…and break your neck….and he is’nt home so you would lay there for awhile…..and then the crazy self stepped in and said…you know…if you died that way at least it would be probably fast and you wouldn’t have time to think about dying.

(I’m watching TV right now drinking a glass of water)

As I processed through this absolute craziness, I realized that in the back of my mind, I’m kind of worried about the cancer coming back and the burden and sorrow and pain this would put on my family and those close to me….and then I realized that I’m taking way too much responsibility for my kidney cancer.  I know I’ve said before that I did not take care of myself in the past and made several very bad choices with my lifestyle…but…seriously I’m not responsible for my kidney cancer.  It happened….for whatever reason…maybe no reason….it happened.

I’m going to work through this some more….

As I’m closing I thought about the line from a movie …. Have a nice trip, see you next fall…ugh…crazy may be running free today.

Until next time….

Sometimes it is just right!

May 6, 2013….nearly 3 years ago….we were out and about with a realtor looking for a house to buy.  She took us to several houses which roughly met our criteria…I was a bit discouraged so when she mentioned the house in Pleasant Hill, I was on the verge of saying…ya…I’m tired…lets just try another time.  When we walked through the front door of the house on Hidden Valley I said This Is IT!  I knew I was home! 

The first neighbor I met was Robbien next door.  She set up lawn mowing for us and offered to keep an eye on the house until we could move in which would be 1/2 a year away.  After living in the country for 34 years, I wanted neighbors, I wanted the neighborhood I grew up in.  Sometimes it is just right!

Dave and Robbien took us out last night for Mexican and lip numbing margaritas as a welcome to the neighborhood.  We laughed because we have been talking about doing this for at least 2 years.  It felt right to be exchanging stories and laughing out loud with these people who have become a part of our life.

When I think of the health crisis year of 2015, I realize that it was, in fact, a nasty year.  Yet it was a great year because we both came out of it and are still breathing.  After the turmoil which made me who I am today, I know that I am finding peace of mind and will be able to bloom where I’m planted.  Sometimes it is just right!

Until next time….

Dappled sunshine

This was me yesterday

Fourth day of a sinus headache and ear ache.  I was also having some vertigo.  Ugly.  I had an acupuncture treatment on Wednesday…had little needles sticking out of my face and behind my ears.  I think it helped get the flow started…then he asked me if I had used my neti pot.  So after 5 neti pot treatments between 4 and 10pm, I’m here to tell you…miracle.  I don’t know why I never think of it until several days of misery!!! Since my kidney cancer diagnosis a year ago, I can count on 2 fingers the times I’ve taken Tylenol for pain.  I used to gobble ibuprofen and naproxen by the handfuls anytime I had pain…but they are killers of the kidneys.    It is amazing the many options available for pain that doesn’t include popping a pill.

He has a total intolerance for wind.  Nothing can foul his day faster that being outside with a stiff breeze.  It makes him very irritable…I’ve always had the eye roll response to his complaining about it.  Then there is dappled sunshine.  Not the beautiful dappled sunshine under a tree in the summer time but driving in the car with the flickering sun in my eyes….a beautiful tree lined highway with the sun behind it and flashing sunlight will cause me to become immediately irritable.  I checked the World Wide Web to see if it was a previously asked question.  Found nothing.  But I figured I would just put it out there and see if there were any like-annoyed people or if I need to seek some therapy?

Sold the camper, BTW…guy coming from Oklahoma today to get it.  *clapping hands.

Until next time….

The remarkable March 23rd

Here HE is….my beloved

Every night he sits down with his bowl of peanuts and a bag for the shells.  I totally expect to look out the window and see critters looking in at him called by the noise of shelling peanuts!!  But darn if he isn’t cute!

I like the Facebook feature which takes you back to your postings years before. ….and today’s memories made me snicker.

In March 2009, during a sleepy midnight shift, I decided to go to eBay and look at campers.  We were talking about moving up from the pop-up and I just so happened to find one in Michigan….and I bid on it….and we got it.  Imagine his surprise.  On this day 7 years ago, we made a 24 hour trip to a small town in Michigan to pick up our new adventure.  A zodiac hybrid camper.


We stopped once on our journey back in a truck stop so we could get some sleep…..in the trucker lot.  We sold the Kodiak in 2010 and bought Brett’s Coyote hybrid camper which ironically we presently have listed for sale.  It would be great if it sold today.

and then there’s this:


From 2011…. Who knew? BTW 2 of my liberal friends commented that they would too.

I will leave you with that.

We have our mind set

Sometimes I think we are so closed to “different” that we miss out on a lot.  Different opinions, different ways of doing things, the refusal to roll with it because it is change, my mama told me it was wrong…so it’s wrong!  I have a hard time with people who are set in their ways and don’t even want to entertain a healthy discussion, let alone go against the truth they have been taught even though we continue to evolve and change as a society.

I personally find growth in change.  I’m one of those purple haired grandmas who doesn’t even like to drive the same route more than a dozen times in a row.  I have always prided myself in being a rabble rowzer.  I’m a rule follower until I think the rules need changed…I still follow the rules until I can work out a plan to effectively upset the apple cart and find a better way and then work to get it done.  Changing things in life does not have to culminate from a loud argument and gnashing of teeth…change is good…change happens whether we like it or not.  THose resistant to change are back there while everyone else moves up in the line.  If I knew then what I know now, I would have been a louder activist for what I believe in and what I want to see changed….and that would have probably annoyed the hell out of a lot of people….and that makes me smile just a little bit!

Doing the same thing over and over does not make it right.  Looking at the color outside the box and realizing that life is an adventure to be enjoyed is dessert!

Until next time….

The big flake

I had a weak moment the other night…..for just a split second, I missed Iowa winter.  I was letting Franny in about 11 and very large snowflakes had started to fall.  I had an urge to put on a jacket and walk around the pond in the dark while those huge snowflakes gently landed on me…I might have even stuck my tongue out to catch them.  These occasional oversize snowflakes during the quiet and darkness of night is one of my great memories of living in the country.

Back in the 70s during my inhaling part of life, I loved the peaceful, meditative times when MJ allowed me to go within myself and relive the peaceful memories.  Ironically, one of the places I would return to is my year at Ozark Bible College.  I would find myself on a walk in the evening to my place in the dark adjacent to the chapel…praying or meditating, breathing and watching stars in this huge Galaxy of ours.  Because of these experiences, I know the beauty of a deep meditative calmness.

I’m learning how important it is to let go of the ego in order to find peace.

Until next time….