I would probably appear to be quite passive from those looking from the outside. I have MOST of the “Christian” values I learned in my younger years…that’s not to say I don’t have internal flare ups occasionally….or that those who really know me might say I have a thread of passive-aggressive behavior. But for the most part I just shake my head, give folks the benefit of the doubt …. Help if help is needed and work through if I think someone is trampling on my psyche….and I sometimes have a little difficulty over-dealing with my compassion and empathy for others.
Back many years ago when I decided to be a police officer reserve, someone asked me a question about carrying a gun….would you seriously be able to shoot someone…my response was HELL YES! If they desperately needed to be dead, I could do it!
Which leads me to my story.
When I saw this jack ass on the news last night saying he had to chain this 5 year old horse to the back of the truck and drag her to teach her a lesson….I filled with rage. The horse was going to be euthanized because of her injuries but died on her own because of injuries. I couldn’t quit thinking about it. I had rage so strong that I had to call upon 60 years of patience, 30 years of self control from my 911 experience and knowledge that this piece of shit was not worth ruining my life for to get a grip. The fact that he did it was one thing but the interview with the reporter of why and his lack of remorse just sent me over the edge. I wasn’t thinking about shooting him but I was thinking about joining the others with a vigilante leaning to tie him up and cause him extreme distress and pain.
I don’t like feeling this hate. I thought writing about it would help me work through it……not yet!