I’d rather die like…..

Interesting learning experience this morning as I so often call Oprah’s ah ha moment.  I thought to myself this morning that I should do my morning 3 three laps on the stairs before Young and Restless started…but then my protective self said….well, you could do that but you’ve only had 2 cups of coffee this morning and no water yet and you know you could get dizzy and fall down the steps…ya…and break your neck….and he is’nt home so you would lay there for awhile…..and then the crazy self stepped in and said…you know…if you died that way at least it would be probably fast and you wouldn’t have time to think about dying.

(I’m watching TV right now drinking a glass of water)

As I processed through this absolute craziness, I realized that in the back of my mind, I’m kind of worried about the cancer coming back and the burden and sorrow and pain this would put on my family and those close to me….and then I realized that I’m taking way too much responsibility for my kidney cancer.  I know I’ve said before that I did not take care of myself in the past and made several very bad choices with my lifestyle…but…seriously I’m not responsible for my kidney cancer.  It happened….for whatever reason…maybe no reason….it happened.

I’m going to work through this some more….

As I’m closing I thought about the line from a movie …. Have a nice trip, see you next fall…ugh…crazy may be running free today.

Until next time….

5 thoughts on “I’d rather die like…..

  1. No, it is not your fault cancer happened to you. We all make bad choices and there are some people who made worse choices than you did and never get cancer. This cancer business is out of our control which makes the situation challenging. I worry about mine coming back too. Once diagnosed, it’s hard not to worry. But I hope we both get more good days than bad days.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There is only so much responsibility one can take. If you want to do laps, do laps and enjoy every second. Crazy is just part of being human.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My husband said to me this morning “better to look good than to feel good”. Now, he was joking. Just commenting on my ongoing lack of sleep but I give it to you now.
    I use to want to, and sometimes still do, apologize all the time for all of my illness and craziness. I know, deep in my intellect that I did not do anything to cause my cancer, but yet, it is still something I am doing to everyone around me. Craziness.
    Wait…what were we talking about? Probably wasn’t about me was it?
    Just keep moving Nina. Forward, sideways, occasionally backward, as long as you don’t stop.

    Liked by 2 people

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