Kind of an emotional day…

First…the Ft Hood situation had a huge impact on me..please don’t think I’m lame, but I watch Army Wives and I’m very emotionally attached to it…when the General gave his press conference tonight on CNN I felt sick because Army Wives has given me an idea what it is like on an army base…I know, I know fiction..but if you’ve never been on an army base, the show enhances the understanding and there has to be some aspects that are true.  I pictured Michael, the general, presenting the information and it made it so real for me.  I thought the General handed perspective to all of us when he said..no, we don’t carry weapons..this is our home…I’m trying to just wait until all of the investigation is completed before I believe the worst…I’m feeling like this was not the act of terrorism, but unfortunately the act of a man whose positive and negative wires were fried.  Regardless, it is very painful in our already angry country.

Tomorrow night is a benefit dance and silent auction for a girlfriend’s brother who is battling cancer. He and I will be going early because he has to work.  I want to show my support and donate some money but selfishly dreading it because I don’t want to deal with his condition and prognosis…this is where that NIKE slogan comes to mind..You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it…

Don’t read the next paragraph if you have delicate ears to the F word… This is from my Xanga pal, Tracy..I just giggled and giggled because I always am very responsible when internet forms ask for my secret question and answer…and I had no idea that everyone didn’t consider this detail to be sacred, but obviously not………

We are working on a large project.  Part of this process is moving a couple of tens of thousands of accounts from one platform to another.  Here’s a request for all of you.  When filling out a sign up form and it asks for your Secret Question & Answer, please remember someone somewhere will probably have to read it…John, I  can’t imagine the life you must have had if your childhood nickname was fucker.
Michael – I just don’t believe the city government in Augusta would allow the Hospital you were born in to be named Fuck Off.

Just when I thought I had the most fun job on earth, I find out that Tracy gets to deal with this stuff …. and once I again I have giggled.

My friend Rod had to put his dog down this week due to medical reasons…very sad…but tonight, he and his new little puppy found each other at the animal rescue league.  Obviously the little dog desperately needs love and it was so special to see Rod so happy and in love…he didn’t think he would get another dog for a while after Warren…but that wonderful relationship between man and dog brought love back into his life.

Until next time…

I have chuckled a couple of times in the last hour to keep me from screaming, running upstairs, closing myself in the bedroom under the comforter…I was nearly killed tonight from a chain reaction of 4 of the 8 animals in the house.  I went in to watch TV – the shows that I missed and DVR’d today…Marley…the 107 pound golden retriever was spread out on the couch…he looked so sweet and cute that I couldn’t yell at him to get down..so I sat down and started rubbing his ears and he was giving me that “oh that feels good, ma” groan…ahhhhh, Baxter (the huge black cat) climbed up on my lap and assumed his position, ahhh, I love my kids…here comes Truman…he’s sitting on the coffee table…oh he’s going to be a good boy… what a good kitty…life is good….

UNTIL>>>>

Marley decided to turn over so I could rub his tummy…of course forgetting he was laying on the furniture, he rolled off the couch on to Frannie (the black lab) who was laying on the floor in front of the davenport…Frannie jumped up and yelped which caused Truman to FLY over onto my shoulder and start sliding down which scared Baxter who meowed with displeasure jumped up, I caught him in my armpit because my arm was coming down from trying to protect myself from Truman’s flight and Baxter proceeded to use the girls (the God given girls in the rack) as a pushing off place, knocked down the gate that I use to keep Billly from escaping out the door with a WHAM…leaving black kittie hair under my arm and I look up to see Sierra running from wherever she was and I’m hoping she will be content to see that everyone is alive and she doesn’t have to attempt to take Frannie out to protect me….

It skeered me pretty bad…….there are times when the cats sit around and just stare at me…from all corners of the room…or you walk into a room and they are all sitting on the honches…I wonder if I’ve interrupted a meeting…are he and I and the dogs safe in the house with them?

It is 12:47 in the morning, I’m at the computer and have the desk top stereo cranked..listening to oldies..93.3 KIOA…the station I listened to before the station and I were oldies…

I worked 3 hours tonight…Alayna called in sick so 3 of us split up the time.  Working OT when you don’t have to work an entire shift is painless for me.

As I speak in generalities here, my intent is not to irritate..I’m merely presenting an observation….and my observations may be a bit skewed which I won’t get into as anyone who has read me before should be able to understand why I qualify my thoughts. 

The generation which belongs to my children, who have chosen to live life responsibly, really impresses me…in fact, I mentioned to one of them tonight that I wish I had been as squared away when I was that age.  They seem to know what they want and are going for it…Jenny asked me the other day if I had kids because I wanted them or because it was what I was supposed to do…zing…holy, Mother..they have us figured out.  Of course, I don’t speak for every 50-60 year old woman here but..ladies out there..isn’t it true…we carried around baby dolls and played house and barbies which taught us that we would get married and have children and probably get a job to help make money after the kids started school…perhaps we would be a teacher or a nurse…just like mom.  Some of us made our goal and some of us didn’t.  Ain’t no mountain high, ain’t no valley low, ain’t no river wide that could keep me from you… Kids now have impressive career goals..that isn’t to say that there aren’t kids of this generation who have adhered to the values that we grew up with and are living their lives just the same…I remember how important it was for me to get out there in the job market with only a year of bible college under my belt, yet the most important thing was to raise my children and be there for their boo boos and their support.  I see so many girls today who are after a career..hold off on the kids until they get the base firmed up and feel they are ready to take on the incredible responsibility of children….and then…..

Now that my kids have flown the coop, I’m so confused.  How did I do it all…especially being in this sandwich generation…is it any wonder the percentage of this generations that must rely on anti-depressants or one of the awful habits like drinking, smoking and/or overeating to get them out of bed and thru the day.  I never had my time…It never ocurred to me that these expectation I was living up to were of my own creating…I was my own worst enemy.

I  do find fault with this constant structured life that children have now…but what are these kids going to grow into…Is this structured play time, constant movement spending every night at the ball field, music lessons, dance…is this healthy..will these kids grow up with an imagination … will they know what to do with themselves without some type of structure…will they be creative or just programmed.  Every generation has their way…I raised my kids different than I was raised and I’m sure they will raise their children different than they were raised and so on.  Perhaps if a child knows that he/she is loved, truly loved and wanted, everything will be okay…. same with us parents of adults…we need to know that we are truly loved and wanted… I hope each generation returns the favor.

Until next time….

I want to speak a moment about peace of mind…for me, it doesn’t seem to be my favorite song playing in my head, floating on air or singing kumbaya…it’s more a “piece” of mind that is no longer ransacked with fear….during one of my quiet times, I was thinking about how I actually think I used to have pressure in my head..oh it was all in my mind..but I constantly had pressure..constantly was consumed with fear..fear of the unknown, first it was fear that my parents were going to die, then it was fear that my life was about to be controlled, fear that I was going to have to do something else I didn’t want to do, fear that I wouldn’t be able to carry out plans because someone would be requiring me to do something for them, fear of the unknown is probably the best way to describe it…using an old analogy..waiting for the other shoe to drop….I knew I was under pressure but I didn’t realize how much pressure until it was gone…gone like being in a room with really loud music and then the music stops….the quiet is deafening and you wonder if something is wrong and then you realize that it is nothing…absolutely nothing…this is the very first time in my life I feel totally free…I’m seriously going to have to adjust to it…I’m totally free…I’m totally free….

What a whirlwind half of year…being with him at Mayo several times, mom’s final antics and death, Jenny and Ryan moving away, Aunt Frances’ final antics and death…sorting sorting sorting thru the 90+ years of their life from the “stuff” they left behind…I’m not really feeling overwhelmed anymore because time is not an element.  If I die before it is done, I have two daughters to complete the job.  I also adopted another cat in the middle of all of that…he was sort of adopted by Jenny before she moved..he was a stray..she couldn’t leave him so we took him..they had named him Winston but I couldn’t remember that name so he is now Truman..why that is easier, I have no clue.  Thank goodness he was the last cat because had he been the first cat, we would have just had him.  He’s a gigantic kitten..clumsy, makes life hell for the other 4 cats and devil dog, runs like the wind and don’t make the mistake of walking by him when he is spread out on the floor thinking he is asleep.  HE IS NOT ASLEEP…he loves to grab things as they go by….

I’ve been busy sorting, pricing and hauling things into my antique store booth…I love this little job and I may make a little money too.  I’ve tried to analyze it..but screw that and just enjoy it.  I’m putting jewelry on e-bay now and loving that too…what is wrong with me..I’m enjoying things…

We have an early January appointment scheduled at Mayo Clinic for the removal of his 1 adrenal gland and tumor.  Christmas is coming and I”m getting very excited about it.  Very excited.  I love to decorate for Christmas..I’m not dreading anything this Christmas and may envelope myself in the spirit.

Life is good for me.  I wish it were as good for everyone else that I like and love…but everything in it’s own time. 

Until next time….