I’m a long time student of “TRYING” to give up enough fear per day to allow me to release opinions, judgement and those things I have no control over. A few years ago I embraced the fact that I really have no “control” over anything. Thinking we have the ability to control everything is an illusion. Might as well order a “safety cape” which can be purchased online for $9.99.
Judgements….we make judgements on how people look, their gender, their eating habits, their living habits, their ancestors, what car they drive, how they drive, how often they mow their grass, how they parent their children, why they don’t paint their house, how many children they have, how their children behave, their marital status, their sexual identification. Not leaving out the judgements on why people have ill health, “I knew this was going to happen to them!” I saw this coming because they….. I believe first we must become aware that we are making judgements. And how often in our day we are feeling safe and satisfied because we know “they” are wrong. Doing this work, I’ve often asked myself why does it feel so good to be right? Why does it feel so good to elevate myself to a higher position of knowing what’s right for everyone else in my own thinking?
Is this a learned behavior from our parents, our grandparents, our politicians, our teachers….in other words are we adopting our attitudes and judgements from someone else and often don’t even know why we judge or hold tight to “our” beliefs the way we do? Or are these judgements born out of fear….we are afraid…we judge other as some type of control maneuver that protects our physical bodies…our mental health…or the kicker we don’t even know what we are afraid of but what “they” are doing just cannot be right.
It’s a struggle!! But, moment by moment we need to be aware of our fear thoughts and judgements and heal ourselves from the inside out!
Oh the naïveté of life. We make our plans, we think we just keep movin’ on from what we are doing today…this week…this month….we anticipate with gusto tomorrow, next month, next year and we expect them to be status quo. Here’s an excerpt from last years blog from the last day.
“What will happen is lots of life in 2020. Just the way twenty/twenty rolls off the lips fills me with hope and wonder. I won’t make silly resolutions other than I’ll try to spend more time in service to others, I will not focus on the negative but instead I will focus on loving myself and being kind.”
If I take one thing from my dreams for 2020, I did In fact spend more time in service to others. Obviously not face to face but in support. I admit that I TOTALLY went into corona fear and focused on the negative for a couple of months beginning after my birthday in March. To use a phrase I don’t think is too vulgar or overstated for 2020, “shit got real”. Then something happened to me.
I started taking to heart all of the teachings… from the lessons and new thought teachings of Unity Village Chapel and my training in my short time with the Silent Unity Prayer ministry…from Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr, Paul Selig, A Course in Miracles, and the list goes on. I chose to remove Twitter and the barrage of 24 hour news from my life realizing that they are absolutely not the predictors of our future. It all reverts back to money. We are paying with our hearts and souls and peace of mind for their job of delivering fear. Fear always manifests nothing but fear…it’s a circle…..A viscous circle!
I look at the tragedy’s of 2020 and send love and peace and the light of the universe… I will not start 2021 holding onto the fear but I will remember the tragedy’s and the pain and Illness with the deserved reverence. We must move on. Not focusing on what has happened but what is happening right this moment…for each moment in our day, month, year and life. We must love ourselves, love each other and be kind.
Over the last couple years, I have worn my RBG dissent collar necklace with pride and honor. Occasionally someone would recognize the design and ask about it….but I wore it for me. Quietly honoring RBG and what she represented. I also wore it for the same reason she wore her dissent collar to channel my disapproval and disappointment of the “leadership” in the United States.
Today I’m struggling emotionally to celebrate her life the way she deserves to be remembered all the while mourning my (our) loss.
For this post, I copied the wise words of another strong woman who I love and respect.
Let’s remember to dream today. Even in the midst of blessing Ruth Bader Ginsburg in her freedom form, honoring her longevity, strength, tenacity and intelligence, we lift ourselves up and dream. What a life of service she has lived… Commitment, endurance, and on and on and on. #StrongWomyn #ruthbaderginsburg …thank you, Rev Erin for the healing words.
Thank you for your service and commitment to us, Justice Ginsberg.
He and I are binge watching The West Wing (1999-2006)…we chose a perfect time to immerse ourselves into the lives of the West Wing during the Josiah Bartlett administration. Filled with a sense of loss of the fictional energy, intelligence and kindness represented while also feeling hope that someday we will recover from the last 4 years of this current putrid president.
Some of my very favorite scenes from the West Wing are Jeb and his cronies making their way down the covered pavilion, the West colonnade of the White House. Here’s a little history of how that picturesque walkway came to be in real life.
“The open columned walkway along the West Wing gallery and across the east side of the body of the West Wing provides a picturesque backdrop for events held in the Rose Garden, but it also requires the president and his staff to walk out in the weather to get back and forth between the West Wing and the Residence. Jackie Kennedy inquired about enclosing it as the East Wing colonnade is so that John Kennedy wouldn’t have to walk outside in his robe after a swim in the White House pool (now the Press Briefing Room). But doors were cut through the gymnasium and flower shop (now the Press Corps Offices) instead”.
Some images I pulled off the internet…some with energy and kindness……….
Or what ever deity you think you are representing, this is a short, yet direct rant to those who take cover under the umbrella of Christian for your bigoted, nasty, painful, critical, hateful beliefs.
For the most part, I question you even attend an organization of formal “religion”, have any idea whatsoever the teachings of the Bible you hold up as a sword or say your prayers before each meal let alone lift up in supplication the needs, pain or love for anyone or anything.
I’ve recently read statements, blogs and Facebook posts from people I know and people I don’t know who use the Christian label to define themselves that have absolutely blown me away. Negative, downright nasty, bigoted, cruel comments have been put out there from electrified fingers on a keyboard. These are not the teachings of Jesus who you exhault as your spiritual leader and in his name. These are the rhetorical bombastic remarks from someone who really only worships self.
There is a huge gap between political conservative-liberal differences and the hateful dialogue spewing from your heart in the name of the God you use as a cloak for your hate.
If you disagree with me or take offense at these words, tell someone that cares…not me. I don’t care what you think.
Chuck Todd now hosts a Meet the Press daily show on MSNBC (MTP Daily). I really like Chuck Todd because he is not afraid to ask the difficult questions to the politicians….and during this chapter of my life, I find myself buried in the political BS. I tend to lean toward the left in my opinions but I try to listen with an open mind to the rhetoric from the conservative side…and I still lean to the left. Keeping my head about me makes me feel like a grown up.
Today while watching the talking heads – all men – I found myself totally focused on the suit and tie outfits….or uniforms, if you will. I became so focused on looking at suit coats, shirts and ties that I was losing focus on what the guest politicians were yammering about. Who was sitting around one day and thought…you know what would look good…wearing a starched shirt fastened tightly around the throat with a button to enhance Jowels then let’s wrap a piece of cloth around the neck with a knot at the Adam’s apple. I don’t dislike the look….sometimes I just wish the cloth wrapped around the neck was a lot tighter. The look was probably fashioned by the same person that decided to put 4 inch spikes on the bottom heel of women’s shoes….
In case you aren’t familiar with the details of politics in this country….let me sum it up for you! We are screwed!
One of those political pundits tweeted that preparing for the republican debate on Thursday is like preparing for a NASCAR race when you know one driver will be drunk. (Paraphrased). I laughed out loud when I heard it on Meet the Press…then giggled again when it appeared on Face the Nation. I will not say that I support Donald Trump but a I will say I’m not as afraid of him as I am Scott walker! Of course (he is tired of hearing me say) that I won’t get to hear anything else vital to feed my Sunday political appetite because the Kansas City station must only air the first half of Face the Nation because they have to feature the talking head “personalities”? Of the local talking heads and their fluff. I think I’m going to have to attack them on social media to calm my anger. SHOCK!
I will also paraphrase the best explanation I’ve received about mentally dealing with my dysfunctional childhood. I received this bit of wisdom from a friend of 30 years. She and I worked together for 2 years back in the 80s and lost touch for several years until we found each other on Facebook and have grown our mutual love and respect for each other. She suggested last night that one of the reasons I continue to occasionally regurgitate my childhood maternal relationship is because I keep asking why. I’m searching for the WHY for my upbringing. Why would a mother treat a child the way my mother treated me. WOW! I’m feeling confident that I’ve talked and worked my way thru it even as far as forgiving her….but, the WHY is always there. I’m never going to know why! I’ve officially made it over another hill! …..and now.
Does everyone do it or am I just a professional ruminator? and by ruminator, I mean continuously mulling it over in my mind until 1) I am able to name it; or 2) my subject matter morphs into another subject entirely…which gives me the opportunity to compulsively focus on IT. While brooding about my anxiety tonight while trying to cycle my breathing with his (but not to the earth shattering pitch), I fell upon the idea that perhaps I’m not suffering full blown anxiety, I just can’t shut my mind off which leads me to be anxious because I really do need to go to sleep and I just can’t! I also realized that my over analyzing does have an end…and that finalé occurs when I can label the mental flapping, stick it in the right drawer and then move on.
With this little morsel of information, I realized that I have to analyze or name nearly everything that meanders through my mind during a 24 hour period. I pigeon hole, pigeon hole, pigeon hole everything once I can categorize and label it! Few things are accepted at face value, few things can just be put to the side…they must be analyzed ad nauseam.
Sunday morning news shows are a great way to pick up more fodder to think about. During a two week period, I spent considerable amounts of brain cells thinking about politics, immigration, the racial discord with police and the release of the CIA report. I watch/see/hear about these threats to America and my attitudes and opinions volley back and forth. This past Sunday, I was able to finally sit down and share a conversation with him…I was able to firmly name where I stood on the issues and now I have moved on. I probably should just go back to bed and try to go to sleep now that I’ve gotten this all down in black and white . #&(!# …and I think that is exactly what I’m going to do. So….