The scary thing about aging….

We don’t really know what is going on inside our bodies until we get that wake up knock…louder and louder….

So while sitting on the davenport watching TV last night, he turned to me and said, “I’m having chest pain”.

He is in the hospital in Lee’s Summit.  Preliminary tests have us believing he had a mild heart attack.  He will have an echo and angiogram, etc in a couple hours so we will know what is going on.

2015 seems to be a year and of loud knocks telling us we need to change our lifestyle!

Until next time…..

Branson, Florida and craniosacral therapy

Okay.  This cold, rainy weather is getting to me!  If I could, I would cover all of the Windows so I can’t see out and live a little fantasy that it is cold in here because it is bloody hot outside and I’ve had to turn the air down.  

I did a little proactive planning for February and scheduled a short trip to Florida.  I had a cancelled flight through southwest from earlier in the year so used that money to book the tickets.  Same price as we spent on the tickets for the cancelled Vegas trip so using my logic, I got the tickets for free.

…..and have also booked a bucket list Branson trip for a couple of weeks from now.  Probably not what most would consider bucket list trip but remember I’m old and grew up watching Andy Williams so we are going to see the Osmonds and Lennon Sisters for a Christmas show.  The tv commercial of the event played just enough to reel me in.

….and I’ve scheduled another craniosacral therapy session with Rachel for Wednesday.  Hoping I can get as deep into a meditative consciousness as I did last time.  I describe the need as addictive.

So, I hope by the end of the day, these proactive plans will erase the cold, rainy gloom of the day.  I’m already feeling more positive.

Until next time…..


I struggle with opinions of the minority being foisted on the majority.  I suppose I actually should say the minority who screams the loudest attempting to drown out the beliefs and/or civil rights and/or lifestyles of other humans….or those who  try to control the masses with ignorance, fear, supremacy and prejudice; yet dabble in the same behaviors in their own darkness….racism, misogyny or those who spout off about things they really don’t understand.

If your daughter, wife, girlfriend gets pregnant and you secretly support an abortion for them but not the right of all women to choose you fall into the category above.  Being prolife is not pro abortion!  If you are against legalizing marijuana but consume alcohol on a daily basis or to the point of drunkedness, you need to re-evaluate your priorities….if you don’t want to use marijuana, then don’t; but don’t deprive someone who desperately needs marijuana for medical purposes or someone who chooses marijuana over alcohol.  If you do not support marijuana legalization, you should not be using alcohol or prescription pain relievers to make it through your awkward situation or for entertainment!

……and if you don’t smoke cigarettes or have never smoked cigarettes, you should not have an opinion about the vaping industry and electric cigarettes.  SHUT THE HELL UP.

I spent the day in our Vape Shop on Black Friday.  I cannot count the number of customers who brought their stories into the store yesterday totally ecstatic because they found vaping and stopped smoking cigarettes.  I took a picture of our vaping wall….I stopped smoking on _____.  I smoked ______ packs of cigarettes a day.  Vaping is an effective process of using electronic vaping pens to reduce nicotine use gradually while not ingesting the hundreds of chemicals in a regular cigarette.  Why would you not support your family, friends and neighbors with a technique that works over and over again.

These people know it works.  They did it.  Those who have never been addicted to cigarettes have no idea what they are talking about and are ignorant to the facts…..and if you fear your kids will turn to ecigarettes….then parent your children.  Mellow out, people.  Try to be human!

Rant over!

I failed yesterday….

…and that is a part of being human.   I went out about as far as my tether would reach yesterday in delight about someone’s misfortune.  I wish I could say that I reeled myself back in with admonishments during some quiet time last night but, quite frankly, I still feel the same way today.  This “event” was like a karma thing – “they’ll get theirs someday”. I doubt I will be able to self talk my way out of my feelings.  But then I worry that this Karma thing could backfire on me and bring negativity into my core.  But for right now…I’m sticking to – I knew they would get theirs someday.

Which leads me right into the family dialogue…I know a lot of people will fall right into this and understand.  The holiday season starts tomorrow.  I, so, want to be peaceful and loving during this season.  The winter holidays are my time to feel magical and full of wonder.  I know that someone is going to say something to hurt my feelings or piss me off but I said in yesterday’s blog.

“What others think, what they look like, what they say, how they live their life is their journey. It has nothing to do with me. What is happening at this moment is what matters and how I perceive those moments is totally up to me.”

Now if I can just practice what I preach.

Until next time….

If I had only lived my life…

Not worrying about what others thought about me.  My wardrobe, my hair, my makeup, my weight, my words, my personality, all of my shoulds, my guilt, my cars, my house, my stuff, my inner thoughts, my politics, my beliefs, ME!

This is not  a blog about woe is me…this is not even a blog about regret…this is renewal, this is acceptance, this is about love and hope and acceptance.  Appreciating every day, every hour and every minute.  I hopped on this journey several years ago…trying, trying, trying to live in the moment.  Loving what I can see and feel and hear right now.  I know that retirement in February of 2014 gave me the opportunity to enter into a peaceful dimension but it was the kidney cancer diagnosis in March that changed my life.  When the fear of death knocks at your private door, things change!

I am who I am because of history, the future cannot be predicted, or planned for, regretted or dreaded because what I have is this very second.

What others think, what they look like, what they say, how they live their life is their journey.  It has nothing to do with me.  What is happening at this moment is what matters and how I perceive those moments is totally up to me.

Until next time….


I have a couple of good friends *cough Kim and *cough Erin who pop into my mind everytime I see a picture/statue/video of squirrels.  *slaps knee and laughs loud.  Take what you want from that statement.

This is what squirrels mean to me

Uh huh.  For some reason. This year, they have decided to eat our deck 😩

And my decorative corn

And apparently they think I won’t notice if they move it away from the table 😩

Moving right along.

I love this tree!  Thankful the last owners of our home planted it just outside the front door

And the neighbor’s beautiful tree I can enjoy from my kitchen table.

….and last but not least…

Thanks Price Chopper for the gas saver program….gas for 1.46 at QT last Friday night!


Until next time….. 

Genealogy in 50 years

When I become immersed in my family’s genealogy, I always feel a sorrow for my relatives…the ones who came to America…with a new dream, an escape or a wanderlust.  I wonder when the Swickards boarded the ship in Amsterdam if they had any idea that they would be geographically separated for the rest of their lives…. Never to see each other again.  Maybe this was inconsequential to them.  Perhaps families back then just did what they needed/wanted to do to make their lives better and missing family didn’t even enter into the equation?  What is the difference in the cultures who stay together in the same place, the same house, take care of their elders and grow old together compared to those who follow their dreams and move away from family where ever that may lead?

We all make our choices….or is it a choice?

My friend  Mary Beth got on my hamster wheel this morning on FB with comments about the fear and pain the Syrian refugees are feeling being driven from their Homeland….they really have no options…many have relatives here in the United States….how can we as a country refuse their entry?    I understand…I agree.  But, I am also emotionally overwhelmed with the idea that many of these refugees will be separated from their families depending on where the government allows placement.   I’m totally overwhelmed with the idea that everything they have ever known is washed away….gone…their history, their culture, their families.  Separated.  Mary Beth answered my question with the reality that Europe is saturated with refugees right now.  I take it a step further….would their lives be better with less opportunities and not be separated from families or is America with dreams and opportunities the choice they would make….even if it means separating from family?

until next time….

Watching videos of puppies and kitties for my health

I’ve spent the last 48+ hours ingesting everything negative and evil in the world.  I’ve become VENGEFUL.  I was hoping this morning that I would open up the IPAD and find that France had blown to smithereens more ISIS locations in northern Syria.  I was hoping that the French and Belgium police had taken out a neighborhood of ISIS radicals in their own countries.  My heart is seeking revenge.  I’m way too caught up in it.  I’m backing away for my own health. I know what anxiety, anger and frustration do to the soul and the body. I pushed a cat off of the davenport this morning in my frustration.  I feel like I am an addict.  I’m angry that the jihadist are still breathing the same earth air that I’m breathing.  I want them stopped and I want them stopped right now.  I find myself wanting to drop a bomb on the Syria – wipe it out.   I’ve become them.

So I’m backing away.

I’m going to attempt meditation to find a normal, peaceful place.  I have to shut it down.  I don’t like the way it makes me feel.

I’ll let you know how this works.

Until next time…..

Sunday morning rant…

First on my mind this morning, I’m totally undecided in the presidential race.  I used to pick who I thought would be best to lead the country….I would listen to other opinions….but more than likely, I would be secure in my choice.   I even used to roll my eyes as the day before Election Day and the media opinion surveys would still show the percentage of undecided voters.  Seriously?  How can you not know after listening to the BS in an Iowa pre caucus year. 😳🙄😡

This year before election, I’m not only wavering between democratic candidates, I’m seriously understanding some of the republican opinions.  (Dad, I know this makes you smile).  Once I can get through the republican candidates religion based platform.  I don’t hate their God belief but I can’t get past their refusal to acknowledge the separation of church and state politics.  Bernie has my vote for domestic policies but I really fear his “inexperience” to keep the homeland safe.  I trust Hilary for the Homeland but think she has the comforter pulled to tightly around her sharing a bed with Wall Street.

Trump isn’t a serious consideration although that angry, irrational self understands his angry and irrational rants.  Rubio and Cruz both say occasional things I can agree with… Jeb is a Bush….if I thought he was a bastard child Bush, I could trust him but so fear another brothers administration and Carson…Hahahaha…he’s going down.  I think he may have a concealed mental bomb!

As a small business owner who is double taxed on my income and the business profits, I support the republicans because we need a tax break…but I’m pretty sure the republican agenda is not good for the middle class.  I don’t  believe trickle down economics work, Perhaps good for my tax issues, but not for the good of the country, the republican platform will doom the middle class.  Rapidly dropping us into a deeper hole.

The Paris attack has overwhelmed me. I’m sure the fear we are all putting out there in the universe is doing nothing to insure our safety.

That’s it for now….I’m overwhelmed!

Until next time….

Absorbing the shocking truth

  • Totally obsessed watching news channels because of the pain in Paris
  • Feeling totally despondent over ISIS, Daish or whatever name we have given the evil
  • Trying to remove the fear from my psyche.  It is a human emotion and giving into their evil intention
  • Realizing we are all feeling the same hatred for the evil
  • Trying to wipe the “blow them off the earth” mentality from my thoughts
  • Trying to keep perspective