What is the dude doing to that tree

I often find myself feeling unnecessarily concerned with people and what I consider sacred nature. As an example, I’m often very irritated when I notice someone on the trail that runs behind our house not respecting the geese. Actually many times I just sit and wait and smile because I’ve seen a mad goose in action.

A couple days ago while trail walking, I was suspiciously eyeing a guy and a small child in the distance pushing something against a tree up ahead. As I got closer he was moving away from the tree with a camera in his hand. As I approached, he told me there were baby raccoons in a hole in the dead tree that he and his son had been checking on and photographing every day. I felt contagious joy and connection to this man and his smiling little boy.

So today as I approached the tree, I looked into the dark hole and saw nothing so I stuck my phone into the hole and started snapping pictures.

It wasn’t until I got home out of the sunlight that I was able to see what the eye of my phone captured. #gratitude #nature

Namaste

My Nurses

I challenge you to take a moment right now to list every nurse you have encountered in your life…whether personally or professionally. I’m confident the majority of people do not have a sufficiently detailed memory or a sheet of paper long enough to document the associations!

I hold nurses in my heart with esteem and gratitude …. especially during the pandemic. I see nurses as the angels who are carrying the sick and the families of the sick down this road to recovery.

Being a nurse means you carry immense responsibility and very little authority. You step into peoples lives and make a difference. Some bless you, others curse you. Nurses see people at their worst and their best. Nurses see life begin and lives end. They see humanity’s capacity for love, courage and endurance.

Thank you!

So the thing about lists

I wasn’t quite sure how to start this one out…perhaps something like this: During an afternoon Zoom chat group, the topic of lists came up and I said quite innocently that I don’t make lists. The group got very quiet…one person shyly spoke up and said, “you are truly living life on the edge!”

That’s not how it played out but my blog, my story!

The thing about lists. Pretty much every person I know has a system of lists. The lists left on the counter and checked off with the task completed. The list that is made and never looked at again. The grocery list. The getting ready for a trip list. My question to you list makers is….what happens when you depend solely on the list. A list takes fear away about forgetting something…something you need, something you have to do. Check…its on the list.

So what happens when you depend on that list and no longer use just your memory….what happens if you don’t write undergarments on the list before a big trip. You mark everything off the list and must vacation commando? What happens if you don’t write toilet paper on the list and end up not thinking about the need for toilet paper while at the store because it wasn’t on the list?

I look at those list makers in my inner circle and I just shake my head at the risks they are taking.

I, obviously, am quite confident and secure with the fact that there is no evidence left to betray my memory.

Until next time….

So many thoughts 9 more hours

There is absolutely nothing going on today. It’s breezy, barely over 60 so I decided to use this day as a ?mental?health day which turned into I really need to find something constructive to do….I’m bored!

My last thought as I was cleaning up lunch dishes and putting silverware in the dish washer was a silly comment made yesterday by my 7 (going on 8) year old grandson. Phil and I adopted several sets of silverware when our relatives passed on from old age. This is in addition to the silverware that we had used daily and another set I kept in the drawer for when we had people over and I wanted to have a set that completely matched. Yesterday “J” noticed he and his brother were eating with different patterned forks. “J” got up, opened the silverware drawer and said…. “just like snowflakes, not a fork in the drawer is the same”.

Where does a 7 year old learn these turn of phrases? And more to the point… I only notice different silverware in my drawer because I hate eating with the lightweight, narrower silverware from HIS family and much prefer the heavier, bulkier from MY family.

Not that long ago, I was actually using silverware I bought at a thrift store. Heavy because the untined (not a real word BTW) end of the fork was covered with plastic. They lasted a long time but too many washes in the dishwasher finally weakened the glue that held the plastic on. I was very protective of this silverware…and decided once it was gone, I would just stop eating.

Ya. Didn’t happen. I assume you don’t want a story about the other thoughts that have shot through my mind this morning. I took a picture of a pound of butter for later.

Extensive discussion about our silverware is also available at the following link:

https://ninasusan.com/2018/05/23/the-silverware-of-our-lives/

Until next time….

I just Shot my wife

911 Where is your emergency: I just shot my wife

What is the the address of your location: Done

Where is your wife: at the bottom of the steps

Where is the gun: its laying on the table

Hearing other voices in the background, I asked the man to move into another room away from the gun and an officer will be there in a few moments to help him.

This is my memory of a 911 call that occurred in the early 80’s when I was a brand spanking new 911 dispatcher.

I am using this moment to relive the initial part of this story in this blog as a therapeutic tool. My question…because the bones of my day have been tentatively planned out and the last thing I did before stepping into the shower was put eggs on to boil for a tuna salad wrap for lunch…..why now?

As I was shaking the shampoo out of the bottle, my mind took me back to this moment in time which occurred 36 or 37 years ago. It was as vivid in my mind as the day it occurred.

These are the challenges we deal with on a daily basis. My 911 experience of this call and many other calls are events in my life that I attached an emotion to and then filed it away because there was no time to dwell on it. Things needed to be done. After that moment in time, I did not sit with those emotions nor did I acknowledge there was an emotion attached to the event. I just told my story occasionally and lived through it again, again with each telling; cementing the emotional connection in my mind so that one fine spring day in 2021 while washing my hair it comes crashing back.

The lesson I am taking from this right now is that we need to sit with our emotions and not set them aside. Whether it be horror, pain, sorrow, love, laughter…we need to experience the emotion by acknowledging how we feel in the present moment. Not try to push it away. Feel it…and then release.

So that is what I am doing with this event in this blog. For what ever reason, I remembered! The emotions of horror came back while I was taking a shower. I acknowledge the fact that what I experienced was dramatic/traumatic. I acknowledged that I had not actually felt it…felt it within…and now after giving the memory the intention of healing, I’m blessing it and releasing it all the while accepting the parts everyone played as humanity played out it’s best and it’s worst. I release it knowing I AM who I AM and this was a moment in time that needs to be remembered in a new way and then released with grace!

Namaste

Where do tree frogs actually reside?

I wondered from afar if the rock would be smooth enough to paint and draw a design to go along with my other kindness rocks around the house.

As I got closer, I noticed it glistened.

As I leaned it to pick it up, I realized with a sense of total panic that it was not a rock!

My next thought: if a woman panic-screams and her husband is mowing the yard with ear plugs in, did the woman really scream.

As I regained a sense of sanity, I noticed the hole beside him/her and wondered if he/she wintered there. My next thought was I’m sitting in front of the screen door where he has spent hours just hanging around……and then I looked again….

And he was gone….and I screamed….and the husband heard me…but he didn’t seem terribly concerned….it must have sounded similar to the spider in the bathtub scream.

I know he didn’t go far….the frog….husband continues mowing…..

EDIT: and so we get on with life…the hero says he has no idea where the frog is.

🤭🤣

I miss the simpler times

….and by simpler, I mean the last year…

I woke up loaded for bear this morning (not something I need to mention…waking up soft and gentle would be actual news). THIS morning, I went quickly to writing my Morning Pages which has become easier this week because I recognize the need to get “whatever it is” outta my head and down on paper so I may release it! what I learned was….

Last year at this time, I went from traveling Mach speed around the curves with mind numbing constant thoughts and activity which were framed in worry and fret about absolutely nothing TO Oh Holy Shit…what is happening. For the next year and some change, the reality of required solitude and living within the parameters of “just being” was odd….and then it became my new normal….and I was peaceful and comfortable and just felt right. He and I worked on our relationship, we read books together, I went to bed and got out of bed when I wanted. I had groceries delivered, I read without guilt, I didn’t clean house very often and we saved a hefty amount of money ( with the shameful realization that being frugal was not even one of my vocabulary words).

I will not go back to normal. I don’t even have the desire to go back to whatever normal is. Post vaccinations, I begin to feel myself being pulled in different directions, I also realize that those commitment I make now are of my own doing….my choice. My quarantined personality had one of its best years of my life…Now I know what “just being” feels like. My only job here is listen to myself…And do what feels the best for my soul in each moment…with each breath.

Namaste

I had no idea the parents died in the movie

If it weren’t raining for day number 40 of 40 days and 40 nights, I possibly would be in a better mood. Even though we have had a few days….and I mean VERY FEW days…. without rain since our unseasonably cold days, I fear that little scream that has been bouncing around inside my head will somehow escape and scare the birds away from the feeders quicker than my shadow passing in front of the window. *rolling eyes

On a brighter note, yesterday I had a kind nurse poke a needle in my shoulder….my second COVID vaccine. I was mildly concerned that this one might result in flu like symptoms but thankfully I just couldn’t lift my left arm to remove my sweatshirt and I went to bed early because I was either very tired or just felt foggy. I was having some difficulty in comprehending what I was reading.

After a family IMessage with the daughters this morning I think I was just tired last night because it was quietly inferred that apparently my level of comprehension often wanes. Like watching the movie, Frozen, that we watched while visiting our Iowa family a few months ago. Now I find out that I must have missed the point that the parents died in the beginning which would actually be the premise for all of the other sadness, evil and pain of the children’s movie…..I have to admit I was just into it for the music anyway!

So ending this on a grateful note, we need rain to begin the growing season…yay….birds are cute, loud and chirpy, music soothes my soul and I’m now vaccinated and feel the darkness lifting….Namaste

I AM WHAT I AM

I have been thinking it was retirement that has taken the pressure off. The pressure of no longer entertaining the belief that I’m not as smart or as worthy as everyone else…mentally living in my head believing that because I didn’t pursue a college educated career I wasn’t as good as or as worthy as others. That’s not it! I jumped out of bed this morning searching for pen and paper in order to get this most recent download recorded.

I’ve always known that I was raised by common parents…common being dad graduated from high school, enjoyed being with himself fishing or hunting, worked a “job” to make a living. Because of his job choice, he was able to take his art to work with him and create who he was on the job while hourly walking around pushing buttons and checking gages. I have no doubt I’m over simplifying his job. My mother didn’t graduate from high school but spent many of my growing up years taking sewing classes and living the life of a secretary for a lawyer. She always called herself a legal secretary and while I knew that “legal secretaries” were probably credentialed…she was theoretically a legal secretary.

I married into a cerebral family which didn’t help my self esteem at the time …. I just knew I was different than they were and did not fit into this family who I assumed looked down on me because I didn’t know “stuff”….I knew street smart stuff, I knew life stuff but I didn’t know the right stuff. The comparison that I always made was an illusion of my own making….if I had only known then what I know now.

I have always been exactly what I was meant to be…it was the ancestoral or familial blocks that had to be excavated, discarded so that I could understand I was a vital part of the whole of humanity. I contributed but I did not understand my part in the big picture was as important as the next person. So when I woke this morning with this knowing. There is nothing I need to do physically, mentally or spiritually to be who I thought I could be…These are just soul blocks that I’m in this lifetime to work through and remove. Being me is not something I need to aspire to …. it is what I AM.

Namaste

Naked ladies look better than ever

So happy when we uncovered the Naked Ladies (aka Belladonna Lily) today. I had been out looking for them swiping at the mulch cover but obviously had dug around in the wrong spot.

This is probably the 4th year for them to actually pop out of the ground and this year looks to be a strong start! They fall into that favorite flower category albeit a short flowering season.

These flowers have very special meaning to me as they were promised to me as I sat beside the hospice bed of my “other” mom, Neva in April of 2016. She reminded her daughter/my dear friend, Sue….. be sure you dig those up for Nina. Special memories bring special blessings.

He worked in the yard today, I went out and helped pick up sticks and arranged my collection of nighttime lights in the sun so I can determine which ones have survived the winter.

Spring is here. We had our first thunderstorm last night. I’m feeling optimistic, blessed and hopeful. Summer of 2021 is on the horizon,

Namaste