Radishes and cat people

After I ate the last radish out of the bowl that was siting on the counter that I THINK I used last night for my apples and blueberries, I looked over at Truman and realized he was sleeping peacefully like a well nourished cat with a full belly.

Why this is an issue? Truman likes people food. We seldom eat a meal…..especially on the couch while watching TV….where Truman is not in stealth mode slowing making his way over to our plates. First he jumps up on the end table and takes a seat. Then he begins the leaning toward the plate phase where we begin the Truman, TRuman, TRUMAN!! Once he is adequately discouraged we will hear him jump from a kitchen chair to the counter to scope out droppings or lick a preparation spoon that is laying in the sink. We recognize his modus operandi and what’s more we have totally given up! What we don’t know is how much he gets on the counter when we are away from home or asleep and what have we recklessly left for him find.

Thus the oh crap moment after lunch when the realization hit me that the bowl on the counter “appeared” clean; but, I totally recall picking a brown spot out of my apple and leaving it in the bowl along with a couple of deformed blueberries. Ugh

Until next time…..

…….and then she was gone

I assume everyone who has lost a beloved will find truth to these words to some degree…depending on our spiritual beliefs or organized religious domestication…when someone transitions from life to death, we feel them in our sorrow….we miss them… I know some of us remember and mourn the loss of the relationship and how they made us feel. Others believe that someday in our transition, the beloved will be waiting, in a place called heaven, with arms outstretched. Some of us believe the energy from our beloved is with us every day and that we can call upon that energy for guidance. Sadly, because we can’t agree on the path, often it divides us and we take issue with each other and completely close roads down rather than offer a detour.

These thoughts of mine were triggered this morning because my calendar notified me that next month will be the birthday of a beloved that transitioned in January of this year….and the moment I noticed it on the calendar, I said in my head…your birthday is coming up, Jen, how are you feeling about that? Because our less than a year old relationship was not one of my normal friendships of experiences and enmeshment before she passed, I seem to think it is necessary to dissect my feelings. I think what I have figured out that our connection was concrete in spirit before our personalities had time to gel over coffee once a week or really to even know about each other in the typical friendship “way”. Being newer to this “we are all one” spirituality In relation to my history of dogmatic teachings through the various Christian churches I attended, I think I can answer my own question about Jen and me.

I, seriously, question at times whether she actually existed…our souls seem to have danced together each taking and giving generously to one another without words. Words were not needed…she was my early lesson in what it means to just “BE” and honor and bow to the Devine in her. Namaste!

Until next time….

Ah-ha moments

The beauty, release and growth in ah-ha moments is breathtaking! It was a Monday night in June after a particularly difficult (for me) spirit group discussion, a nights sleep that I don’t recall dreaming, and morning pages with my green gel ink pen that the honest truth came vomiting out!

The actual details are unimportant to anyone else, the information to be shared is my unwavering belief that i have been living in fear, uncertainty about my future, and a level of angst about my past. The illusion that i am controlling my life is just an illusion and what I am really saying is I’m afraid of the unknown. So many scary and sad things have happened to me in the past that I must control my future in order to be happy and protect myself. All illusion.

One tool to use to aid in figuring this stuff out is morning pages. Committing to writing in long hand…not on the computer…3 pages every morning. These should be written in a binder or in a notebook that only you will see. My intention is to burn my current journal because there are things I’ve written that I NO WAY want anyone else to read. This should not be in dear diary form although there are no wrongs for what works for you to get the juices flowing. The is not a recollection of yesterday’s adventures, what you did or what you ate…although what ate you might be more significant. The only rule is you write down what is in your mind at the moment and then build on it because that is how the thoughts work in our head. 3 pages….every morning. If this process intrigues you, check out Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way”.

Until next time….

WHAT is that smell?

I’ve been layed up for a week. Okay..seriously I have a little red squiggly line under layed…it certainly is not lied up…maybe it’s laid up…yep…no line…but I’m using layed…

Anyway…I had big toe joint surgery last Tuesday…the doctor sent me home with a large prescription of pain medication. During an office visit a month before, I indicated to him that I’m not keen on taking pain meds….will I really need them? Well, the first couple of days anyway, was his response. To that response I now say..liar, liar pants on fire, hell yes you need to take the pain meds….I won’t belabor the painful journey I’m on…physical and mental pain. Here’s my footwear! Oh…just one foot…the other foot I wear a pair of shoes the same height….finding that combination has so far proved impossible.

So because I sit continuously in my nest.

I kept smelling something…it would come and go…so this morning, I leaned over and smelled the cats…each one separately…I smelled my shirt, I smelled the bed linens and the pillows, I reached down and smelled that foot contraption…then I opened the lid and smelled that box. That’s it. I smelled every book, every journal…every oracle card box…everything….and then everything was out of that box….except a rolled up paper towel…it was rolled up so I didn’t get the dripped tuna salad on anything Yesterday and making it nearly invisible at the bottom of the box. I mentally apologized to the cats because they don’t listen to me anyway but I just felt bad that I questioned their hygiene since they work so hard at keeping clean.

Until next time….

Until next time….

These Dreams

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life

First two lines of the chorus of These Dreams sung by Heart (just in case you aren’t familiar). I felt aggressive, angry and hateful when I woke this morning and it didn’t take me long to realize who the characters were in my dreams and what rolls they were playing. I realized I was continuing the fear based thinking as I took my first sips of coffee. As is usually the case in writing my feelings out and replacing those fear based thoughts with love and gratitude, it all starts to make sense and disappear.. or heal?? Each time I work through monkey brain thinking, I realize the mental flapping quiets!

The last two mornings, I have decided to take advantage of the solitude and sit by the pond on the walking trail. The sun on my back, shifting the rocks under my sit-down for comfort, the variety of bird songs all around me, the occasional plop of a fish, and the ever smooth glide of a goose through the water leaving a silent wake on the still, pond of glass. These are the moments when a peaceful meditation just happens as you just slide your eyelids closed.

The perfume from the blooming honeysuckle eventually gets me on my feet following the scent…..one of those ingredients of spring I savor!

Until next time…

Nina Sue want a turtle?

This is a story I cherish.

When I was young and very young, my dad would take me on long walks down the dusty gravel road at Grandmas. Usually we ended up at the little cemetery about 1/2 mile down the road. He would point out headstones of our dead ancestors and share with me the stories about them handed down generation to generation. I’ve often contemplated hypnotism in order to recall these stories….and to relive one last trip down the road with my dad.

Often along the road, we would see turtles and my dad would say ‘Nina Sue want a turtle’ and Nina Sue would politely say No, daddy. I wanted to want a turtle because it seemed important to my dad…but ewwwwww. One day he brought a bucket along with us, scooped up a turtle and carried it back to grandmas…..I’m guessing he thought I would eventually change my mind if I saw the turtle in different habitat! EWWWW. Before we headed back to Des Moines, he released the turtle down by the road.

Walking along the pond this morning, I had a moment of connection with my dad and a few tears..I still think ewww even though I appreciate critters and nature more and more as I age. bit most of all how I would love to hear my dad say, Nina Sue want a turtle!

Until next time….

Always pack a minimum of one extra pair of undies

This just came up in a discussion with my daughters awhile back…they were relating in a group text how they always remember to follow the rule that I taught them when packing for family vacations.

I was in Des Moines Sunday and Monday for dr appointments and an ultrasound Monday. Because I retired from Iowa, I still carry the group health insurance from the county and because any dr appointments or treatments, other than emergency, that I might have in Missouri are out of network, I choose to drive back to Iowa to theoretically save money. So, laying flat on my back on the ultra sound table Monday I kept turning my head to see what was on the screen (and for the record, I have no idea whatsoever interpreting what I’m seeing). When she was finished with me, I sat up on the table and thought…wow….I’m dizzy. But I walked out into the waiting room to wait for my doctor appointment. I wondered if I was dehydrated so I leaned over at the drinking fountain in a main hallway of this large clinic and vertigo hit like a hammer. As I gripped the water fountain I was able to wedge myself between the fountain and the cutout in the wall to remain upright until somebody who looked medical walked by. I was wedged in so tight that everytime I took a breath, the water fountain turned on.

Finally I was pried out of the cubby, placed in a wheel chair and wheeled into Urgent Care where I received two shots and relaxation that we only dream of. I called my friend, Suzy, who works nearby to rescue me. No way I could drive back to KC. We had a makeshift slumber party. I did a pharmaceutical slumber and she watched over me. Thank you, Suzy. The next morning I was thrilled that I had packed 1 extra pair of undies for my trip! Oh. And nothing serious going on with me…just some leg vein issues from my mostly unhealthy life style when I was young!

Until next time….

You little bastard…

I realized this week that I was premature in naming Rex! I realize that I did not really think through the adoption of a teenage cat when there are 4 grandparent age cats in the house. Evenings are no longer peaceful, winding down hours in the day. It is the time of day Rex….known now as You Little Bastard….loses control of all discipline.

This is Rex taking a breather before he launches another battle

This is one of his victims

At least the grandfathers are getting a little exercise running up and down the steps and leaping onto tables and developing arm strength batting You little bastard when he just won’t stop. I’m now carrying a spray water bottle and jumping up and down off the couch and developing a healthy trigger finger. I’ve been here before but then there were 5 teenage/young adult cats who could each hold their own. It will be ok….I mean, he’s a cat….how long could it possibly take to train him. Hahahahaha.

Until next time…..

Please stop me if I’ve mentioned this before…

OMG how many times this has come out of my mouth lately!

It just reminds me how precious the days are as I move closer to the winter of my life. I’ve gone through the other season at such a rapid pace, I don’t remember most of them.

The seasons, when you are a child, mean nothing…children adapt and find play whatever season they are experiencing.

Spring…young adulthood…everything is fresh and new and possible. I remember hearing people say fall was their favorite time of year…..WHAT? Fall….when everything is dying and freezing and winter is coming?

Summer….ahhhh, summer…in particular my late 30s, 40s and early 50s. I loved summer….vacation….fun…friends…the sun!

But somewhere in my 50s I started loving fall…we lived on a couple acres of timber and color and leaves on the ground. Cleaning up….burning leaves, the smell of a leaf fire….the sound of the rural fire department’s siren….some of you will know what I’m talking about 😍.

Now I live in a place where fall lasts a little longer. This view from my living room window has been catching my eye several times a day.

Its November 1st and I can still enjoy this beauty.

I’m in the fall of my life…I’m not too busy to stop and just take it in. I’m figuring out what is important and what is not important. I’m finally witnessing the beauty of life “nearly” everyday.

Until next time…..

Halloweeeeen full disclosure

I used to pay these two off NOT to go trick or treating although NOT until the age that they knew what $10 would buy at Walmart…. Kind of a family dirty secret *OMG, seriously? Yes, seriously $10 bought more in the 80s and 90s than now.

Growing up in Iowa, we went door to door asking for candy on Beggers Night. Not actual Halloween. That’s just dumb, Iowa. It was not until we moved to Missouri that I found out that kids solicit candy and pulverize pumpkins in the middle of the street on the actual Halloween. Having a separate beggers night meant that parents really had no idea without asking by calling 911 or just somehow “hearing” what night kids trick or treat. And I wasn’t kidding…there are a lot of inconsiderate and quite frankly selfish people out there. 911 where is your emergency? Uh YA I got a question when is beggers night.

Sometime in the 60s….some of you will recognize yourselves…I learned at the baptist church where my parents did their Sunday drop off and pickup, that if you celebrated Halloween you were worshipping the devil…so somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I always thought I was doing something wrong dressing up and celebrating the devil. That and learning that all of my dead grandparents were up in heaven watching me and knew when I was doing something wrong. But that’s another blog topic.

I’ve never been to a costume party although I do know how to talk the talk about my excitement to do it. My old soul grandson is not big on knocking on strangers doors after dark and asking for candy…which is actually the logical way to look at it considering we scare the crap out of our kids with strangers danger and having manners by not trespassing.

Some of my friends love Halloween and everything about it. I have now officially come out with with truth and I am guessing this will have no effect on our relationship other than a possible side conversation *did you know Nina is a Halloween hater….no, me either!

So there you have it….nothing positive to say but thanks for going down that rabbit hole with me.

Until next time….