The ugliness…

I’ve known for the last few years that I’m not the person I used to be…I stopped laughing…the healthy laugh, I was still smiling and was still using so-called gallows humor to help relieve stress but really laughing about something that tickles you way deep inside – it had stopped.  Emergency workers – whether they are EMS personnel, cops, nurses, dispatchers can laugh and eat their way thru a conversation about horrible things…the above mentioned HAVE to laugh their way thru their job or they would totally end their life bonkers swinging from the end of a rope from the top of a high ceiling.  I always go back to the story of my shift dispatch partner taking a particularly disgusting call that would make the normal person do a little shiver and shut down.  She took the call, got EMS enroute and went back to eating her hamburger.  I, who often congratulated myself on my ability to cope, turned to her and said OMG stop eating.  It has been a story retold several times in the dispatch center as a stress reliever for someone else taking a particular nasty call that no one should have happen to them, let alone anyone else should have to know about.

It’s the nature of the beast.  But years and years of it changes who you are.  I found myself being more normal after spending the afternoon with my old friend, Gena.  Normal is probably not the appropriate word…but I felt like my old self.  I didn’t feel the negativity and the dread in my soul that I so often feel… Waking up on Valentine’s Day, I will be retired.  I will be a former 911 operator – it was an incredible career.  I will always have my memories.  I’ve delivered babies over the phone, I’ve been the very last person to ever speak to someone taking their last breath.  I always remember the black lung victim who passed as the ambulance was approaching his door, murders, plane crashes, horrific traffic accidents, house fires and all of the people I have referred to as assholes after hitting release on the phone….many will always be remembered.   I’m so glad I’m done…I’m very tired of the ugliness…I hope to put those rose colored glasses back on and laugh until I can’t breath.

Until next time….

With tears in my eyes….

I walked out of the radio room after having worked my last day with Kim…27 years of dealing with the public’s continuing stream of drama together…oh…we have had our own drama…oh….and there are personal things we have shared which have always and will always remain just between Nina and Kim.  I know this because we have both been under anesthesia and neither one of us spilled.  For 27 years she has been the Zig to my Zag…the one person who knows every one of my secrets and I’m pretty confident that I know hers.  It hurt like HELL!  In fact, reliving the day in my mind right now, tears are dripping.  We did not come up with a plan to stay close with 4 hours of travel time between us…but we have to come up with something.  I took this picture of our cars parked in the parking lot.  This is the way it always looks..I’m headed in and she’s headed out.  We’ve got it covered! 


That is it for now.  I have to stay busy.

Okay….I’m going to miss the drifts…

4 more working days as a 911 dispatcher…who is counting…and my dreams are even getting happier.  I thought life after menopause was so wonderful…but I have a feeling life after retirement will be the happiest ever..  I shared a story on facebook last night from my Huffington Post Twitter .  If the parents are already having a problem keeping the cell phone away from their 2 year old – I’m sure in a few years they will be calling the police because their child is out of control, their child won’t go to bed, their child won’t go to school…oh my.  Seriously? Yes…we get calls.   Oh wait.  I see a rainbow with little twitter birds happily singing along to a song they hear in their little bird brains.

Last night I dreamed I was in Louisiana  at the beach…in my real life, I always think of Louisiana beach areas as a wonderful resort location..hahaha..the sheriff and his wife who have two grown children were there also with a stroller..I don’t remember the conversation, My two daughters were there and I told the youngest one that if she wouldn’t mind missing an afternoon of school I would take her to the beach…there was a sink hole, sea monsters slinking around together behind glass and a large, LARGE viewing room for ocean viewing, sunset viewing I’m sure.  Rainbows and tweety birds?

I know lots of other folks are dealing with some depths of snow – we didn’t get a whole lot yesterday but we did have wind last night and I got to blow thru snow drifts in my little Juke on the way to work this morning.  35 years of living in the country blowing thru snow drifts in my little car…there is nothing like it.  For the most part, I don’t worry about the danger of snow drifting…it is just so much fun…THAT I’m going to miss in 12 days!

Until next time…..