I have been hesitant to talk about this

Mainly because in the past, I have had no faith in the the stories about psychics.  I am sharing this story because it has been an overwhelming event in my life and I’m sharing it in my blog for my personal documentation of the event.  Here is the condensed version.

On June 27th, he and I did some trail walking at Burr Oak conservation area north of us in Blue Springs.  As we ambled along the trails, we came to a wooden viewing area over a creek bed.  As I stood at the railing taking in nature, I was gripped by an extremely weird feeling….a chilling feeling that someone had died there.  At first, I turned to him and said, I think someone committed suicide here.  I was convinced that if I looked down, I would see a body.  When we turned away from the area and continued on our walk, the feeling left me…physically…but I have been haunted? with the memory every day since it happened.

It was so real to me that when we got home, I began an extensive google search to see if I could find anything in the news.

In the next few days, I shared my experience with a couple of people I trust who I know are Intuitives…I needed someone to give me a rationale to what I couldn’t seems to remove from my thoughts.

3 days ago during meditation, I had a fleeting image of a man laying on his side.  The image was not so much the body but the head with a cap on.  I felt like it was a soldier.  It did not bother me other than where did that come from.

Yesterday following my meditation, I was compelled to google civil war Blue Springs.

I became very emotional when I read this


The Morgan Walker Farm is now Pink Hill Park


I, of course, will have no way of knowing if this has anything to do with my experience, but I am content in my beliefs.

….and that’s my story.

Plant marigolds, they said

  • My first follow up short rant will be on oak mites.  These insidious little microscopic …..well, mites….fall from the trees landing on their new host for a short amount of time…sometimes they eat you alive leaving extremely itchy red spots…they are so small, a new lunch wagon victim can’t see them.  What’s more appalling they blow freely in a breeze and can enter your house through the screens which actually is suicide because they don’t survive if they can’t get to their oak leaf galls.  The takeaway here is the recommended shower and immediately washing clothes after being outside…do you know how many times the screen door in our house is opened and shut in a day?  I can’t afford the water bill.
  • I have recently learned about cicada killers.  These wasp like killers apparently feed on cicadas.  They actually drag the cicada to a hole they dig and feast upon them,  I, personally, have no issue with this.  My issue is with the cicada…17 year cicada, my a$$.  One slipped in the door when I took Frannie out for a walk the other night. 15 minutes after returning, it started buzzing around the room and then disappeared.  thankfully, Truman (our biggin’ feline) came out from behind the couch growling with it between his lips with a 3 other feline posse. The subsequent bite through the shell sent shivers through my body.
  • And then there are Japanese beetles.  I heard years ago that marigolds are natural insect repellent so I always have several pots of marigolds growing on the deck.  Approaching the marigolds with a watering can this morning, I counted 6 Japanese beetles showing no fear munching on the marigolds.

The good news?  Our mosquito population seems to be very low this year.  This concerns me.

Until next time….

Cancer insomnia

My friend, Tracy, who writes “Is Anybody Here?” is obviously sharing my brain.  I’m sleepless tonight or should say I’ve been sleepless this week and have been taking melatonin in an effort to sleep through the night.  It’s time for my kidney cancer yearly checkup and here’s the paragraph in her blog I just read.

“For most people, I would never presume to speak for all, but for most thinking people, once you have cancer, you have it for life. It is always in your thoughts somewhere. Some days it is closer to your forehead, some days the thought is far back in your mind. Some days it’s shooting the word cancer out of your eyeballs like the Bat Signal.”

Spot on!

Two years ago March on my 59th birthday, I was diagnosed with kidney cancer while in the E.R. for a particularly bad case of diverticulitis.  Kidney removed the following June after the diverticulitis was  finally healed.  I’ve heard so many times that if you are going to have cancer, kidney cancer is the one to have because once the kidney is removed so is the cancer.  BUT…I have a chest x Ray once a year because I’ve been told if the cancer is going to return, it likely returns in the lungs.  For the past two years it’s frequently in the back of my mind but  the days before actually coming face to face with the reality of the cancer check, the word shoots out of my eyeballs like the Bat signal.  It’s also something my family and I don’t discuss.  I tell them that I have the doctor appointment and that’s the end of it.  I realize it is hard for them to think about too….and quite honestly what is there to talk about?  It’s probably mentally healthier all the way around.  So here I sit at 3 AM.

Until next time….

Let’s see…what kept me awake last night…

  • Oak mites….their rally hum…calls from Oak Trees in the area….come here, come here we have an excellent victim to drop down on.  Only the fearless need apply…lots of body to cover  and she’s a sweller…our hard work is wonderfully visible.
  • Storms and heavy rain passing through.  Dog that is afraid of thunder for the first time in her life.  I blame this years new neighbors who set off firecrackers over and over again during fireworks season in Missouri.  Next door activity is much more disturbing than in the distance.  Quite frankly, I haven’t recovered yet either.
  • Periodic phone calls from Cass County Emergency Management for weather related warnings.  Necessary, but beside our bed at night we each have 3 instruments that ring…the phone, IPAD and watches…I could compare it to a full ensemble brass band!
  • This years drift of young salesman going through the area selling themselves and asking for donations to assist them in their endeavor to share the word of God.  The Iowa/Missouri Youth Alive organization .  Tonight ours knocked lightly on the door at twilight.  While he answered the door, I was off to the bedroom to fetch and load the gun.  Perhaps as a result of our careers in the law enforcement community, we trust no one!  And I question why anyone would think it was a good idea to knock on strangers doors at nightfall.  While I was up for all of the other reasons, I was googling guns.  I need a different woman friendly, smaller grip gun!  Especially since I heard the oak mite relatives are coming for me.

Until next time…

The trip

I had a wonderful extended weekend Minnesota camping trip with him and our niece, Christina as well as a couple visits with his brother and wife which also happens to be the Christina’s father.  Escaping the oppressive KC heat and humidity was wonderful…we couldn’t have picked better weather for a visit to Minnesota! One of the best parts of the trip was the non-stop conversation with Christina while traveling to and from.  We live in the same metro area but seldom see each other face to face…that needs to change!

…and I’m also finally able to say, yes…I’ve been kayaking.  It was one of those things that I really wanted to do but the unknown filled me with anxiety.


We rented kayaks at a conservation area about 10 minutes from our campground.  He and I ended up in a double because there were not 3 singles.  What we learned was its not like canoe paddling…different technique…and we are incapable of developing an insync rythm.  Once we made it through the reeds and into the open water, I loved it.  I’m thinking fall might be a great time to buy his and her kayaks…..

We also visited the Minnesota State Public School for dependent and neglected children museum and cemetery in Owatana, MN. – a place I won’t soon forget!



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Until next time….

Who is stealing our toilet paper….

I’m on a roll today…so to speak!

This really isn’t about diverticulitis…or fiber for that matter…but interestingly, I joined a diverticulitis group on Facebook.  If you have ever had a bout of diverticulitis, you understand why.  It was kind of amazing to me the different recommendations given by doctors to the multitudes who follow this particular group.  Eat seeds and nuts, don’t eat seeds and nuts, high fiber, low fiber, dangerous antibiotics, no antibiotics, Metamucil, never heard of Metamucil, I CANT STAND DRINKING METAMUCIL?  Seriously?  Bottom line is if you follow rules for good dietary and colon health, you can probably stave off diverticulitis.  The big problem I see is opposing and contradictory advice from doctors we depend on to dole out that advice for our particular problem…and next, what happens when you have a weak moment and stray from the perfect, healthy diet.  Which somehow leads me to toilet paper.

I buy in bulk (no pun intended) from Amazon Prime.  These huge number of toilet paper rolls are delivered by the USPS to my door by a weary postal carrier. I had a discussion with a girlfriend one night on the merits of different brands of toilet paper as we were placing our separate orders together.  We all have our favorite brands as well as having our favorite way to use it.  i.e. Fold or crinkle.  I’m guessing she is a folder!  And I’m guessing she places the toilet paper to roll off Over rather than Under.

When the t.p. arrives, I fill the shelves (plural) above each of the toilets so they are readily available.  Because everyone can agree running out of toilet paper is one of those extremely irritating events in our life!

This morning, I opened cabinet door number 1 and there was no toilet paper 😡.  I went to cabinet number 2 and there were only 4 rolls left on the top shelf.  My first thought was WHAT THE H is he doing with all of the toilet paper?  Thought number 2…what could he be doing with the toilet paper, why am I blaming him.  THought number 3…someone must be coming in and stealing it!  Thought number 4….you really need to find something to do today to occupy your mind.

Until next time….

Just the things in my head today…

  • Selling a house in another state…getting down to the line…documents, documents, documents…but it is all possible to do on-line!  Documents sent via email, documents returned via email or fax, documents notarized, documents sent for over night delivery with the USPS.  While I was bitching in my head about the inconvenience this morning, I was, at the same time, marveling at how much easier life is with technology.
  • Lunch yesterday with a couple of friends.  One is 2 years younger…one is 4 years older.  Had me resetting the realty checkpoint.  There is no normal.
  • Retirement and vanity.  Toward the end of my career, I had gained a significant amount of weight.  I sat in a chair for 8 hours a day in a restricted area.  Fashion did not even cross my mind.  My clothes and I were clean.  Now that I’m retired and spend several days at a time at home, fashion does not even cross my mind.  As I was dressing this morning in my 5 year old Lands End capris and at least 5 year old Lands End T shirt two sizes too big, I wondered what happened?  I’m totally content with messed hair and no makeup.  The takeaway here may be that Lands End makes clothes that stand the test of time.
  • While standing number 2 in a line of 7 other people,’this morning, I fumed at the inconsiderate woman who made it to the counter totally unprepared –  talking to the clerk about the last time she sent something…she wanted the same thing this time…as the smiling USPS worker held up envelope and receipt one after the other trying to figure out what she was talking about….then once it was established, woman then had to fill out to: and from:  address on her envelope.  Whatever happened to courtesy and awareness that 8 other people were behind her?
  • It’s so bloody hot!

Until next time…..

Our own House of Cards

We started our Season 4 binge watching of House of Cards last night.  Because it had been so long, we watched the finale of Season 3 so we could possibly remember who the characters are, were and anticipate what they will do 🙂

I’ve visited DC several times – I think 6 but I could be off one.  I really love the atmosphere, the power, the history and the vibes in DC.  Sadly, very sadly, while watching House of Cards, I thought – okay…it’s been about 9 years, I’m ready to go again…and then that overwhelming sadness in the pit of my stomach as I remembered Trump and his group of thugs were in the White House and it isn’t my Washington, DC anymore.

We were there during the Bush, Jr presidency and while I thought he had only the brains that would fit into a thimble, I still respected him AS President while disagreeing with  a lot of his decisions.

It’s totally different with the Trump White House.  I feel genuine fear for my safety and the safety of all of my patriots!

It’s a very sad time in America.

Until next time…..

Wow.  2015 really did suck

Sitting on the couch this Saturday morning with him….each of us glued to our IPADS….I’m shocked that the clock just chimed 12 times.  I’ve done my twitter feed, followed up googling some political BS, thought about our day yesterday, smiling about the absolute love and total exhaustion taking our 4 year old grandson to his first county fair.  Then I went to FB and read my ON THIS DAY feed which included on this day a year ago I was 1 year post kidney cancer surgery.  Then I read this excerpt from a blog I posted on this day 2015.

It’s a bittersweet day though as he and I are about to lose our senior cat, Billy aka Bill Clinton. In December of 2007, I finally wore him down and he agreed that I could adopt a cat. Billy and I connected – although at the time, the ARL had named him Mouser. He was beautiful and sweet and gentle. His welcome to our home involved me getting out of the car carrying him in his cat carrier – he took quite a tumble as I slipped on the ice and he was air born. Through his life with us, he accepted 3 dogs and 4 other cats…but he was always the main man! Earlier this year, we had several mast cell tumors removed from his body and learned that the cancer would be back. He’s lost a lot of weight but kept his personality until the last couple of days. He’s not eating – not even sneaking people food. He walks away from his beloved cheese. We have seen the light go out of his eyes. We are just waiting now. I stayed up with him for awhile last night just willing him to stop breathing so we don’t have to have him euthanized. *tear. If you have ever loved an animal, you understand the pain. So.

😭
Combine that with his November 2015 heart attack and subsequent triple bypass.  I’ve decided that for the most part 2015 was a wash…the most traumatic year I’ve lived through.

But, except for Billy, we did live through it.  In the last two years, I’ve learned insight, peacefulness, compassion and gratitude which Will make me stronger for my next life test.

Until next time….

I had dreams of long hair in a bun….

I cannot speak for all women – but I speak for a lot of us.  We go to the hair salon pretty confident that the picture we saw in the magazine, on line, on Jane Doe at the mall is just exactly what we want for our hair.  I think most women have honestly had that shoot through their mind even if they didn’t follow through with it.  I don’t think this happens to men…My opinion… and feel free to correct me is men go to the hair salon or more likely the barber because their hair needs to be cut.  Period.

Now that my son-in-law cuts my hair in his salon, I have those moments at family events where I mentally think – damn – I wish I would have taken some time with my hair today…and the second thought I snicker and think, I’m guessing on a day like today he’s not wishing I had a business card to hand out saying – Hey Look, my hair stylist owns Evolve Hair, KC.  Also, sometimes it is very difficult not to see him at family events and talk to him about my hair…what do you think about this cut…do you think I need more purple highlights…what am I doing wrong with my bangs.  But I seldom speak these things out loud because he’s not my stylist then, he’s my son in law.

I decided a few months ago that I was going to go natural white and grow my hair out because I so much wanted to have long hair to put on top of my head in a bun or pulled back in a pony tail.  He laughed….and he helped me begin the process.  I got this far.

IMG_4370

When I got in the chair today, he asked what we are doing today.  I told him we are cutting it off.  Because he knows I’m probably going to change my mind he gave me some ideas to trim it up without taking ALL of that length off.  I showed him a picture and said…lets do something like this.

Screen Shot 2017-07-13 at 8.30.35 PM

and so we did.  my hair is still white.  I’m pretty confident *eyerolling that isn’t going to change but I had to tell him that he was right – I need to keep my hair short…and he just laughed.

….and in case you are thinking how lucky I am to have a son-in-law who does hair…you would be soooo right!

Until next time….