Tripping over the stones

Where I am in my life, tripping over things is okay….the best way I can explain being okay with tripping is it doesn’t hurt as much as falling down or falling over the cliff. I have been on a path of self discovery for many years….mainly because I didn’t like to spend time with myself and my negative thoughts and I knew there was something I didn’t understand about life and living…..I knew that an inner peace was achievable and the journey was not going to be easy. I guess what I didn’t really realize that I would have to take this journey one step at a time rather than trudging up the hill in an hour or a day. It started when I was about 25 and I’m closing in on 62 and every single day I learn a new way of thinking, a new way of being….a new way to live life. It’s like the picture slide projector from the 60s…we would have our pictures developed into little squares with cardboard surround and we would put those in a Kodak projector shining on a white wall or screen and one by one we would view these pictures with a click of a button.

Sometimes a very slow process because if you clicked too fast, the machine would jam. Sometimes we would linger on a certain picture in order to remark about it, reminisce about a memory associated with it or attempt to figure out exactly why we took the picture.

We all start on the road from a different intersection and we meet others at different Crossroads. Sometimes we choose to walk along with them other times we choose to continue alone…..but the bottom line is we must keep moving…up that hill even if we fall down and if we go over the cliff?? Well, it’s a long way back up to where we were but with skinned knees and injured pride, we will know what to watch for as we continue.

Until next time….

I have another one of those unbelievable stories

Back in the 60’s my mother was a legal secretary for a law firm in Des Moines.  I was probably about 8 or 9 when Linda came into our lives as a high school girl hired to work part time in this law firm basically under the tutelage of my mother. Linda had a strong connection with my mother and visa versa.  Linda came to our home – mom taught Linda how to make peanut brittle – Linda was part of the conversations I heard at home.  My mother and I went to Linda’s parent’s home…lots of vague memories stored in my memory vault.  Linda got married and left the law firm and my mother, for the most part, lost contact with Linda.

Those of you who know me or have read my blogs know that I had a very difficult childhood and adult relationship with my mother.  Recently I started feeling strong and curious enough to start going through totes of papers, pictures, genealogy research that belonged to her.  Today amongst a lot of very old family letters and pictures, I opened an envelope  with pictures and a letter written by Linda to my mother in 1990.  It was a catch up letter.  I was immediately compelled to google her to see whatever happened to her….she is on FB and for some reason, I didn’t stop there, I friended her on FB and sent her a message on FB messenger introducing myself … which she answered immediately.  She sent me her phone number and another higher power connection was made.  This was a phone call of tears, laughter and incredible healing as I found her soul open, understanding and loving.  My connection with her was immediate!

….and then here is the irony.  When Linda found out where I lived, she mentioned that she was supposed to come to the Kansas City area last week to pick up a shih tzu dog from a breeder as Linda fosters, trains and places dogs with forever homes. But last week, the weather was cold and rainy and fortunately Linda came down with a bad head cold so she had to postpone the trip.  Perhaps the story should read that because our energy had yet to connect, Linda had to postpone the trip until sometime later this month…and the absolute shocking detail  is that the breeder lives 7 minutes from me in this town of 8,000 people.  Now what do you make of that?

Linda and I will meet, I will give her a big hug and I will continue to tear up and feel the love and energy from this totally unexpected, unexplainable connection from our past.

Until next time….

Connection

I made a Facebook connection awhile back with a classmate of mine…if memory serves, we actually were classmates from kindergarten through graduation. I call him a classmate because we weren’t really friends….we knew each other and existed in the same world. We didn’t socialize or even, for the most part, share friends. So…I’m not really sure how we connected on Facebook…and the true bonus here is I also connected with his wife…a Facebook friendship I cherish but don’t understand.

The middle paragraph and middle part of this story is really a question: is there really some universe thing that connects peoples souls? some intuitive connection that brings together virtual strangers? The feeling that you have really known them all of your life….well, with Chuck, I guess I have known him for 56 years. This little mystery of human connection …. deeper human connection that just Hi, how is your day? “Have a good day” relationship. Are we brought together for a reason? It’s all such a mystery….

Bottom line…these connections, our lingering friendships and trusting others with the deepest parts of ourselves, inviting others to take a seat in our life….this the whipped cream on our pumpkin pie!

Until next time.

When the anxiety horn blows

I’ve been trying to blog for several days…in fact right now I’m trying to figure out how to put words together.  I feel I need to get it out of my head so I can shut it down and reel in my anxiety.

Nothing bad has happened….life has happened….but the complication of being an empath has fueled the fires of hell in my mind. I know, intellectually, what I need to do to get a grip but I am going to have to handcuff the part of my brain that does not allow me to avoid so I can to actually accomplish it.

Without going into any detail…suffice to say that when all of a sudden those connected to you start having minor health and common mentally challenging events, I, as an empath, take on those emotions…I can’t explain it, I just feel it.  If you are an empath, you totally understand, if you are not an empath, just read along.

When several minor things happen to those around you, it can be completely overwhelming and if you just go with the flow and fail to arm yourself from these growing life events, eventually the nasty overwhelming feelings take over your peace of mind. For me, that is where destructive anxiety takes over.  Anxiety for me is the inability to have calm, inability to think rationally.  Many times when the sun goes down, my fear and morbid thoughts rage and I’m stuck with heart racing, irrational fear of anything that could possibly happen.

I know this.  I have experienced it too many times in my life not to understand it.  I get complacent, I don’t use the skills I’ve learned to deal with it in the beginning.  I must back away from everyone’s energy.  I must fine my peace in solitude

Until next time……

Exactly where I was supposed to be…..

I had a particularly satisfying guided Meditation tonight.  I have my favorites and I usually choose Jason Stephenson…but tonight when I was selecting which You Tube video I was going to use, I didn’t think about it….for some reason I chose This one.  It was the right one….it took me where I needed to be.  it’s almost like hypnosis….he took me deeper and deeper into total relaxation and then successfully guided me into working out some things I needed to learn about myself.

And then when he brought me out of it and the meditation was over, You Tube automatically took me to my next saved favorite Video.

And I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Namaste…..

….learning….the life long process

Feeling vulnerable is a natural emotion.  I believe whether we have the tenacity to fight this emotion or wear it on our sleeve, we all have differing triggers and degrees  of vulnerabilities….I’m not sure if this feeling of being susceptible to being wounded or hurt,  open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc. ever goes away.  There is something about that inner voice that is always chatting away inside us.  I believe the vulnerable emotion’s most important job is just an alert for incoming mortar fire.

Those of us who have been damaged or emotionally injured early in life, perhaps, are more susceptible to understanding we have to take in the information, understand what is happening and learn how to fight these assaults on our well being.  Others may be stronger and don’t knowingly listen to the voice while there are those who give into the feelings which brings them to their knees.

I wonder if aggressive personalities, fighters, angry people are just fighting their feelings of vulnerability on the front line.  It is often a painful feeling and for self preservation these people feel they are saving themselves…..and on the other end, there is either no fight left or  skills have not been honed in order to even understand this emotion and they just give in to being a victim?

Until next time….

I have been hesitant to talk about this

Mainly because in the past, I have had no faith in the the stories about psychics.  I am sharing this story because it has been an overwhelming event in my life and I’m sharing it in my blog for my personal documentation of the event.  Here is the condensed version.

On June 27th, he and I did some trail walking at Burr Oak conservation area north of us in Blue Springs.  As we ambled along the trails, we came to a wooden viewing area over a creek bed.  As I stood at the railing taking in nature, I was gripped by an extremely weird feeling….a chilling feeling that someone had died there.  At first, I turned to him and said, I think someone committed suicide here.  I was convinced that if I looked down, I would see a body.  When we turned away from the area and continued on our walk, the feeling left me…physically…but I have been haunted? with the memory every day since it happened.

It was so real to me that when we got home, I began an extensive google search to see if I could find anything in the news.

In the next few days, I shared my experience with a couple of people I trust who I know are Intuitives…I needed someone to give me a rationale to what I couldn’t seems to remove from my thoughts.

3 days ago during meditation, I had a fleeting image of a man laying on his side.  The image was not so much the body but the head with a cap on.  I felt like it was a soldier.  It did not bother me other than where did that come from.

Yesterday following my meditation, I was compelled to google civil war Blue Springs.

I became very emotional when I read this


The Morgan Walker Farm is now Pink Hill Park


I, of course, will have no way of knowing if this has anything to do with my experience, but I am content in my beliefs.

….and that’s my story.