but, I had an epiphany…is that the right usage of that word.  I was driving along thinking what started out as benign thoughts and the holy crap light came on.  We should never label ourselves.  What I am this minute of this hour of this day is not the same person I am going to be tomorrow at the same time.  Something is going to occur in my life that will change me.  It started with the guy out for his morning run and I started wondering if he enjoyed it, did it to stay thin, did it because it felt good to his body or was just nuts!  Which led me to think about walking and how much I enjoy the freedom of walking..how sometimes when I get in the groove, I feel like I could just walk forever…keeping in mind the earth is round and also there are hills…so that does change things..then that took me to Red Rock Lake..we took the pontoon to the lake with my brother-in-law and our friend last night when I got off work..totally spontaneous…totally unplanned…totally the way I love to do things.  Which led me to thinking about other trips to Red Rock when the kids were small…we biked on our Walmart bikes on the paths..I hated it…hated it..and then I thought about those bikers who love to go on RAGBRAI..(Registers annual great bike ride across Iowa)…it’s a bid deal in July..the absolute hottest month of the year – riding a bike over the miles of hilly terrain in Iowa…which led my thought process to:  I’m just not a bike rider…and then….the light went on.  How many times have I said in my life..I’m not this or I’m not that…how do I think I have a clue who I am according to labels because every experience we have changes who we are.  Everything…it doesn’t stop until our mind stops…constant change…fight it or give into it..but we are changing.  Right now I have this opinion…but in a few seconds this could change by something that happens to me.  Labels don’t work..labels we put on others and the labels we put on ourselves…I think often we label ourselves and then spend copious amounts of time proving we live up to that label..instead of being who we are in the moment and allowing others to be who they are in the moment.  We may not like someone or their actions..but just like the Iowa weather..wait an hour and it will change.

Until next time….

I worked on ebay stuff all day…it has been a non-stressful, pleasant day…got about 14 things added to my selling list…

He worked on installing a new walk-out garage door…

That’s it…got nothing.

Later

…and I only have 3 days in my work week…thanks Jasper County for the there days off at the beginning of my work week.

My thoughts today are all over the place… I’m thinking primarily about @Tracy and her inconclusive cancer tests..and the fact that she has awesome nails.

Spent the afternoon at the ARL yesterday…due to a total change in management/employees..the board members are picking up the slack so I volunteered as a former board member.  My mind is on Pokey, the 3 month old kitten that had already been spoken for on adoption papers but something went wrong and he was struggling to live yesterday.  I fed him about 4 ounces of some life-sustaining liquid..he’s very weak but still had an incredible meow..especially when I obviously irritated him.  I also took a 13 year old chihuaua for a walk, helped with a couple of dogs who were visited by their possible future humans.  Fell in love with a yellow lab..I keep thinking about him/her..just adorable..and used skills I learned off the Dog Whisperer on a schnauzer with an attitude.  It worked, though, everytime I would go thru the pens, I would stop while he was frantically barking..talk gentle and invade his space and he would actually stop barking and eventually lay down…the last time though, he layed down but started showing me his teeth…the blood was rushing to my head because I had leaned over so long and he was really starting to irritate me and I knew he would be able to feel my tension so I moved on.  He hasn’t seen the last of me. 

I hear people (and used to say it myself) I just can’t go there – it is so depressing…but I look at it totally different now.  Critters live in the moment…you have no idea how happy they are just to be out of the cage and getting some love…then they can take that back to their kennel until the next time.  It makes you feel good to spend some time with these critters that need some love and need to be “out” for awhile.  They are sooooo appreciative.  I’m available to anyone who wants someone to go with them to JCARL. 

The weather is beautiful here again today.

Until next time…..

Feeling a little manic this morning…not good kind of manic – I’m going to see Lisa, my therapist, this afternoon..first appointment for about 3 weeks due to life happening. We always have that initial 2 or 3 sentence greeting when I arrive and then she says..with that concerned look…How are you doing today. It kind of irritated me in the beginning because I thought it was fake..but she has used the same look and said exactly the same thing for every session which now number in the high teens. Today, I may knock her down as soon as she opens the door so I can get back to the therapy couch and start..don’t want to waste a minute of it!!

Most of the things on my mind are shrouded in privacy. Some things will remain private. Some things are my privacy while other things belong to others which are none of my business to talk about. What I will say is several events from this past week have stirred up passions and emotions from my past life; and my dreams last night were bordering on psychotic, sadness and anger by my subconscious dealing with it. I seriously don’t know whether to throw things, cuss or cry…I’m sure a couple of them will come out in Lisa’s office today…

The absolute bright spot of my weekend was a bridal shower for Katy thrown by Christa and Lys. Christa is Brett’s wife and Lys is her daughter. They held it at my house because of the size. If I counted right, I think there were 19 here…it was great fun…great to see friends, great to see Kate’s friends and great to celebrate our love for her and our love for the groom. The shower was one of great food – vegetarian and meat eater – lots of mingling and conversation, wonderful gifts and lots of laughter…

Sunday was fun for me..we spent the day in Des Moines – we visited the Science Center and the exhibit of Body Works..incredible…the explanation of how the body works using real bodies and body parts. We had coffee/ice tea down the street at Java Joes…early dinner at Hu Hot in Ankeny and then a trip to a 1930’s carousel at Union Park in DM. The girls fought me every step of the way but inspite of themselves, I think they had fun.

Onward and Upward…

Until next time…

I can remember not so long ago, a friend dressing me down in a group setting about my facebook habits…The whole conversation really pissed me off and I removed her icon from my circle of good friends. Oh..it wasn’t just her lecture..I’m a lot more loyal than that..but that was the spark that burned down the forest. I know we are not all the same – I know we all reach out in different ways…there is not wrong or right..perhaps there is a good and bad..but that is not what today’s thoughts are about.

I have a love affair with the internet…I do not apologize for it; nor do I entertain any guilt…I’ve met some very special people who touch my life everyday..I met them on XANGA..these people would not be in my life if it were not for the WWW. I feel as close to these people in my life as the actual earthly bodies I can reach out and touch. They make me laugh and cry..I know what is going on in their life and what they think about it probably better than the earthly bodies. I’m very thankful for them.

Then there are the reconnects…when life happens, we lose contact with important people in our lives. Facebook has brought them back into my life…it just makes me feel happy. I could either be wondering what has happened to them or what is going on in their lives when they pop into my head…or I can click on their facebook page and know!

…and then there is the rest of the WWW that I use constantly..there is not an unanswerable question. The information available at our fingertips is infinite..even if you can’t spell it, you can find it.

I’m totally in LOVE. I feel sorry for people who don’t use the internet, people who haven’t found us on xanga or who don’t use Facebook…There is a huge void in their life…they don’t know it…but I do. What great advancement in technology will be next?

Until next time….

I asked “him” on the way home from Lowes/Menards last night – gee..do you think we will ever just be carefree. He just smiled and looked out the window. I needed to feel some control, so I was driving. Seems right now that life has come out of left field and introduced itself again….right field and infield were already up to the plate. At 55, I’m just learning how to roll with it…the rhetoric and advice from my younger years was lip service. Kind of like I was saying what I knew was right, but didn’t practice it because I didn’t really know how. I think I just wanted to be normal and stress free so bad that I deluded myself into thinking I was rolling with it.

One thing at a time…one day at a time. Deal with it and move on..if it isn’t your problem to solve, let it go..always be there with love, understanding and forgiveness for people in your life….and adopt copious amounts of dogs and cats…That is what I believe.

Upward and Onward…

Until next time…

I don’t even know how to begin conversing about this topic…I’ve always heard you shouldn’t talk about politics and religion without causing a bunch of panty bunching – but, this just keeps popping into my head and I”m going to bring it up. 

As football season approaches (I pick on football players because I watch a lot of football), we’ll get to see the guy in the tight pants run down the field under the big H – kneel down and sign the cross across his chest or point upward as if thanking God for this touchdown…then there is the news footage of a catastrophe whether it be man made or weather related and the people are standing outside this tragic event saying..God was watching over them…as opposed to their neighbor, the schmuck, who is trapped in the house next door?…. the fans of whatever competition on the sidelines praying for God to let their side win…and God does?  Thank you God for the beautiful day you provided for…… but?  

as opposed to…

the player who runs down the field and makes a touchdown and knows that God most likely didn’t move all of those big players out of his way – that it is the way the game is played…the catastrophe victim who lost everything including his entire family…God didn’t watch over them because they didn’t pray hard enough?  God didn’t like the losing team today because their fans didn’t pray enough and God really cares which side wins…and does anyone get mad at God if the day for the event doesn’t turn out beautiful?  Thank you God for the snow storm that totally messed up all of our plans….No..it’s the weather..you have a 50/50 chance.

You have lots of money, great health, great family, no worries, no pain thank you God…but what happens when you lose all of your money?  Do you think God has taken it away.  Did God cause that accident that ruined your day and killed your family…he must have if on the flip side you are thanking God that no one was injured in the accident that ruined your day?

Do not in anyway consider me a non-believer in God.   I think you can be in love with a beautiful day and want to rejoice…but I also think it needs to be mentioned that God gave us reasoning and choice..choice in all things… I also believe in your right to believe the way you want to believe..so this is not meant to bring about christian venom venting – just a perspective.

Thoughts

Until next time…