Asking for a friend. Okay, okay it was me.

I had a major fail today..

She was probably 65 year old woman with a definite pear shape…I mention the pear shape because after her non-courteous, snippy behavior at the check out, when she finally moved, I judged her for not wearing a longer blouse to camouflage the caboose. My irritation began as I stood in line while she tried to come up with pennies for change so she wouldn’t have to receive pennies back. The clerk had completely checked out my items and stacked them on the counter but I was unable to advance forward because she stood dead in her space and looked through every sack before she put them in her cart. Finally I was able to get up to the credit card machine to check out and the clerk got my groceries sacked.

…..and of course she was parked in front of me in the parking lot. When I saw her carry her case of Dr Pepper to the other side of the car, I just KNEW she was going to,leave her grocery cart sitting there. Yep. She got in the car and drove off. Dark black smoke was starting to escape from my ears. Before she shut her door, I bit my tongue instead of HEY…PUT YOUR SHOPPING CART AWAY. While I was pushing both of our carts around two cars to the cart corral I shook my head and said out loud….you lazy bitch.

What is the correct way to handle this situation?

Finishing up

Few things I can name as actual accomplishments, but I feel like some long projects are reaching completion as winter and spring draw nigh.

I sincerely hope the house wrens are about finished decorating for the year because quite frankly their new home is so full stuff is hanging out the front door.

Back splash is being installed today 🤗 which makes me very happy

School is finally out so the opportunities to visit our youngest daughter …teacher, not student… will, in theory, be easier. I’m making a lot of progress with my daily ruminating. It does feel healthier to let the crap of the past go and focus on the present….the right now. Thank goodness I’ve never been the kind to set goals instead I like to fly by the seat of my pants ….. that’s not to say I haven’t always worried about the future and actually dreaded tomorrow because I wasn’t prepared for what might happen. I’m easing into this way of actually living and not just knowing it’s what i should do and giving lip service to it.

5 things I see right now…the IPAD, my cup of coffee, Frannie asleep on the floor, napkins from Subway laying on the remote basket and the red hurricane lamp sitting on a cabinet that is not flush with the world. 5 things I hear. John spreading mastic on the wall in the kitchen, clock ticking, other clock ticking, house wrens singing and the air conditioner whirring through the vents. I’m in the moment.

Until next time…..

Just one of those folksy stories

Our neighbor who lives the second house down is from Des Moines. Now for those who don’t know, I’m originally from Des Moines. She’s probably a decade older than I am so we wouldn’t have the same friends…..and she went to a high school on the other side of Des Moines…interestingly enough my high school’s chief rival back in the 70s. We see each other on the street occasionally but she comes down to visit during City wide garage sales and that’s how our common geography somehow came out.

The Quality of the USPS here in small town Missouri suffers during the month before Christmas. It is actually so irritating that I could do an entire blog rant about it but Right now I don’t need to build the drama in my head. We have metal mailboxes every so often on the street. Each box contains 8 little boxes and the mail person has taped inside each little box a card with the residents name and street address. With that being said, today when I gathered the mail, there was no mail with our name in it but was full of mail for my Des Moines neighbor. I knocked on the door to drop it off and spent a significant amount of time with her taking a tour of the house, talking our like political leanings and had a wonderful visit with this fellow cat lady. On the way home, I once again had one of those “what are the chances” thoughts in my head that two women from a city of approximately 200,000 would end up neighbors in a town of just north of 8,000 people 4 hours south.

Until I saw him standing in the driveway shielding himself from the wind in his socks and t shirt….oh and he had jeans on trying to figure out if I had been kidnapped or was laying dead at the curb. I’m well taken care of …. although I did think it would be a great ending if squad cars running lights and sirens would have squealed around the corner…………..

Until next time….

Connection

I made a Facebook connection awhile back with a classmate of mine…if memory serves, we actually were classmates from kindergarten through graduation. I call him a classmate because we weren’t really friends….we knew each other and existed in the same world. We didn’t socialize or even, for the most part, share friends. So…I’m not really sure how we connected on Facebook…and the true bonus here is I also connected with his wife…a Facebook friendship I cherish but don’t understand.

The middle paragraph and middle part of this story is really a question: is there really some universe thing that connects peoples souls? some intuitive connection that brings together virtual strangers? The feeling that you have really known them all of your life….well, with Chuck, I guess I have known him for 56 years. This little mystery of human connection …. deeper human connection that just Hi, how is your day? “Have a good day” relationship. Are we brought together for a reason? It’s all such a mystery….

Bottom line…these connections, our lingering friendships and trusting others with the deepest parts of ourselves, inviting others to take a seat in our life….this the whipped cream on our pumpkin pie!

Until next time.

….just like oil, the truth rises to the top of the bowl

I think that once there is a crack in my expectations and therefore personal choices, the liquid drips out until I have a steady flow before other people’s judgements and opinions start jamming up the mess again! I have a steady flow right now!

I have welcomed Inputs and experiences this past week putting aside my prior expectations and preconceived beliefs and came away with peace of mind and understanding. Who knew that just opening my heart, receiving what felt good and blocking as unimportant the experiences that bring me angst, could have a profound affect on my outlook 🙄!

We all have choices…the difference for me is going to be the ability to move forward putting into action what is right for me and closing off the opinions and rules of others.

Onward and upward!

Until next time….

I put one foot in front of the other

Made my way into my mind’s rational room where all the figurines are placed in their appropriate place….all in a week where the skies are gloomy and the temps below average.  Every morning, I tried to think of the day’s gloomy weather like wearing an oversized t shirt with my old Walmart sweatpants.  Comfortable, safe and familiar as opposed to having to push myself out the door into warmth and sunshine wearing jeans, boots and a noticeable red shirt!

I’m approaching 9 months of being medication free.  I’ve learned that I no longer have the option of pharm to put me in a stupor in order to not feel anything….I must recognize the signs that anxiety is creeping in day to day or actually just event to event.  Perhaps I’m a slow learner or more likely I just don’t have the discipline yet to work the skills I’ve learned to ease the symptoms when they first appear?

This night time irrational anxiety is a bitch!  but this week, I grabbed it with all of my strength and won again.  Practice makes perfect, right?

Until next time…..

One of those Moments..

I remember when my girls were in preschool….Lollipop Lane…Grandparents were invited around Thanksgiving for a special day.  My girls were lucky to live in the same town as both sets of grandparents so were accompanied by Gmas and Gpas Brown and Green.  After these pre-Thanksgiving events, the girls would come home with Reindeer made out of clothespins made by the Grandparents and themselves.  The same grandparents day craft event…. 6 years apart.  I put all of those reindeer clothespins on the Christmas Trees for many years even after they were adults.  I wasn’t even part of the craftmaking but these Christmas ornaments probably meant more to me than they  did to the girls.

I received a Text message from Jenny tonight confirming Papa and Grandma were attending Grandparent Day at Preschool later this month.  I, seriously, had a couple tears slide down my cheeks.  I’m a Grandma.  Back in the day, I really never considered the possibility that I would one day be old enough let alone actually have grandchildren.  I’m ecstatic about going with Jax to preschool.  An old-age rite of passage, so to speak!

Until next time….

What are you thinking about?

Him:  farming, angus, fields

Me:  when we get home, I can get the laundry done today and back in the camper before he takes it to be winterized Monday, should I strip the bed when we get home or wait until spring so they will be clean, sure wish I would have frozen some water yesterday so the food in the coolers will be okay…I guess if the frozen veg thaw too much I can just toss them.  Holy crap there are a lot of dead armadillos…used to only see them further south…see them around KC now..what on earth would cause them to go north and why are they all dead.

Are we normal?

Perfect weekend

The brother-in-law and the bestie came for a visit Friday night and Saturday.  Obviously ordered by the mental health angels.  We began our trip to Bennett Spring feeling loved and centered!

As happens every time we drive down into the park my heart sang with old memories of happiness and making new memories with him.  After setting up, we headed to the lodge for dinner at 4:30 …. exactly the way old people are supposed to do it.  I have hope every time we are here that the food will improve but I swear they can’t even pull off a tasty hamburger…we are repeat customers mostly because of the ambiance and history.  The lodge along with most all of the other buildings and bridges here were built by the CCC in the 30’s.

After dinner we hit the park store to check for off season sales and to scope out my future purchases.


We bought a couple of ball caps which were a necessity because it started raining.  After a hot and humid day on the stream, rain brings on the eerie fog which roles from the spring down the stream.  Fisherman actually are lost from View by the fog.


…..and when we got back to the campsite…


Namaste…

Not my first goat rope

Or not my first rodeo but today ….. put it in Perspective.

I have had a headache for a little over a month.  I’ve been on two rounds of antibiotics, 5 days of prednisone and now on steroidal eye drops.  I’m better today….it’s just a vague headache but I’m really out of sorts and it has thrown my entire peaceful agenda into disarray.  Okay….it isn’t really the headache….it is my REACTION to not feeling well.

  • He’s only a 23 pound 9 month old child who is a charmer who smiles all of the time and has a voracious appetite.. unless he is tired and needs a nap….then his screaming can peel paint from the walls.  He’s only a 23 pound baby….it’s just a thing until it isn’t a thing…he’s one of the loves of my life!
  • I killed at least 13 flies in the house yesterday and have already killed 5 this morning.  They have to be coming in from somewhere.  They are only flies…they aren’t snakes or dinosaurs.  They are only flies.
  • It is September 21st and there is a heat advisory out for this area.  Heat and humidity for crying out loud.  I can’t stand the humidity.  It’s just hot, princess….you can spend your time indoors in the air conditioning.
  • Trump is still President and the republicans are trying to take away healthcare and innocent souls are dying because of global warning,  okay…..you are on to something there….put it into Perspective….I CAN’T.

Until next time…..