I totally get it: EDIT: She is dead

I am afraid of pit bulls…I totally understand that the breed has become the poster dog for vicious canines.  I understand that not every pit bull will lunge, fight, disfigure and kill.  I get it.  I also understand that any dog, when provoked, could mame.  I know that some dogs are taught to fight and defend.  But when it is proven that a dog has the jaw set and the power and has a history of causing life threatening flesh damage to a human, why would I want to find myself in close proximity to a possible killer.  I would feel the same way about being in a room with a “DEAD” hand grenade or shooting an empty revolver at my head.  Ya…chances are I’ll be fine…but….always the but.

…and in addition because I’m pretty pissed right now…if you are an adult and want to own a pit bull and you take precautions that no one else has to engage this dog without their consent..that is fine.  But who raises their small child around a pit bull and leaves them unsupervised in the back fenced in yard?

I’m so mad and have so much anxiety that I think my head is going to blow off.



There is a reason….

I believe the reason is:

Humans need some control in their lives.  I believe those over their heads in their situation and have no control over things in their own life, eventually develop a bully personality, pick on others and talk really loud.  I normally think of the “bully” as a child on the playground…and I think many times that is where it starts.  You know the loud mouth guy who stands around in a group with his buddys…has a beer in his hand, talks loud, only knows one describing words which is the f-word and can take down women, gays, hispanics and african-americans in one sentence.  He’s a jerk, he’s a bully and I believe this personality comes from years of not having any control.  Introduce any loud mouth politician or right wing radical or bigot and you have found a bully who has no real control in his life and gets his perceived power by telling others what they are and are not going to do in their personal life.  How much proof is needed…the conservative congressman whose spiel is control rhetoric over everyone else but can’t keep the “sports car” zipped in it’s garage.  He has no self control and he doesn’t think he needs it because he really believes that he can control everyone else with this perceived power.   When 2 or more bullys gather, you find the root of what I call evil …. you may call it politics.  Bullying is not just an ugly male trait…but I think women do it differently.  One huge advantage women have is as long as men have the unsecured “sports car”, women have the power to manipulate the garage.

I actually have to smile when someone tries to take me out with damning written rhetoric or the booming voice…no self control, no possible negotiating, just bad manners.  That’s how I know they don’t actually have any control.

Until next time….

I can be a gun toting liberal

I got my concealed carry permit yesterday.  I don’t think I will be packin’ heat too often.  I really have not had very many occasions in the last 57 years where I thought to myself..hmm..I sure wish I had a gun for protection….and those times I did feel I needed a gun for protection I was in the perceived safety of my home.

My dad always had short and long guns in the house.  He took me to the farm when I was young and showed me how to load and fire the cutest little 22 Beretta.  I fell in love.  When I was 9 or 10 (I was a latchkey kid), I came home from school and the inside garage door to our house was ajar.  I was prepared.  I went into the house, walked into my folk’s bedroom, got the Beretta out of my dad’s drawer and cleared the house including the basement.  I was scared to death but had no fear because I would have shot an intruder without blinking an eye.  My dad was not horrified with the story and it bolstered my confidence. 

HE and I did the same with our daughters.  After my dad passed, I decided I wanted to be a reserve police officer for a neighboring community so I did the training and carried on my hip.  I will say that the weapon training I received was a lot more intensive than the “class” required to obtain a concealed carry permit in Iowa.    I will never forget running up and down the hallways of an elementary school at night and on command stopping to tear my pistol down and put it back together and run again.  I really wish the other thousands of folk in Iowa that are flocking to their sheriff’s offices to get a concealed carry permit had some hand’s on training rather than an internet class…but it is what it is.

I’m also a card carrying liberal and have never understood why my right to bear arms is a conservative issue any more than the woman’s right to her own body and the rights of adults to marry who they love.

Until next time.

It’s not that I don’t have an opinion….

The days when I don’t form the skeleton of a blog while taking my morning shower are just dull days for me.  That means that I have no focus and not filled with joy or rage…I’m idling with the clutch pushed to the floor.

There is a young, blond, christian Xanga blogger who can raise my blood pressure a bit because she is such a victim.  Things frequently happen to her…I hope I’m around when she gets some age on her and figures out she has some type of victim mentality so she can own it and move on.  Life is difficult.

I applauded the young male blogger this morning who finally came out to a group of people verbally and announced that he is gay.  What a wonderful, overwhelming, life changing moment for this young man.  I’m sure someone will try to put him back in the closet with their nasty rhetoric…but I’m guessing his life is just beginning.

There’s the guy going under the knife for some scoliosis surgery..I’m sure he is scared and I hope the surgery goes well for him.  He seems like a really nice guy. 

Someone’s blog also put a little perspective into my “religion” thoughts this morning…I’ll keep that to myself for now until I can process my thinking about it a little. 

All in all, it appears outside is going to be a bleak day…but inside I’m pretty open to whatever is coming my way….one foot on the brake, the other on the clutch…just waiting.

Until next time….


Back in the mid-70’s my mother told me that if I wanted to go to a psychiatrist that she would pay for it.  1 time.  It’s too bad that she didn’t try to step up to the plate and acknowledge her craziness and go to counseling with me..but she didn’t and that is history.  At the time, the shrink “helped” me with my guilt by telling me that I had Cinderella Syndrome.  Of course, affirming that all of my problems were me and my way of thinking and he made no effort to help me understand how I developed this Cinderella Syndrome.  Apparently it presents itself as always feeling put upon, always doing the work and resenting everyone for it.  My answer to this today is…well, OF COURSE!!!  So I continued my journey into hate and resentment until in my middle age, I realized that something had to give and I sought counseling to work thru my disfunctional life.

With some clarity now, I look back on the Cinderella thing and realize that the shrink had, perhaps, actually picked up on something.  I am healthy enough now not to see it as a big red check mark and something else bad about my personality…I now see it as a label or tool that when I feel a certain way, I can ask myself why I’m feeling like Cinderella and work my way thru the anger and anxiety. 

Kimba and I were just talking the other day about how many of us have clarity and some resentment about the way we were treated as children….and…so many time we have broken that particular cycle; but, our kids will feel that we have failed them another way…and in turn…they will turn around and do the same with their children.  I guess as long as we continue to improve with each generation, we should be getting better…shouldn’t we?  But the fact of the matter …there is a cycle for everything…and the cycle the current young adults are in appears to me to be very self-absorbed and disfunctional and resentful…OR…I’m just seeing it thru older, experienced eyes?

Until next time…

Last night I posted over there on Facebook that something has shifted in the universe today. I don’t know what it is..but I’m feeling uneasiness and change.  Kimba questioned me on it this morning…I tried to explain that it isn’t necessarily a Nina feeling…it is more a universe feeling.  The more I’ve thought about it, I question whether it may be rooted in anxiety and over stimulation.  Her questioning made me try to recall the days that I used to get these feelings often and those days were filled with lots of anxiety.  It’s probably just a signal from my little brain and not the universe that I need to prioritize and chill. 

It’s cool and raining today..but not what the bro and sis-in-law are getting in Kansas…We are at 41…they are at 29 with ice covering everything.  Where have I been..Does this always happen in Kansas and I just didn’t know about it before.  I was actually envious when I heard they were moving from Indiana to Kansas because I thought they wouldn’t have any more winters.  Someone needs geography or climetology 101.

I let the dogs out this morning – normally they run down the steps biting at each other and do their perimeter check, do their business and lay down.  This morning they just stood on the porch with the breeze ruffling their hair and sniffed the air.  They stood very still and just sniffed the air.  I stood and watched them…there is a lesson to be learned.

Speaking of Dog.  I’m a Dog the Bounty Hunter fan.  I love the show.  I am fascinated with Dog and Beth and the family.  I have a total crush on Duane Jr but he obviously pissed daddy off and isn’t with the group anymore.  I visited their shop when we were in Hawaii, I proudly wear a t shirt and sweatshirt…You don’t have to like them…but I do…they do not make any attempt to conform to societal standards.  I love that.  Anyway, Edith, back to the point.  I just read something about their show coming to CMT.  The comments were nasty.  Most of the comments had nothing to do with their show but an attack on Dog and Beth and their looks.  Ya.  Dog is eccentric with his long blond, obviously dyed mullet and Beth kind of stands out…But is this a reason to hate them?  They are different so we totally lambast who they are.  Seriously?

Until next time.


Technology is amazing

I have an ultrasound picture of Jenny which is the measurement of the top of her head.  Not something I would have put on my phone as a background…Oh wait.  Early 80’s…I didn’t even know about the cellular phone possibilities.  Yesterday, my grandson’s parents aka Jaxon’s parents attempted a 4D sonogram…he didn’t cooperate and wouldn’t move his forehead away from his mom 🙂  I had to laugh…and so it begins.  I had near tear reactions when I saw his elbows and feet and parts of his face…in hindsight, I guess I was a little surprised that I had these emotions come out of left field…but then last weekend when I saw her pregnant, I was caught up in emotion.  Here’s a picture of Jenny at 3 months.

I’m going to love being able to compare Jenny’s pictures with Jaxon’s pictures.  I know the other Granny will be doing the same thing.  He’s going to be beautiful.

Kate is putting together a picture program of the beautiful parents for a shower to be held in a couple of weeks.  I scanned quite a few pictures last night.  I love this one so much, I had to share.  This is Jenny and our schnauzer, Josh and “their” (Josh was her sibling until Katy came along) Smurfs.  The best part of this picture is they both have their tongues out.

…and this picture.  She and Katy look sooo adorable…I wonder if this was the beginning of Katy’s fear of clowns.  Katy also wore this clown suit for a couple of Halloweens when she got older.

Of course, who can forget the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

HAHAHAHA..love you girls…

Until next time….

This is my BFF, Kimba…which originally stood for Kim-bad-attitude but now is just lovingly her name.  She is going to be very upset with me for posting these two pictures of her…She did not lose her left hand while cooking as it appears in Picture #2.  It just happened….her sleeve being down…she didn’t lose her hand.  Kimba has been my best friend since 1987 when she was hired as a part-time dispatcher for the county….I was about 3 months away from delivering my youngest.  So…theoretically, there has never been a time in Kate’s life when Kim hasn’t been in her life.  There is not a person on earth who knows more about me…we have laughed together, cried together, forgiven each other, said OH SHIT together.  We spent the day together in Des Moines for continuing ed training.  It was excruciating but we were together.  My only disappointment is that she had to put on her glasses every time I passed a note to her…no stealth where we are concerned!  I just wanted to share her with you today.  It is not possible to have a better friend.  Love you, Balmer!


She’s holding a crumb picker-upper and she had just rolled her eyes…But I though she looked so adorable, I had to take a picture.  We spent the weekend in Kansas City with them.  It is such a sentimental, surreal feeling seeing your daughter pregnant.  I have no idea if my mother felt that way about me.  Of course when I was pregnant with the girls, we wore cotton “maternity” shirts – big and long – to cover it all up.

I’ve been reading blogs this morning..I was up off and on all night because of the cat feud we have going on.  I fancy myself as a crazy cat lady who understands her cats…no..really…I understand them clueless but I’m not successful with Baxter and Billy’s newly developed hatred for Belle…can’t let this go on!

I’m kind of in my “just saw the girls this weekend” funk.  I always get this way.  I’ll be seeing Katy more this week because she is back in Iowa for spring break.    He and I made some tentative firm decisions this weekend about our retirement and moving further south.  I mean…this is what a lot of the fields looked like in KC this weekend.

How can you not love that!!!!

Until next time…