Back in the mid-70’s my mother told me that if I wanted to go to a psychiatrist that she would pay for it. 1 time. It’s too bad that she didn’t try to step up to the plate and acknowledge her craziness and go to counseling with me..but she didn’t and that is history. At the time, the shrink “helped” me with my guilt by telling me that I had Cinderella Syndrome. Of course, affirming that all of my problems were me and my way of thinking and he made no effort to help me understand how I developed this Cinderella Syndrome. Apparently it presents itself as always feeling put upon, always doing the work and resenting everyone for it. My answer to this today is…well, OF COURSE!!! So I continued my journey into hate and resentment until in my middle age, I realized that something had to give and I sought counseling to work thru my disfunctional life.
With some clarity now, I look back on the Cinderella thing and realize that the shrink had, perhaps, actually picked up on something. I am healthy enough now not to see it as a big red check mark and something else bad about my personality…I now see it as a label or tool that when I feel a certain way, I can ask myself why I’m feeling like Cinderella and work my way thru the anger and anxiety.
Kimba and I were just talking the other day about how many of us have clarity and some resentment about the way we were treated as children….and…so many time we have broken that particular cycle; but, our kids will feel that we have failed them another way…and in turn…they will turn around and do the same with their children. I guess as long as we continue to improve with each generation, we should be getting better…shouldn’t we? But the fact of the matter …there is a cycle for everything…and the cycle the current young adults are in appears to me to be very self-absorbed and disfunctional and resentful…OR…I’m just seeing it thru older, experienced eyes?
Until next time…
Self knowledge is invaluable. Too bad it can take a long time to acquire! Life would sure be easier if there were operating instructions.
It’s such a relief when you start to understand yourself. i can relate in a lot of ways of the context of what you’re saying. When you start to be able to put the pieces together of why you act or react the way you do, it helps a lot to take a step back and consider what’s going on. It can bring some inner peace I think. It’s also nice to accept who you are, not that you can’t put effort into changing anything you want to change, but to know that WHO you are is OK, is quite often even enough…well it’s just nice to know that and to believe it.I really can relate to thinking about how or what gets passed on…maybe it’s almost like life cycles of the next generation. I am somehow stuck in my oldest kids’ mind as paranoid about things.WHY he thinks that is beyond me. Other than being a mom, who has to look out for her kids, I don’t think I’ve ever been completely paranoid. I had to smile when he looked at me while we were at the ocean, he was holding on to each of his daughter’s hands as the waves were rolling in. One wanted to jump all into them, the other was a little imtimidated…he says to me, “wow this is hard, keeping track of both of them in these waves” HA! light bulb moment for him I think. Live and learn, we all do, if we’re lucky.I applaud your effort in making your own personal progress towards a happy life. I know it can take work, but it’s so worth it!
I don’t know if people are more or less absorbed with themselves than they always have been, but I think we could all use a good dose of therapy!
I think it is wonderful that you can talk about this openly. I know that this has a long history just by some of the dates referenced in your blog. I often Try to work towards my feelings and try to work my feelings out. This isn’t always accepted by others but it works for me and sometimes the argument is worth it.