Welcome to my therapy session…With the exception of the boys-grand babies, every birthday that comes and goes, I feel a little lost….not because of everyone being a year older but birthday celebrations created by my mother are missing! I wish I could ask her why birthdays and holiday celebrations were so important to her and why she knocked herself out making everything special. Always a meal of favorite foods, a birthday cake and presents. When it came to him and the girls, I always felt she was stacking more work on me because I had to think and let her know, for each birthday, what I thought they would want the most! I, now, understand what that “burden” represented to me in our dysfunctional relationship! Was this the way she showed us love or was she playing out through us what she missed out on as a child because her mother died when she was still a child? As the matriarch of our family, have I dropped the ball? After my mother died and my girls moved around, I stopped feeling the need to make everyone’s birthday a national family holiday….does anyone else miss it? This is making me tear up and that’s how I know I must recognize the memories for what they are which is a destructive thought pattern of the past lubed up with feelings and emotions that are in the past. And the only reason they are bothering me today is because I’m not centered and I’m allowing these thoughts and emotions to appear as a reality now instead of living right here, right now…
I’m so thankful to my mentors….and it takes a chorus of them….to teach me….or perhaps learn with me…how to live our best life today…. This post all happened because I wished the husband Happy Birthday this morning! No celebration today because our Des Moines kids drove down yesterday to surprise him and we all did dinner together at his restaurant choice. It was fun! There was love! In my heart I realize that’s all that is important!
Until next time….
Arrogant, blatantly racist, boldly narcissistic, conspiracy theorist, cruel, mean and a bully AND calls himself an evangelical Christian……we had been friends for a long time …. nearly 45 years….until he forced my hand and I just stopped. I kept his secrets a very long time, I listened to him, i humored his bad manners and personality and somehow justified his behavior in my head that he was just damaged and misunderstood…..I had chosen to stick by him until he worked through it.
I have recently realized that he is Trump’s twin!
What scares the hell out of me is the numbers….the numbers of people who continue to worship this malignant tumor leading our country and what continues to concern me is the support he receives from evangelical Christians. Have I been wrong all of these years or being away from the church did I miss the actual moment when this mass of people turned on the road away from the Christian values and their one way leader, Jesus Christ? This has nothing to do with politics and differences of opinion on fiscal matters, abortion, gun control…any of the hot debatable topics we, as Americans, have always debated and has everything to do with who we really are in our hearts and in our souls. What has happened?
My blog…my opinion. I will not entertain any comments from those of you on the Donald Trump side unless those comments include a believable rational for what I call the anti Christian bend of this country. With that being said, I really want to know what is happening so if there is an explanation, please share.
Until next time…..
Or not my first rodeo but today ….. put it in Perspective.
I have had a headache for a little over a month. I’ve been on two rounds of antibiotics, 5 days of prednisone and now on steroidal eye drops. I’m better today….it’s just a vague headache but I’m really out of sorts and it has thrown my entire peaceful agenda into disarray. Okay….it isn’t really the headache….it is my REACTION to not feeling well.
- He’s only a 23 pound 9 month old child who is a charmer who smiles all of the time and has a voracious appetite.. unless he is tired and needs a nap….then his screaming can peel paint from the walls. He’s only a 23 pound baby….it’s just a thing until it isn’t a thing…he’s one of the loves of my life!
- I killed at least 13 flies in the house yesterday and have already killed 5 this morning. They have to be coming in from somewhere. They are only flies…they aren’t snakes or dinosaurs. They are only flies.
- It is September 21st and there is a heat advisory out for this area. Heat and humidity for crying out loud. I can’t stand the humidity. It’s just hot, princess….you can spend your time indoors in the air conditioning.
- Trump is still President and the republicans are trying to take away healthcare and innocent souls are dying because of global warning, okay…..you are on to something there….put it into Perspective….I CAN’T.
Until next time…..
Without any forethought or planning other than marriage, I moved to a smaller town of 15,000, give or take, in the heartland. It was a predominantly white town of blue collar Maytag workers…lots of union workers…my first impression as an outsider…kind of a clique town. I finally landed a well paying job for the county sheriffs office, made a lot of friends, helped organize labor union representation for county workers, volunteered in the community and raised 2 successful daughters. Through most of my life in this small town/county, my only real political problems involved going up against the old white men republicans that sat at the head of the county board of supervisors when we negotiated union contracts and my hatred of these same old white men every winter when my gravel roads became impassable. Rather an idealic life, wouldn’t you say?
Then Maytag up and left the community for Mexico and was later sold to the Whirlpool Company. A state prison was built south of town, crime increased which I will always believe had something to do with the inmate population being in the back yard, we acquired a more significant drug problem, I have no facts or figures on the percentages but I maintain we spent a lot of time, money and energy on a lot of lost souls whom I referred to as dirt bags….unless you have worked as a public service employee……law enforcement, health services….you just don’t know what is out there…..and you really don’t want to know.
Now 40 years later, I have been changed. I look at the plight of these dirt bags differently, I maintain their lifestyle is the result of years of poor, broken families who just gave up on their kids and their kids, etc. I believe they escaped their hardships with drugs and everything else to make themselves feel good in the moment and this cycle of survival began. I understand this lack of compassion and hatefulness pouring out of our conservative D.C. Government….the dregs of society draining our coffers because they are lazy and refuse to work. For the most part I understand it….I don’t agree with it because I have become one of those bleeding heart liberals….. but I understand the mentality.
BUT ISNT HEALTH CARE….LIFE AND DEATH…..A RIGHT WE SHOULD HAVE AS AMERICANS…..AS HUMAN BEINGS ON THIS PLANET….especially in contrast with the billions and billions of dollars available for everything else? Don’t we deserve a right to LIVE above and beyond every other perk in the United States of America?
Until next time….