I can never remember

While tooling around doing whatever it is that I do in a day (one never knows or remembers), I think of things that I have a strong feeling about and think…you know…I think I’m going to write about that tonight….and here I sit dumbfounded.

I will say it has been raining and raining and raining.  I don’t remember April like this when I’m in March..but come the end of April…I always think…damn…why don’t I save myself the angst and just remember it is going to be rainy.

I’m finding myself quite content just to be…do have a few stressors with the job..but more on that later.  I do wish I had a scrapbooking day coming up this week…could use the peace…I’ve become a facebook gamer addict.  I’m almost embarassed to admit I play Pirates, Mafia and Farm Town with a passion…several times a day.  I used to hate computer games…waste of time…you know the drivel…I’m hooked…

I have had a couple of cat issues this week…one I’m going to just let go…lets just say he’s either a brilliant cat or just has a “whatever” attitude.  The other thing is Baxter has found himself a girlfriend – it is the cushy cat bed…I’ve been at a loss for what to do… Kris at the ARL told me tonight that in a neutered male, it is probably just a sign of dominance…someone else said if he was neutered later in life, he’s just reliving his past catting around lifestyle.  I’m just glad he’s not humping my leg the way some dogs do…but I probably shouldn’t speak too soon.

Looking forward to camping in a few weeks with Karen, Debbie, Brett and Christa..also looking forward to a trip to Bennett Spring at the end of the month…I’m looking forward to work on flower beds during my days off this week…if mother nature will cooperate..otherwise…I’m just content to Be…..

Until next time….

Eye openers….

So….I had an eye opener, awha moment the other night with Debbie and Karen.  I always think I am pretty good at looking outside the box, but I find the areas where I feel I’ve had to dig my own path by hand, sometimes I just get caught up…I’m mostly speaking here of my maternal upbringing…and my lack of roll models.  In this case, I’m talking about watching my 91 year old mother (91 – today) live like hitting a rubber golf ball in a small room.  She has no desire to be involved in the outside world and just bounces(wheels) around in her big house all by herself…has no friends; yet thinks the people who deliver her groceries and prescriptions should be listed as her friends.  She has a quick tongue yet denies or excuses her behavior…I believe she is truly afraid to die because she only believes in herself and when it is gone…..what.  I’ve never ever met anyone as pathetically alone as my mother and she would have it no other way…as long as she can pay someone to take care of her and expects her only child to be there at her beck and call…she’s happy.  I have been afraid that is what I”m going to be when I grow old.  Not because I think I will follow her path..just that I don’t know any other way as intimately as I know her way.  With all of that being said…Deb and Karen and I were talking the other night, while scrapbooking, about getting old..I listened to them converse about the possibility of getting a big house and have friends all live there together and take care of each other.  If needed pool resources to hire help…Wow…never occured to me that this was a possibility…now I realize this may not be an awha moment for you…but for me, who has dreaded the aging process and had my blinders on to one way the only way, this brought me JOY….pure joy…there are other ways…I don’t have to be my mother…I have choices…I really have choices…I feel like another veil has been removed and I’m thinking clearer about everything…I’m optimistic..this is not all there is….

Until next time…..

My son-in-law got his race car tonight.  It is a mini-sprint…several tracks in Iowa support this series of racing.  He is a huge race fan whether it be NASCAR or sprint cars…he loves everything about racing..it was passed down from his dad…

This car came from Caly-fornia.  It was delivered about 1/4 mile away from their house – they live on gravel…big semi pulls up and has to unload 2 of the 5 cars and 1 m/c to get the racer out.  Pickup trucks with flashers were stationed at each hill as a warning.  It was quite an event.  I just hope he is safe!!

Which brings me to tonight’s ponderance….why are some of us willing to jump out of airplanes for sport or career, why do some of us have no problem dangling above the world building buildings, climbing towers, cutting limbs off trees, roofing houses, flying to the moon, running into burning buildings, take a gun wilding psycho with hostages down…and some of us are content with a good book on the couch with the golden retriever at our feet in front of the fire…what makes some love adventure and some abhor and fear leaving their town…why do crazy people have normal kids and why do God fearing christians have murderers…what makes one sign up to defend our country while others flee to Canada …are they afraid or are they making a statement.  Who carries a sign during an arbitrary civil issue and who says…ya, whatever…what exactly makes us who we are …. is it nurture or nature…is it tomato or tomotoe

Until next time….

I wonder why so many people have not learned to control their anger…or maybe I should say their anger reaction.  I always stuffed my anger … out of fear I would do something to stir it up with mom and dad…then because my mother didn’t approve of my anger…then because if I got mad my dad got even madder…then I got married…more of the same.  He’s instant anger…my festers…his is over after it blows…watch out because I haven’t even begun to blow.  Reaction to anger…I’ve been dealing with other people’s anger for the better part of 25 years…some people who call 911 are scared, some are sick, some are looney but the majority are pissed about something.  Anger isn’t the biggest problem, though…I think wanting to win is the catalys for not shutting up or not controlling the anger…the louder you are, the more intimidating you are…the meaner you look, the more insecure your sparring partner will be.  If you get mad enough, someone could die…although I believe anger is killing us in so many ways…I especially think repressed anger takes it’s toll…holding it in is not healthy for me; but yelling and screaming may not be healthy for you….

Until next time….

So, I am sitting here at the computer playing Mafia and I realize that all four cats are vying for a look out of the window, so I got up to get the camera…turned around – wooo they are all still there…wait wait wait…I can’t take a picture while Baxter has one foot in the air bathing…wait wait wait….

Billy is getting restlessss.

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Peanut Butter

It’s Friday night/Sat morning at 0212 – the bars have closed and I’m thinking about peanut butter.  I actually think peanut butter is the perfect food…If I could only have one food for the rest of my life or if I were stranded on a desert island with 1 food….or if I lived in a cave…the food I think would sustain me and taste good too is … peanut butter…you could dunk sticks and roots in it to give them flavor so you could have vegetables and roughage…or you could just eat it off of your fingers…yes…peanut butter, the perfect food….

When I got up today, “he” met me in the kitchen and said…you know you think your mother and Frances were plotting…well, she’s home….she’s home….cuss cuss cuss expletive…also…she told Dana (her caretaker) that she wanted Dana to get her information about assisted living…I called Dana to figure out what happened…she said that Helen never mentioned to her that she knew anything about assisted living and that I had already spent a good 3 hours on the phone trying to line something up.  She also said Helen’s bags were packed and Aunt Frances wasn’t doing her normal blubbering about her leaving…Dana hauled everything out and Aunt Frances said come back again some time….isn’t it great…if one of them dies before they see each other again, they will no doubt have the memory of their last time together ending in an obvious fight.  Dana said it was very tense.  But…she wasn’t home 3 hours before she called over to ask me if I would come over and fix her remote because she dropped it on the floor and couldn’t get the tv to work…..WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I went……

Cleaned the pop up out tonight and took pictures…so now all I have to do is get it sold…the work is done.  It was a whole lot of fun putting things in the new camper – like moving into a new house….I’m excited to get her on the road.

Until next time…..

The boss had surgery on his wrist this morning..haven’t heard any updates….

We got the Coleman fold down put up tonight and I started transferring towels and sheets but got too late to do the other stuff…I’m very, very happy with the new camper, but when we put the Coleman up today, I felt sad that we had camped the last time in it.  We have many fun camping memories in it.

Haven’t heard a word from mom or Aunt Frances.  I would expect nothing more from them….in my down time, I have visions of them up there conspiring with each other; yet not making a decision because neither one can remember what the other has said.

That’s all I really have to say tonight…

Until next time….

The stars seem to be more aligned tonight 🙂

My boss had a motorcycle accident tonight.  He had just gotten the bike last weekend and didn’t even have it licensed yet.  He’s going to be fine although he messed up his right wrist and will be having surgery on it in Des Moines..I assume tomorrow…He hit a dog named Lucky on the highway.  Thank goodness he wears a helmet..other than the wrist injury, it seems he may have some road rash…

What I really didn’t want to talk about yesterday was “the” mother….while we were in Ohio with Katy, she couldn’t stand it anymore at Aunt Frances’ house and complained of abdominal,chest, leg and hip pain….she covered nearly all of the basis..she went to the hospital..apparently she was a nasty patient and refused to leave the hospital even though after exhaustive and expensive tests, they determined nothing was wrong with her.  As Jenny calls it, I put the slapdown on her…I told her that she wasn’t coming home and was going to have to go to assisted living.  She gave me a list of professional people that I should call who will tell me how good she is doing.  I called them…they support me 100% saying there is no way she should live alone.  Have no idea what she and Aunt Frances cook up by I pray that it will involve her staying in Des Moines…Judging from past experience, I’m guessing they won’t tell me what the plan is until it is completed and then expect me to do the grunt work and the dirty work to get them set.  It will be at my convenience now…I’m so sick of them both….

The weather was beautiful today…I just wanted to be outside..I took Frannie for a short 10 minute walk and then after dinner, he and I took Frannie and Sierra on another little 10 minute walk.  I am SOOOOOO out of shape it is embarrasing.

Tracy is coming back to Newton.  I am so excited to see her. 

Working tonight…well, barely working but I’m here.  Nice, quiet night…I hope I didn’t just jinx myself.

Until next time…..

It is Wednesday morning…hump day for most…I’m feeling rather disjointed as we speak.  Lots of things going on…none of them in itself worth getting all pent up about…but together…they are leaving me feeling drained, unorganized, fearful of the future…all of those great negative vibes….

We flew out to see Luke and Katy on Friday and flew back into Des Moines on Monday…we had a good time with them…played lots of board games… an Uno game that went on for many hours was the talk of the weekend…none of us had ever been in an UNO game for so long…seemed the problem was that we had gone thru the pickup pile so many times, that somehow we had all accumulated the same colors in our hands…in other words…I was holding nearly all blue – Luke had nearly all yellow etc…about 1:30 am we finally quit and vowed to play the next morning…it was a long game too but “he” pulled out victorious…normally I would have been a little bummed that I didn’t win…but I was so glad to have the game over

Working on wine bottle cozys…gives me a lot of thinkin’ time…

Long week this week…working 7 shifts and then I get to scrapbook!!!!

Until next time….

Okay…I think these wine cozys that I’m making are adorable.  I am kind of worried because they are crocheted and I hope they don’t look like grandma things…but I LOVE THEM…I’ll post a picture when I get a chance.  The one I finished early this morning is a light mint cotton yarn… I think they will be great to put a bottle of wine in and give as a gift…but also, I’m thinking they will be perfect for camping trips or anywhere I have several bottles of wine because it will protect them so they don’t knock against each other.

Facebook…..I’ve been making a lot of connections with people I haven’t seen for a long time…What a wonderful medium for getting to know people or getting to know them all over again…sharing pictures and sharing lives when otherwise we might not be able to do it.  People who don’t do facebook just don’t know what it is all about.  I will have to say Facebook has brought me into computer game playing … I started off trying Pirates after a friend forced me to join because he needed more people on his crew…I played just a bit to see what it was all about and got totally hooked….then I joined Mafia Wars for another friend and didn’t think I would like it…now I’m double hooked…

Tonight is my last night of work…I have 5 off after this.  He and I are flying out of Des Moines Friday morning…it will be nice to see Katy and Luke.  I hope the Ohio weather cooperates…Sarah – Kim’s daughter – is staying at our house with all of the critters…they like her and she likes them so lilfe is good.

I guess that is it for now. . . I need to bury some gold and check my Mafia bank account.

Until next time….