My friend, Terri, posted this on Facebook this morning
The author understood what so many of us are learning….
I look back at my life and realize how exhausted I have been fighting for everything! I really thought that was how to be successful. Never satisfied, I always felt I needed to do better, to be better. Now I know it was fear. Fear that I would never be good enough instead of understanding that I just need to BE everything I AM.
Namaste
I used to joke (ok…not really a joke) that the best way to eat chocolate (like those chocolate stars that used to be available in movie theaters but now may be bought in bulk from a buy-your-stuff-in-bulk-store) was to stuff my mouth full of that melty chocolate until it began to seep out of the corners. I now believe that this theory…while I still believe it to be true…was really just an analogy of the way I lived my life.
Everything was either really good or really bad and I did not have much desire to just float along. I either had to go full throttle to love it/fix it or ruminate. I either really liked someone or something and enveloped my whole being in that comfort or really disliked it/them and then was disappointed when life didn’t play out the way I could accept.
But with age, therapy and embracing spirituality rather than organized religion, I’m realizing that my years of angst had everything to do with my expectations and the stories in my head. Those stories on replay…those stories queued to play my favorite tune when I needed justification for my opinions or behavior. Once I had the “discipline” to stop, drop and roll, I loosened my grip on my need for black and white, hate and love, yes and no.
With every breath we have the ability to change the way we think. We don’t need to breathe in the very same air we just exhaled. We are not preprogrammed to pass or fail depending on what “happened to us” the last time we tried. Changing the way we think changes our life. It’s not how someone reacts to us, it is how we react to our own thinking.
Namaste
It’s a daily habit….I don’t see it as a good habit…but one I don’t anticipate giving up in the near future…Facebook scrolling. One time I seriously analyzed why “I” am addicted to this particular social media more than the others. Oh, I have accounts with several of the others but they seem to be an “if I think about it” or “if I’m particularly bored” place I go. But Facebook…Facebook is my connection to out there. My friends are my beloveds right after my family and my cats (who are literally IN MY FACE) most of the time. I cherish my beloved friends….and for the most part, if we could be and are not (no longer) friends on Facebook there is a reason.
Usually I observe, love, smile or frown, and swipe but every now and then a Facebook meme will get me….yesterday it was this one…I cannot remember one that filled me with so much energy…so much YA! At first I felt it as an OMG what next in 2020…then I felt it as POWER….Here we come and everything is going to be ok!
How we feel about and see anything is our choice. We either follow the herd or wander away. We either get taken in with the noise or we find our peace in the quiet. We either love or we fear. It’s all completely our choice!
namaste
He and I are participating in a Unity Village Chapel sweet experience. As a chapel group, we are reading the same book…”Embracing Uncertainty” by Susan Jeffers. Rev Erin begins our chapter week, weaving the narrative and then we are let loose to discuss our interpretations and experiences throughout the week in small Zoom groups.
This is a Unity experience…Unity keeping us centered during these difficult times, Unity as in the Unity New Thought movement and Unity connecting our hearts and our minds as we embrace our humanity and the unrecognized spiritual gifts inside each one of us. Nothing to obtain, nothing to seek…
In my learning process, I write Haikus and do a cut and paste project as I let my impressions of the book sink in. I have always loved putting words together thus, my intimacy with Haikus but this art thing…creative thing with paper and glue and markers is fun as it allows me to cut and paste while mindlessly or shall I say it allows the other side of my brain to play. Today’s lesson on intuition came together with the author’s three questions to ask my inner wisdom…my intuition.
listen to whispers
In the gap between thoughts
Therein lies guidance
Namaste
My friend Terri was in my head this morning when she posted a picture on FB of a cup of espresso – She captioned the picture “a few extra shots of espresso and new pens….it’s going to be a great Monday”. Oh Terri…I totally get it!
I have a brand new package of 12 multi-color gel pens laying on my desk…I have a partially opened (to grab the purple) package of multi colored gel “glitter” pens in the top desk drawer and I also have an orange zippered canvas pencil holder with my very favorite colored gel pens that I’ve picked up individually just because I can’t resist the color.
I love smooth writing pens…love them…I write a lot…I write haikus, I write notes for haikus – I jot a lot. I take very brief notes at work and often use different color pens to separate notes for different callers. I jot myself don’t forget notes… while on the phone I make stars and color them in, I make faces, I jot down and play with my favorite letters or favorite words. Yesterday I filled out doctors office paperwork with aqua…I hesitated but completed the task in bold, beautiful aqua because that is who I was yesterday!
It’s Monday…be brave…be a beautiful color!
I’ve always been confused because I feel intimidated and embarrassed when I recognize those tears of emotion bubbling up. Its a societal taboo … a very unhealthy teaching learned at an early age..DON’T BE A CRY BABY. I believe that in my situation, I learned not to cry in front of a parent who was not always stable so I would appear strong. I thought I needed to appear fearless.
I read a very helpful opinion from The Tiny Buddha this morning. Here’s the article
It is exactly what I needed to read at the moment. Funny how that happens.
What I am learning so many decades later is when emotions are avoided, the feelings don’t go away but are just saved in a box somewhere in the soul. Each time we avoid feeling the feels, the contents of the box continue to grow until it bursts apart and we feel like we are falling apart. Often the reaction manifests as anger..blowing up…head blowing open…words are said…feelings are hurt…there is guilt..into the guilt box goes that emotion.
What I’m learning is to feel the emotion. When my nose starts to tingle and I feel the liquid love in my eyes, I’m allowing myself to take that moment… I need to take this call of emotion right now. I don’t want it go to voicemail because eventually that box will be full. I will feel overwhelmed which will bring on another emotion that I will stuff in yet another overflowing box.
Just feel when its time to feel. We were delivered with this emotional release…for most of us, it is the very first emotional explosion that followed our entry into this lifetime.
Namaste
Looking outside the box. Think differently, unconventionally or from new perspective.
Drawing from negative space. When drawing, you need to forget the “name” of objects and what you think you “know” about them and simply see them as shapes among groups of interlocking shapes.
My “A Course in Miracles“ Lesson today is there is another way of looking at the world. The idea is to shift your perception of the world in both its outer and inner aspects. Apply this idea the instant you are aware of distress. Close your eyes and think of your life…be aware of your thoughts …. the things that right now…this moment…are causing you stress or anger and repeat THERE IS ANOTHER WAY OF LOOKING AT THE WORLD.
Today’s lesson follows…I am not a victim of the world I see and I have invented the world I see.
It all has to do with our own perspective and the daily choices we make …. in our own heads…of what we see, think and feel!
Namaste
We picked up our taxes this morning….the fact that we both had to be there to pick them up irritated me to no end especially since we have nothing else to do. On the way up to this “other town”, I was able to bring forth all of the angst and non angst of my 46 year “filing tax history” and how much better it always was. The one that really stuck in my craw which made me feel the best to bitch about was the fact that in years past, our attorney would do our taxes, file our taxes, mail the paper copies to us and I would send him a check. It really felt so good to be justified in my anger.
We also discussed the fact that a brand new convenience store is going in at an intersection near us. He mentioned how it will be difficult to get in and out of this convenience store because of the amount of traffic on the highway. We did feel a little better when we realized that there was a stop light at one of the egress routes but we have heard people bitching that you have to sit at that light for 10 minutes. Which we haven’t experienced but it sure felt good to feel justified in our beliefs.
Then there’s last year. The Missouri D0T had to close the main highway between us and civilization aka Lee’s Summit for a month so they could dig it up, regrade and resurface. This meant, for me, I had to go one of several different routes to get to those frequent destinations. This month long inconvenience nearly ruined my life.
…and then I realized how low my vibrations were this morning. Living in the past, talking about all of these insignificant events like they were happening now was a symptom of choosing irritation and hatred over calm and gratitude. It was not until I honed in on my thought process and how I was feeling that I realized how long I had just spent feeling angry and feeling like a victim. I will not let this seep into anymore of my day. So…a minute of deep breathing and positive, grateful affirmation.
Namaste
T
When I write blogs, I love to get into that place where the words just have a life of their own. When I write, thoughts and words just merge into their own lanes so when I go back to read it for typos….I’m even surprised. Like today’s title….to save my life. I thought WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Oh ya…from my mother in the 1960’s!
I am embarrassed to think about how much time I have spent binge watching TV in the last few years. The old TV show, Closer, which rolled right into Major Crimes when Brenda aka Kyra Sedgwick left the show was the biggie. He and I watched episodes back to back for months. I thought about the show when I wasn’t watching it..I was consumed. Reruns of Boston Legal was before that. Let’s just say I have a binge history and I’m just not comfortable spilling the details of my varied, crazy, ridiculous addictions *cough Dog The Bounty Hunter.
Now, in the midst of sheltering at home due to the pandemic, I can find NOTHING that grabs my interest on TV. In the back of my mind I want something to sink my teeth into…instead I’ve been spending time online reading articles, I’m reading books, I’m zooming with Unity groups, I’m keeping up with Family with a daily continuous message thread and FaceTime. I’m walking everyday and I’m sleeping like a baby!
I’ve given some lip service about how I think this pandemic could change me, society, the world. Cleaning us up ecologically, forcing us to embrace the “quieting”. We can read, do projects, express ourselves in our hobbies, get out into nature and actually see, feel and hear it. Listen to ourselves in the solitude without the life distractions. When negative thoughts enter, I’m working to stop them when they darken doorway. I am what I think. Negative thoughts will run right into each other in the hallway of fear and panic. Catch them…stop them…I started saying STOP outloud, then I can focus on what is happening right here right now. Ive found it is just as possible to develop positive habits of thinking as it was negative habits of thinking!
Namaste
I woke up around 5 this morning, chatted with a bestie on line, tried to read a book which I’m not finding fascinating but I feel it does enhance my language skills since I’m not talking very much. There are a few big words in it which I hope I would pronounce correctly due to the fact reading written words is much different than wrapping your tongue around them. I knew the book could not satisfy me like a good sunrise on a clear day….and then I thought…I can be at the grocery store when it opens at 7 and avoid all of the angst of people.
It was freeking depressing. There were a few cars in the lot and every person in there other than cashiers were my age and older….and everyone looking like they did exactly what I did. Grabbed clothes hanging on the end of the bed and off to the store. Depressing…because I could feel it and see it in their faces. It was a totally different experience than a trip to the store during the heart of the day or after 5 pm.
There were no smiles, no nodding of the head. They slowed down on approach and actually stopped. I considered turning my cart around and going the other way so they would be more comfortable…but I realized this would not work looking at the big picture.
I tried to avoid everyone the best I could. I kept a smile on my face, love in my eyes and blessed everyone in the confines of my life in that moment. With the frequently blasted death sentence of the corona virus, older folks are genuinely scared and we need to respect that and love them with everything we have.
Namaste
Ninasusan 