Ice and snow

A couple weeks ago, a friend of mine announced that he was taking off for Florida for a few weeks. I had 3 thoughts.

  • He is an integral part of a spirit book class I attend on Thursdays and I thought…bummer.
  • Wow that sounds really fun….this will be the second winter that thoughts of escaping the cold will be foiled because of things happening in my life. O’ POOR ME
  • Why would he want to go in January…why not wait until February…February always sucks!

Today as I sit here watching the snow fall over already ice covered streets I had an “ah ha” moment.

My threefold thought process didn’t occur because of Randy’s trip to Florida in January. It occurred because it triggered me to past life disappointments that were very real, emotions were attached to these disappointments and in all likelihood I had wallowed in them.

  • I will miss his input in group was a genuine feeling.
  • These “things” holding me back from taking off for a week are all in my mind and are only based in fear aka I shouldn’t, I couldn’t, what would, what if.
    He should go in February is nothing but my ego jumping in saying that Randy is wrong and I am right….plain and simple….February is the month to escape…my rules
  • So today on Randy’s birthday that he is spending walking barefoot on a beach in Florida, I’m watching the snow fall, I have an opportunity to spend a day with myself reading, crafting, crocheting and realizing right here, right now that I am content and I am thankful because I am loved and I am blessed!
  • Until next time….
  • This morning

    Preparing for Christmas Eve brunch.

    • Throwing the ingredients for monkey bread into the greased angel food cake pan, I reflected on how many times I have cringed while greasing the cake pan all the while wondering why you aren’t suppose to grease an angel food cake pan.
    • Wondered if my mother somehow knew I greased angel food cake pans which drifted into remembering my mother and Aunt Frances cooking every holiday meal together and even after 80+ years still arguing about it.
    • I had coffee with my dad (where ever he is) in his red and black Christmas flannel shirt and I repledged my undying love for him. My best qualities…the ones I don’t take credit for, I got from my dad.
    • Realized the Christmas cry was going to happen at some point today.
    • Made “company potatos” from a beloveds recipe and I hope she knows I miss her so much today!
    • Wondered if the girls and their families have the slightest idea how much I love and cherish them.
    • Turned on the cold water in the sink to rinse a dish and wondered if I just scalded “him” in the shower, felt bad, then snickered because he’s probably cursing.
    • Realized I am feeling so much gratitude for the love around me.
    • Commencing Christmas Cry.
  • Merry Christmas!