I spent a lot of time this morning working through some friendship issues…..TOO DRAMATIC. I used my time this morning centering myself and releasing my attachments to outcomes and reining in my ego. My ego thought it was going to be a great day because I was loaded for bear and I felt very satisfied in my indignation and my anger. My small self was able to go along with my tirade all the while feeling justified and right…it did feel good but only because I have a long history of feeling justified in my fluent vocabulary and my rage. When “it” is what I know, it just feels right.
Before the exhaust completely dissipated, I was able to sneak a peak at Twitter. Just for the record, my sneaky peak is only sneaky in my own volume of personal rules. I was once again feeling understood because again I find that most of my Twitter feed agrees with me…(follow/unfollow is an excellent way to always be assured I am right)!
I give myself (my ego) some space and kindness because I’m still a student learning about living in this moment and seeing everyone as a beloved with different perspectives due to their experiences along their journey. 2020 has been a great teacher and the election has allowed me to feel some relief, some hope for the future while allowing me to understand these last four years were needed for me (us) to realize how low we could go.
Like everyone else, I vote for the person(s) I think will most certainly govern with the best interest of the schools, city, county, state, United States…usually it all works OK even if I am not in agreement with particular decisions. My thought has always been what damage can REALLY be done in two years, four years.
Now that we are nearly through 2020, which in hindsight seems we should have had more vision, but now that some (not all) of us have survived the year and the Trump administration/regime, I sum it all up by saying…I haven’t really changed my political opinions….but I have been changed…we haven’t just gone through a political process…. we have experienced Crimes Against Humanity. We must heal what brought us to the huge divide…and turn within to love and protect each other.
I went down the dictionary rabbit hole this morning while I was trying to attach a label to a behavior I don’t particularly appreciate in myself. Curmudgeon was the word in my head and defined as…bad tempered and old…and what’s more, the female version is HAG! I don’t really think the shoe fits but..whatever!
I lived nearly all of my adult life in a rural area…on a gravel road in the country among the trees and the deer and rabbits. I grew up a city girl in a neighborhood with all of the utility and community advantages but with only a modicum of privacy. It took me a long while to appreciate the peace and silence living the timber life. Which morphed back to I can’t live another moment in this loneliness and inconvenience once the last daughter left home and I neared retirement.
So…the day we retired…we moved 4 hours away to a small town in another state to a neighborhood…to living amongst people…..and with this came a huge inconvenience.
I thought I was going to lose my mind in the last few months from raps on the door from political candidates, tree trimmers, roofers and now Medicare supplement insurance agents. After a particularly profane cerebral meltdown after two solicitors within 30 minutes, I bought “the sign”.
It’s not lost on me that many of these folks are just hoofing it for business…just trying to make a living…doing what it takes to survive…but it’s also a waste of their time to knock on my door because the answer will always be the same. NO! You don’t need to find me, I will find you….
Watching the Biden/Harris acceptance speeches from Wilmington, Delaware tonight, I felt peace! I felt a sense of safety and Unity! I am emotional thinking about what is possible for my grandchildren and especially my granddaughter now that Kamala Harris not only broke through the glass ceiling but demolished it.
I also know that RBG, John Lewis, John McCane and Elijah Cummings were there celebrating with us. Their energy, their love for America, their goodness was there with us in each tear, in each breath.
It’s a daily habit….I don’t see it as a good habit…but one I don’t anticipate giving up in the near future…Facebook scrolling. One time I seriously analyzed why “I” am addicted to this particular social media more than the others. Oh, I have accounts with several of the others but they seem to be an “if I think about it” or “if I’m particularly bored” place I go. But Facebook…Facebook is my connection to out there. My friends are my beloveds right after my family and my cats (who are literally IN MY FACE) most of the time. I cherish my beloved friends….and for the most part, if we could be and are not (no longer) friends on Facebook there is a reason.
Usually I observe, love, smile or frown, and swipe but every now and then a Facebook meme will get me….yesterday it was this one…I cannot remember one that filled me with so much energy…so much YA! At first I felt it as an OMG what next in 2020…then I felt it as POWER….Here we come and everything is going to be ok!
How we feel about and see anything is our choice. We either follow the herd or wander away. We either get taken in with the noise or we find our peace in the quiet. We either love or we fear. It’s all completely our choice!
I’m learning to opt out of participating in human drama whether it be in my own head or participating with all of my senses with everyone else here on earth. This has actually brought me some peace of mind during the pandemic as I have removed myself from politics. I read the headlines in order keep up on what is going on in the country? What I am finding is when I actually “click” on the occasional news story nothing has changed from the last time I clicked. There is only fear-generating expressions of opinions!
Each fall, members of Unity Village Chapel read the same book….individually, then many of us join together in small groups to discuss the book. This one, Embracing Uncertainty Chapter 3, had me overwhelmed with insight. Thus the cut and paste project I worked on last night. It was a very effective way to concentrate on energetic phrases from the chapter to cement them on my heart and in my soul.
“Expectations create attachments…a hope something turns out a certain way”
Often we are unable to let go of our expectation….
“Expectations carry disappointments rigidity, anger, impatience and obsession”
“The moment expectations appear in the form of hope, desire or a wish, close your eyes, take out the imaginary scissors to cut the cord of expectation. Release it like a balloon drifting away from you.”
My daughter sent THIS ARTICLE to me this morning. The author, Julio Vincent Gambuto, put into words what I’ve been feeling since I CHOSE to Shelter at home prior to the order being handed down from the Governor: “What has happened is inexplicably incredible. It’s the greatest gift ever unwrapped. Not the deaths, not the virus, but The GREAT PAUSE”.
There is no doubt the extreme anxiety experienced across the globe will change our lives…there will be a new normal. There is no doubt people are experiencing many different emotions from distrust of our government and each other to the deep sorrow experienced by loss of health and loss of life. Each one of us will have our own “story” to tell when this is over. I am confident everyone will not write the same narrative of events we are collectively experiencing.
I feel like a deep breath is needed. A deep breath of acceptance because there really is nothing we can do about this individually. And perhaps that is the lesson to be learned here. This is everyone…this is the population of the globe. This is different that anything I have experienced in my lifetime. Is it appropriate to say..we need this. As a society, as a country, as a world, we were living one disaster after another. We are cliques of people hating other cliques of people. We are destroying the earth one plastic milk carton at a time while having no reverence for our lands, our trees and our wildlife.
This is a huge pause. It will make a difference. We will make a difference together once we understand the rules of the game.
I’ve been watching, ahem, muting and fast forwarding TV political ads with skill and ease for the last few weeks…but even with my dedication to avoid the paid political BS, a guy named Jason Kander has slipped through a few times. He was running for Mayor of Kansas City and has a sweet little bio.
I was shocked to find out, while watching the news last night, that he is withdrawing from his mayoral campaign because of depression and PTSD….before he goes another step further in life, he’s going to do some therapy and work through his demons. I was very surprised because judging from his public and on air personna he’s a walking, talking, laughing, smiling, articulate man who realized the world was his oyster kinda guy.
NOPE! They are walking among us…and you can’t tell by looking, you can’t tell by listening….you can’t tell!
Be kind…you have no idea what your friends, your family, the people you pass just doing the daily life stuff are really enduring and feeling.
Minnesota is a large state. While sitting in an AmericInn lobby this morning drinking my coffee and eating an English muffin, I found out that while Minnesota is large by area it only ranks 12th out off 50….and the state cannot brag about water area either (see last column in screen shot). so that land of lakes is probably notable for the amount of lakes within its boarders not the actual area or volume for that matter.
The AmericInn runs Fox News on their lobby TV 24/7. While I’m not sure right now if this is staff or Corp policy. It does make a difference to me….and while they have every right to have their TV turned to any channel they support…this has an impact on me and my choices where I spend my money when I require lodging.
Saw this in a bookstore.
Wish I had written it. Would like to spend more time on the North Shore to perhaps collect facts in order to write a book about it….or at least spend a lot of time at the North Shore collecting facts and then make a decision.
Today is our 39th anniversary! In order to stay married this long, you have to embrace the fact that marriage can be damn hard and overcoming the bad times is what makes it work for 39 years! I received a piece of advice early on…most successful marriages work because of the commitment portion..commitment is what makes you work through the tough times because inevitably you don’t like each other 100 percent of the time and the trick is to not dislike each other at the same time. Happy Anniversary to Him!
Arrogant, blatantly racist, boldly narcissistic, conspiracy theorist, cruel, mean and a bully AND calls himself an evangelical Christian……we had been friends for a long time …. nearly 45 years….until he forced my hand and I just stopped. I kept his secrets a very long time, I listened to him, i humored his bad manners and personality and somehow justified his behavior in my head that he was just damaged and misunderstood…..I had chosen to stick by him until he worked through it.
I have recently realized that he is Trump’s twin!
What scares the hell out of me is the numbers….the numbers of people who continue to worship this malignant tumor leading our country and what continues to concern me is the support he receives from evangelical Christians. Have I been wrong all of these years or being away from the church did I miss the actual moment when this mass of people turned on the road away from the Christian values and their one way leader, Jesus Christ? This has nothing to do with politics and differences of opinion on fiscal matters, abortion, gun control…any of the hot debatable topics we, as Americans, have always debated and has everything to do with who we really are in our hearts and in our souls. What has happened?
My blog…my opinion. I will not entertain any comments from those of you on the Donald Trump side unless those comments include a believable rational for what I call the anti Christian bend of this country. With that being said, I really want to know what is happening so if there is an explanation, please share.
Without any forethought or planning other than marriage, I moved to a smaller town of 15,000, give or take, in the heartland. It was a predominantly white town of blue collar Maytag workers…lots of union workers…my first impression as an outsider…kind of a clique town. I finally landed a well paying job for the county sheriffs office, made a lot of friends, helped organize labor union representation for county workers, volunteered in the community and raised 2 successful daughters. Through most of my life in this small town/county, my only real political problems involved going up against the old white men republicans that sat at the head of the county board of supervisors when we negotiated union contracts and my hatred of these same old white men every winter when my gravel roads became impassable. Rather an idealic life, wouldn’t you say?
Then Maytag up and left the community for Mexico and was later sold to the Whirlpool Company. A state prison was built south of town, crime increased which I will always believe had something to do with the inmate population being in the back yard, we acquired a more significant drug problem, I have no facts or figures on the percentages but I maintain we spent a lot of time, money and energy on a lot of lost souls whom I referred to as dirt bags….unless you have worked as a public service employee……law enforcement, health services….you just don’t know what is out there…..and you really don’t want to know.
Now 40 years later, I have been changed. I look at the plight of these dirt bags differently, I maintain their lifestyle is the result of years of poor, broken families who just gave up on their kids and their kids, etc. I believe they escaped their hardships with drugs and everything else to make themselves feel good in the moment and this cycle of survival began. I understand this lack of compassion and hatefulness pouring out of our conservative D.C. Government….the dregs of society draining our coffers because they are lazy and refuse to work. For the most part I understand it….I don’t agree with it because I have become one of those bleeding heart liberals….. but I understand the mentality.
BUT ISNT HEALTH CARE….LIFE AND DEATH…..A RIGHT WE SHOULD HAVE AS AMERICANS…..AS HUMAN BEINGS ON THIS PLANET….especially in contrast with the billions and billions of dollars available for everything else? Don’t we deserve a right to LIVE above and beyond every other perk in the United States of America?