I didn’t really appreciate being out of the house as much as I expected I would. My first stop was the Pleasant Hill Post Office to drop off a package and do my civic duty buying stamps. It was VERY pleasant. The post office clerk seemed like an old soul. She told me about how her daughter and a friend who also lives in Pleasant Hill have taken to writing letters to each other on old stationery. She was delighted that she was able to share this gift of letter writing that was handed down from her mother and now to her daughter. The story made my heart happy!
*slather hands, debit card, key, car door handle, steeering wheel with hand sanitizer.
The less pleasant stop occurred at the local hardware store where I spotted the beginning of an outdoor plant sale which was nearly empty of customers. There were 6 of us. 3 unmasked under the age of 50 and 3 masked actors all over age 60. The masked players were considerate and polite. I was sorry I had my mask on while waiting in the checkout lane. The under 50 male ahead of me in line said with a sneer to the older man ahead of him (loud enough for all of us to hear) that it was starting to look like the Jesse James gang around here I hope you all don’t go to the bank…oh wait…the lobby is closed. I really wanted to remove my mask, step closer to him and cough my head off then apologize because I had forgotten my mask and repeat under my breath several times that I hoped he would be okay.
As I waited, I realized that scenario in my head was only hurting me. It was only making me angry. The scenario playing out in my head was rooted in anger than someone was making fun of me (us) and MY truth that I find bully behavior and disrespect as an undesirable human trait.
So I blessed his humanity. Took a deep breath of gratefulness that I can recognize others are on a different journey than I am and focused on the beauty of my flowers….and the love I have in my life and holding this hatefulness to a stranger with bad manners really had nothing to do with me.
I woke up around 5 this morning, chatted with a bestie on line, tried to read a book which I’m not finding fascinating but I feel it does enhance my language skills since I’m not talking very much. There are a few big words in it which I hope I would pronounce correctly due to the fact reading written words is much different than wrapping your tongue around them. I knew the book could not satisfy me like a good sunrise on a clear day….and then I thought…I can be at the grocery store when it opens at 7 and avoid all of the angst of people.
It was freeking depressing. There were a few cars in the lot and every person in there other than cashiers were my age and older….and everyone looking like they did exactly what I did. Grabbed clothes hanging on the end of the bed and off to the store. Depressing…because I could feel it and see it in their faces. It was a totally different experience than a trip to the store during the heart of the day or after 5 pm.
There were no smiles, no nodding of the head. They slowed down on approach and actually stopped. I considered turning my cart around and going the other way so they would be more comfortable…but I realized this would not work looking at the big picture.
I tried to avoid everyone the best I could. I kept a smile on my face, love in my eyes and blessed everyone in the confines of my life in that moment. With the frequently blasted death sentence of the corona virus, older folks are genuinely scared and we need to respect that and love them with everything we have.
Aunt Frances is totally on my mind..in fact, thinking about blogging, I’ve been kind of focused on her so can’t even think of anything else to talk about. He and I went to visit her at the hospital tonight. She has obviously had a stroke…she didn’t act like she recognized either of us. maybe Him. She held his hand the entire time we were there and attempted to look at him but her eyes kept going sideways and upward. The nurse said they thought she was possibly going to have another stroke…they haven’t been able to find the blockage with an MRI but the damage is obvious. We went to Aunt Frances’ apt before we went to the hospital because her busy body neighbor said I needed to sign some checks. While I was there she mentioned several times how mad Aunt Frances was because I put mom in hospice…hinted that she was changing her will…after a discussion about where Aunt Frances would be going, I said I thought a hospice house would be much better than hospice in a nursing home…busybodybitch said…Well your aunt wouldn’t want to hear that after you sent your mother there. In an email to family when I got home, I said…my mother was upset with me because I didn’t tell her that my dad was going to die. My Aunt thinks I killed my mother because she thinks I had something to do with her going to hospice..it was the doctor and she agreed…and Aunt Frances is so upset with me that she refused to let the doctor or hospital call to let me know she was in there for 3 weeks…I’m her next of kin. I’m all she has…now this nosy neighbor who lives next door has the audacity to repeat stories to my face about how my aunt does nothing but whine about what a bad niece I am. I am pretty positive she and I are going to tangle before this is over and I have no doubt who will win. She certainly monitored my activities while at Aunt Frances’ apartment..I almost felt like she was in charge and I had better wipe my shoes before I entered or I would be in trouble. I’m sick to death of the excuse that they are old and I should take that into consideration. My mother and my aunt have always had something missing in their personalities…getting old just made it worse…I’m sick to death of the excuses for bad behavior. If I weren’t so angry, perhaps I would be devastated…these are horrible charges to lay on anyone…especially the adult child everyone is supposed to love….hmmmm