For those of us who are open to and studying New Thought, I’m often taken back when I realize that what I “think” I draw to me. I have been experiencing fear pretty often in the last few years. I would explain this fear as being very content to stay at home…in my own little nest…do what I want to do which has a varying range from nothing to being “busy”. I used to love to travel and retirement meant taking off “whenever” and “wherever”. 6 years ago I looked forward to weekend trips perhaps taking a month and traveling across the US, a trip to England and beyond. I just haven’t been able to do it.
It is quite possible that a trip we took to Belize in 2015 began this segment of fear driven life. The Belize trip was not your typical island breeze all inclusive vacation. We chose to rent a car and see the back roads of Belize. During that trip, those backroads scared me to death. We had found the area which contained the block building named the hospital which was across the gravel parking lot of the block building named The Morgue. A couple days later I became very ill but could not see myself seeking medical treatment here. My only viable option was a 45 minute trip up the “road” into Mexico. This was not an option I was going to take. From airport to ER when we touched down in Kansas City uncovered the shocking news that I had an intestinal abscess and by the way we also found a tumor which we believe to be cancer.
Unintentionally, I believe it is this news that changed me…..I just no longer trusted that I was safe. Recently, during story telling among friends, I recognized that the ongoing theme that surfaced was I had been reasonable free and fearless in my adventures. I’ve been building on this recognition recently by stopping myself when I think…no…that’s ok, I don’t want to do that and changing that thought to ……what happened to fearless Nina?
We live so often in our heads with stories of our pasts that ignite our fears rather than living for right now and celebrating life experiences. We only have right now…someday we will watch the finale of our life and I want to feel the gratitude of living a full and fearless life.
Until next time…..