Whatever happened to fearless Nina

For those of us who are open to and studying New Thought, I’m often taken back when I realize that what I “think” I draw to me. I have been experiencing fear pretty often in the last few years. I would explain this fear as being very content to stay at home…in my own little nest…do what I want to do which has a varying range from nothing to being “busy”. I used to love to travel and retirement meant taking off “whenever” and “wherever”. 6 years ago I looked forward to weekend trips perhaps taking a month and traveling across the US, a trip to England and beyond. I just haven’t been able to do it.

It is quite possible that a trip we took to Belize in 2015 began this segment of fear driven life. The Belize trip was not your typical island breeze all inclusive vacation. We chose to rent a car and see the back roads of Belize. During that trip, those backroads scared me to death. We had found the area which contained the block building named the hospital which was across the gravel parking lot of the block building named The Morgue. A couple days later I became very ill but could not see myself seeking medical treatment here. My only viable option was a 45 minute trip up the “road” into Mexico. This was not an option I was going to take. From airport to ER when we touched down in Kansas City uncovered the shocking news that I had an intestinal abscess and by the way we also found a tumor which we believe to be cancer.

Unintentionally, I believe it is this news that changed me…..I just no longer trusted that I was safe. Recently, during story telling among friends, I recognized that the ongoing theme that surfaced was I had been reasonable free and fearless in my adventures. I’ve been building on this recognition recently by stopping myself when I think…no…that’s ok, I don’t want to do that and changing that thought to ……what happened to fearless Nina?

We live so often in our heads with stories of our pasts that ignite our fears rather than living for right now and celebrating life experiences. We only have right now…someday we will watch the finale of our life and I want to feel the gratitude of living a full and fearless life.

Until next time…..


I have “never discussed” what used to be a “never discussed” subject as much as I have in the last 3 months.


When I was diagnosed with diverticulitis, the doctor told me that the way to avoid this in the future is to not get constipated.


I must say I can count on one hand the times I have been constipated in my life.  My poop seemed to be the most important thing on everyone’s mind.  Like wack-a-mole bouncing in and out of the room with one question.  Have you pooped?

After the diverticulitis healed, I went back to my fiber infused diet.


I don’t like the word poop and, for the most part, thought it was just used by children or talking to children to distinguish between number 1 and number 2  Although my mother didn’t use the number designation nor explain it to me so I never REALLY knew what everyone was talking about.  My mother used  the word bowel movement or BM   *shiver…while more anatomically correct, I still cringe when I hear those words!  Through my life, I have occasionally thrown out the “shit” word as an expletive so you would think I would be okay with it, but I would find it offense if the doctor in his pristine white jacket adorned with his embroidered name would walk in and say, Have you shit?

Prior to kidney surgery, I was required to clean my colon.  YES! I must say that walking around with a pristine colon is something that I wouldn’t mind sharing with others.  But I couldn’t figure out how to bring it up.  I vote that that our colon health is more important than appendage length, manscaping or female breast size or shape but as a society, we roll those topics off our tongue ad nauseum.

After kidney surgery, every time a doctor or nurse walked into the room the conversation began with those 3 words “have you pooped”.  I later learned that these folks aren’t so concerned about whether I have pooped or not but really just want to know if I have passed gas.  Why don’t you just ask?

Yesterday at the week followup the doctor’s first question to me in front of him was, “Have you pooped”.  Heretofore, he had no idea that I even participated in that crap.

Enter Doc-Q-Lace, the medication used to soften the whole process so as to avoid pain while the insides are healing.  I looked this morning and it really works…kind of a soft, petal like event.


I actually started this post because I went to the internet to look up words to be used instead of poop.  Ya…don’t do that…I’m totally screwed up now.

Until next time…

The breakfast of champions….


I have shared a couple of these blogs on my page recently.  Actually I can’t remember now how I found her wordpress page…she has a wonderful take on dementia and alzheimers and should be a regular read for anyone who is living with someone with the disease.  I have a 6 degrees of separation with the author although I didn’t know it when I started following her.  I worked with her father-in-law for many, many years – he is a Lt with the Newton, Iowa Police Department and I was his dispatcher and loved to tell him where to go on a daily basis.  I love these small world events!


Here’s my breakfast.  He made me the juice this morning with Kale, spinach, cabbage, carrot and apple.  It is actually quite tasty and I find the more good green food I eat, the better it tastes.  Next to my juice is my 1000mg Turmeric from Dr Piva, my chiropractor and acupuncturist, my starbucks from my keurig and my great protein two handful almond breakfast.

I sometimes wonder if the universe brings the people with cancer diagnosis together.  I recently learned a friend of mine now has a cancer diagnosis.  We have been messaging each other with the details of our individual cancer fights…and our disbelief that this could happen to us.  She is a fighter and these little connections with like minded friends really helps keep the attitude positive and like a 3 mile walk – keeps me energized.

It’s a beautiful sunny day today!

Until next time…..

I have a girlfriend who has been battling cancer for several years…

Tracy has always been very open with details of her cancer, her procedures, how she is trying to prepare her body for those procedures and staying strong and living life.  I’ve soaked in her details and thought that her writing about her life was probably as cathartic for her as it was for us, her friends, who thought about her struggle day and night.  The one thing I always wondered is…when you have this CANCER growing in you and you know it is there…how do you not think about it all of the time…how do you just accept that it is there and continue to put one foot in front of the other and be viable?

I now have kidney cancer that I wake up with everyday and go to sleep with everynight.  It is there!

What I think this has done for me has thickened my resolve and pissed me off….and I’ve never been one who just sits around and takes it when I’m pissed off!  Let me add here that my kidney cancer is probably all contained in my kidney and the doctor is pretty sure that they will snip it out and the cancer will be gone.  There is not Chemo or radiation that I”m aware of to treat kidney cancer.  More than one person has said to me that if I’m going to get cancer…this is the one to get.  It has also been suggested that having diverticulitis probably has saved my life – with the finding of the cancer early before it broke out of it’s lining.  So far…I think I’m lucky!

What I’ve become militant about it is what is going in my mouth.  I’ve eaten healthy for the last year – sans Thanksgiving, Christmas and vacation.  There is a difference in wanting to eat healthy because I”m almost 60 and don’t want to die early and wanting to eat healthy because I’m almost 60, have cancer, and don’t want to die early.  It’s all called perspective….

One of the things I’ve read about kidney cancer is there is really no known cause…but smoking cigarettes and being overweight may have a cause and effect.  CHECK!  Guilty of both…so I”m really not a victim unless I don’t change things…then I just have a death wish.

Until next time….