Whatever happened to fearless Nina

For those of us who are open to and studying New Thought, I’m often taken back when I realize that what I “think” I draw to me. I have been experiencing fear pretty often in the last few years. I would explain this fear as being very content to stay at home…in my own little nest…do what I want to do which has a varying range from nothing to being “busy”. I used to love to travel and retirement meant taking off “whenever” and “wherever”. 6 years ago I looked forward to weekend trips perhaps taking a month and traveling across the US, a trip to England and beyond. I just haven’t been able to do it.

It is quite possible that a trip we took to Belize in 2015 began this segment of fear driven life. The Belize trip was not your typical island breeze all inclusive vacation. We chose to rent a car and see the back roads of Belize. During that trip, those backroads scared me to death. We had found the area which contained the block building named the hospital which was across the gravel parking lot of the block building named The Morgue. A couple days later I became very ill but could not see myself seeking medical treatment here. My only viable option was a 45 minute trip up the “road” into Mexico. This was not an option I was going to take. From airport to ER when we touched down in Kansas City uncovered the shocking news that I had an intestinal abscess and by the way we also found a tumor which we believe to be cancer.

Unintentionally, I believe it is this news that changed me…..I just no longer trusted that I was safe. Recently, during story telling among friends, I recognized that the ongoing theme that surfaced was I had been reasonable free and fearless in my adventures. I’ve been building on this recognition recently by stopping myself when I think…no…that’s ok, I don’t want to do that and changing that thought to ……what happened to fearless Nina?

We live so often in our heads with stories of our pasts that ignite our fears rather than living for right now and celebrating life experiences. We only have right now…someday we will watch the finale of our life and I want to feel the gratitude of living a full and fearless life.

Until next time…..

Random Belize…..

We stayed at the Radisson St George Hotel the first night.  It was cautioned that the neighborhood was not a safe place to be at night – especially for tourists who have a tendency to wander because they just want to know where “this” road goes.

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I took a picture of these steps in the hotel because they felt good.  I liked the way they looked, I liked the way they felt – they were comfortable.

Before we headed off to Corozal, we took a foot tour of Belize City near the water in the downtown area.  I can’t say that I didn’t feel safe but I just didn’t trust anyone who tried to get my attention.  Anything can be had for a price.

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This was in the center of town…every city loses someone(s) in the war.

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Roads between Belize City and Corozol were quite bumpy…no shoulders … lots of blemishes and lots of Pedestrian crossings which are not marked well and can be anything from a crude little bump in the middle of the street to a well formed piece of asphalt.  The Nissan Pathfinder we rented had very bad shocks which was totally understandable due to the rough roads.  The two hour drive in the car was not pleasant!

I see Belize as a very poor country.  As usual, we didn’t hit the tourist spots, we wanted to see the inside and outside of the country.  I can only speak to the areas we were in but it is not a place where expats can move to and expect their way of life to continue. Traveling north from Corozol about 7 miles is the crossover into Mexico which the entry city is touted as the shopping mecca with a Walmart and cheaper gas.  We didn’t cross the border.

Snapped a couple of pictures of the larger houses in Corozol downtown area.

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elaborate fencing was everywhere.

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We stayed at the Sea Breeze Hotel…budget hotel.  Cheap and clean was all I could ask for…and it was for the  most part.  Most nights we ate around the corner at the Copper Horse Inn.  The Canadian who ran the Copper Horse Inn provided great meals and great sass!

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The Belize City airport is very nice.  This isn’t the first time we have visited a country where you boarded from the Tarmac…but it’s a totally different feeling than what we are accustomed to in the states.

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I know that most of my trip was seen thru diverticulitis eyes….the unknown and lack of amenities I’m accustomed to certainly took away from the joy of my visit.  IF I were to go back, I would definitely do the tourist stuff and forego my curiosity of the Belizian culture…but I probably won’t go back.  Too many other places waiting to be explored.

Until next time….

Oh! and by the way…you have kidney cancer…

I’ve been a lot of places since the plane arrived in Kansas City last Monday night.  All of them have been confined within a 15 mile area between our home and St Lukes Hospital in Lee’s Summit.  Many are morphine drenched dreams but most are just trying to figure out how in the hell this happened to me.

The trip to Belize.  Not great/not horrible/won’t go back!

During lunch Saturday, I started getting this twinge in my stomach – within an hour, I told him that I needed keys to the room that I wasn’t feeling good.  I made it down the steps and approximately 6 steps to our car when I yelled that I needed him to drive me to the room.  I knew I was circling the drain fast and really had no other option than to buckle down – call from my strength within and tolerate the searing pain until we could get back to the states.  The hospital was not even an option especially after I read about the Corozal hospital on-line

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So that is what I did.  I slept – I could make it on very short little walks – airplanes, airports and thankfully wheels down KC.  After the CT scan at St Luke’s Hospital, I was told it was two abscesses/diverticulitis  which were causing the knife like pains….oh, Mrs. Brown, what we also found on the CT scan was an 8cm tumor on your left kidney which has a 90% chance is cancer.  da dada daaaa!

Prognosis is good – several docs have looked at the scan and a later one of my chest and believe that the cancer is contained in the left kidney.  They will take it out and as the urologist said – I should be able to live a long and normal life.

That’s it for now.  As many times as this revisits my head in a day, I’ll be back to talk about it all later.

Until next time….

Belize

No TSA issues…I love Kansas City International.  No plane issues.  Close on our connecting flight at Bush International in Houston.  

I took this picture of Dave and Gena on the train that connects the terminals…not paying attention…shock..I nearly flew across the train because I wasn’t holding on when the train started moving.  He grabbed my purse strap just in the nick of time and saved me a lot of embarrassment.



as soon as the plane landed in Belize City, they opened both the front and back doors and we felt instant heat and humidity…we deplaned on the Tarmac and I felt an urge to start complaining about the heat…okay…I did.  We boarded at 11 degrees and landed at 90.  crazy!

The actual city of Belize City is not worth writing home about.  It’s not good.  We have a room in the St George Radisson away from downtown…very nice…it’s where the queen used to stay when she visited her kingdoms when it was British Honduras.



The moon was coming up while we ate dinner…this picture does nothing to show how really beautiful it was.



I snapped these pictures from the balcony on our way back to our room.  it is very nice…except the birds In The trees (he says grackles?). They actually sound like a woman screaming and they are right outside our door so I question the grackle name.







Heading north to Corozal in the morning.

…..and just a picture for the family…we brought the 12 year old…



Until next time…..