Being brought up in a “heavy handed” discipline environment, I learned my lessons well. I have grown out of the need to berate my parent(s)for their personal rules of discipline. They were teaching me the way they were taught and perhaps with a little mental illness in the mix. With that being said, I think the lessons we learn as children seem to manifest in our adult life like somehow they are hard wired in us. The phrases that slip through my lips…Why can’t I stop thinking that, why do I keep doing this, why am I so judgmental, I thought I had dealt with this……..
Last night I woke up a lot and each time I had the thought…what is wrong with me…why can’t I overcome this sleep issue…
This is when I realized that perhaps I need to give it a rest. Perhaps I need to take a vacation from my need to dig a little deeper to find the source of this unknown, unrecognized anxiety. Perhaps I need to take in to my heart the advice I freely give to others. Believe you are exactly who you are supposed to be! Personal perfection is an illusion. The freedom I seek is already mine…I will find my peace through the gratitude of the love and light around me. Peace be still.
You have no idea who I needed to read that today. I have these family members who don’t include me in a lot of things. Really I’m mostly just included in family things, for the whole family. But they do things together all the time without inviting me. I usually only know about it because someone (not them) plasters it all over fb. It hurts my feelings and I I start wondering why I’m not good enough to be included. And it pisses me off that it bothers me.
I grew up without any structure and almost joined a cult as a young adult looking for it. Every parenting style has its weaknesses. The ultimate lessons are the same: self-love and mercy.
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