I just Shot my wife

911 Where is your emergency: I just shot my wife

What is the the address of your location: Done

Where is your wife: at the bottom of the steps

Where is the gun: its laying on the table

Hearing other voices in the background, I asked the man to move into another room away from the gun and an officer will be there in a few moments to help him.

This is my memory of a 911 call that occurred in the early 80’s when I was a brand spanking new 911 dispatcher.

I am using this moment to relive the initial part of this story in this blog as a therapeutic tool. My question…because the bones of my day have been tentatively planned out and the last thing I did before stepping into the shower was put eggs on to boil for a tuna salad wrap for lunch…..why now?

As I was shaking the shampoo out of the bottle, my mind took me back to this moment in time which occurred 36 or 37 years ago. It was as vivid in my mind as the day it occurred.

These are the challenges we deal with on a daily basis. My 911 experience of this call and many other calls are events in my life that I attached an emotion to and then filed it away because there was no time to dwell on it. Things needed to be done. After that moment in time, I did not sit with those emotions nor did I acknowledge there was an emotion attached to the event. I just told my story occasionally and lived through it again, again with each telling; cementing the emotional connection in my mind so that one fine spring day in 2021 while washing my hair it comes crashing back.

The lesson I am taking from this right now is that we need to sit with our emotions and not set them aside. Whether it be horror, pain, sorrow, love, laughter…we need to experience the emotion by acknowledging how we feel in the present moment. Not try to push it away. Feel it…and then release.

So that is what I am doing with this event in this blog. For what ever reason, I remembered! The emotions of horror came back while I was taking a shower. I acknowledge the fact that what I experienced was dramatic/traumatic. I acknowledged that I had not actually felt it…felt it within…and now after giving the memory the intention of healing, I’m blessing it and releasing it all the while accepting the parts everyone played as humanity played out it’s best and it’s worst. I release it knowing I AM who I AM and this was a moment in time that needs to be remembered in a new way and then released with grace!


To: Jasper County Iowa 911…I thought about you guys

As an explanation to those of you who have chosen not to work in the emergency services business i.e. 911,EMS, Police, Fire, Nurses, you are lucky that you do not have to really get to know the humans that are actually not quite at the top of the food chain.  I’m talking about the people who absolutely cannot function on a daily basis without the help of one of the aforementioned services.  I’m not talking about what we accept as normal society.  Not arguing whether it is their fault or their parent’s fault or the fault of a substance they choose to use.  After a 30 year career as a 911 dispatcher, I’m still bitter.

With that being said.

I have heard many jokes from cops, on the threshold of retirement, threaten dispatchers that they are going to sit on the porch and call 911 every time a stray dog walks in their yard.  Why is this funny, you ask.  Because this is the life of cops and dispatchers…this is acceptable behavior from those people I was talking about who absolutely cannot function on a daily basis without the help of emergency services and feel they have the right to clog the emergency system with their 911 to the detriment of someone who may be dying in a house fire. ….and quite frankly, these people are not held in very high regard…so this is not so much funny but a gallows type humor, so to speak.

So….I was sitting on the deck yesterday watching the geese on the pond….as they landed on land, they started creeping up into the yard … one little step-peck at a time until they were no longer on HOA yard but MY YARD.




I love the geese who have made their home here in the neighbor…I just don’t love the evidence left in my yard once they step-peck-honk back to the water.  First, I thought about calling one of my old 911 peers and telling them there are geese in my yard – send a cop….and then I wanted to call the HOA President (who also happens to be a 911 dispatcher here) and tell him that I want these geese required to carry poop (oh NO there is that word again) bags to clean up after themselves.  But, I didn’t.  I just enjoyed the little scenario playing around in my head!

All of this because I’m retired, recovering from surgery and apparently don’t have enough to do!

Until next time….

Everything back to normal

This morning  I hung up the shift bidding sheet for 2014…my name isn’t on it…no regrets!

Other than an extra mortgage and utilities for two houses, it has been nice to be able to slowly make upgrades on the Missouri house and slowly move things from one place to the other.  What isn’t wonderful is the double life we are leading.  At first it was very refreshing to have our own house down there when we visited the kids.  Each wonderful long weekend was followed by a 4 hour trip back to Iowa – home to the critters and Dish TV.  It was around Thanksgiving that I started having a major aversion to the return trip.  As I mentioned in an earlier blog, my dreams are even different between the two houses/cities/states.  This week, after 9 days, it was especially hard to leave my Missouri life…we drove separately and met up in Bethany for lunch at McDonalds (my first fish sandwich for awhile) (need to hit McDonalds more often)…We talked about what kind of relief we would feel once our life is no longer disjointed….AND the kitties won’t have to be alone for weeks at a time 😦  Thank you Carmen Keith for checking on them!!!! It takes a village.

Two hours into my Monday shift, I’ve been yelled at because someone’s car has been repo’d and it is almost paid off (almost being the operative word), I’ve had two people call because uh ya, I got a question, 2 cellphone heros/tattlers on the interstate and two 911 calls that were actual emergencies.  Those were the highlights…I’ve actually talked to several people who didn’t want to have to bother us and had actual non-self made issues but they are the minority.  I’ve already made it back to exactly the same place I was before I went on vacation.

Happy Birthday Nancy, Deaton, Lennie Rae and Bengi!

Until next time.

911 may have given me a cold heart?

My mother asked me one time why I had become so cold hearted.. the “X” was tallied in the column of “She doesn’t know me”.  It did make me step back and wonder if this is the way other people see me because inside  I’m a whimpering basket of compassion and love so much that I often lose myself while being enmeshed in someone else’s pain. (edit note) I just deleted a paragraph rant.

Which brings me to the regular, horrible posts on Facebook about old people dying, skinny pets, dogs laying by caskets, mangled children and a myriad of other horrible things that happen to good people.  I can’t stand it.  I don’t read them and frequently I hide them from my news feed because every time someone comments, it shows back up at the top of my news feed.  What is wrong with me or my better question…what is wrong with everyone else who actually reads them and passes them on.  I can’t read this stuff…it goes right along with my inability to watch movies or TV where someone is shot up, bloodied up, uncomfortable or being abused…or wild animals eating other wild animals is so disturbing..well, other than snakes or gator abuse…I could probably stomach that…No offense you Florida Gator fans.  I would seriously rather watch sex than violence on TV and at this age, I can’t really say that sounds like an appealing way  to spend my evening.

Perhaps when I retire and get away from the craziness of what people intentionally do to each other and/or the horrible things that happen to good people, I will be more normal.  But I wonder…

Until next time….

It’s so hard to be quiet…sometimes.

One of the rules with social media and my job is that there is a fine line between the two.  We use the social media as a tool in the job but the job should never bleed over into social media.  With that being said, It is so hard sometimes…I don't question the rule but so many times I want to share the details…mostly to share a very disturbing fact about society and lack of many learned life skills that many of us take for granted.  I can divide human nature into two distinctive categories.  Those who can handle stress and those who cannot.  I'm still totally overwhelmed with the woman who called an hour ago to report an accident…totally out of her mind…she wasn't involved in the accident nor was anyone she knew…she and her husband saw a car go off of the interstate…while I'm sure the imagery was quite dramatic, this woman was so bat shit crazy that I'm guessing she peed herself because she had no self control at all.  Other than alerting us to something going on, her call was totally worthless…..totally.  I would rather talk to 10 cell phone heros who don't stop at an accident but feel the need to dial 911 to tell us about it than the one person who has stopped at the scene who cannot speak in a complete sentence even if someone's life depends on it.  What is it?

He and I got our Fitbits in the mail yesterday.  We are officially hooked up.  I'm not sure what I expect but I'm hoping this helps to motivate me because the proof of the movement is in the readings.

Toe has a bruise this morning from the fall of the huge steel box I dropped on it night before last.  Seems to have taken awhile for the bruise to show up.  If the bruise is darker in the morning, I think the description of the box will be bigger…depending on the shade of bruise color, the story may take on a whole new life of it's own and the size of the steel box may move more into the bank safe category.

Until next time….


Holy crap, Batman…we got it all…everything that was intended for us.  Freezing rain, snow and snow drifts…most gravel roads are completely blocked…there are several people sitting in their cars waiting for plows on gravel roads…county road crews tell us they are doing the highways first – then will start on the gravels – just making one sweep and moving on…if the road isn’t opened today – they will get it tomorrow…. ahh – yes the heartland, God’s country 🙂

I slept from about 1800 to 2030 then couldn’t go back to sleep…I traded Kim..so I worked 2300 to 0300 then went back to bed..she called my cell and got me up at 7:22…I showered and now feel fresh as a daisy.  The night dispatcher put a chocolate on my pillow when she left – that was fun…then someone hung a sign on my door resembling a bear on a cot that said “bear hibernating do not disturb”.  Kim, I know your handwriting and artwork.  :)))))

May not get home tonight…we’ll see.  I’m on my days off.  I will call Jenny to see if they have been plowed out..surely one of us will have a plowed road.

Later from the arctic…..

My dad would be so proud…..

For those of you who have been around for awhile and know that I think my mother is a narcissistic old lonely woman who won’t give an inch…you will understand when i say…I don’t have to visit my father at the cemetary as she demands nor do I need to spend his birthday and their wedding anniversary with her…my dad pops up in the most unexpected places.  I know that my dad is smiling down at me today – perhaps chuckling because I planned ahead and prepared for the worst…this was his motto…always be ready for the unexpected.

The weather radio went off this morning at 0700 advising not only a winter storm warning but a blizzard warning. ice this morning and 7 inches of snow by afternoon with winds 25-35 mph with gusts of 50.  Travel is not recommended and thank goodness everyone seems to have heeded the warning except the 50 year old “you-know-what” who t-boned a pickup this morning and then led police thru the streets of Newton on a chase..ended up driving down the railroad tracks for about 7 city blocks and ended up broadside…and…of course he wasn’t injured…just intoxicated…this occurred at 10:00 this morning…..10’o-clock this morning.  Endangering everyone in the middle of an Iowa blizzard…all I can say is WTF….and you know what that stands for….with morons like this, I have total job security….

Back to dad….so I got up this morning and collected my “army” cot, blankets, my sleep machine, toiletries, towels and a change of clothes along with my laptop and 2 CDs of the show “6 feet under” and loaded them in the car.  I get off at 1700 today and have to be back at 0300 so decided not to even try to go home – I live the closest of anyone to work but I live on gravel…to you in other states who don’t even know what gravel roads are…they are impassable during a blizzard…not plowed…can’t tell where the road ends and the ditches start…usually drifted several feet by the high winds….so …I’m sleeping in the women’s locker room tonight…actually…this might be fun.  Hey…this is winter in Iowa…we are not selective about fun!!!

The saint I’m married to will take care of the 3 dogs and the cat and the Helen and Frances next door.  I’m getting the sweet end of the deal….