Does everyone do it or am I just a professional ruminator? and by ruminator, I mean continuously mulling it over in my mind until 1) I am able to name it; or 2) my subject matter morphs into another subject entirely…which gives me the opportunity to compulsively focus on IT. While brooding about my anxiety tonight while trying to cycle my breathing with his (but not to the earth shattering pitch), I fell upon the idea that perhaps I’m not suffering full blown anxiety, I just can’t shut my mind off which leads me to be anxious because I really do need to go to sleep and I just can’t! I also realized that my over analyzing does have an end…and that finalé occurs when I can label the mental flapping, stick it in the right drawer and then move on.
With this little morsel of information, I realized that I have to analyze or name nearly everything that meanders through my mind during a 24 hour period. I pigeon hole, pigeon hole, pigeon hole everything once I can categorize and label it! Few things are accepted at face value, few things can just be put to the side…they must be analyzed ad nauseam.
Sunday morning news shows are a great way to pick up more fodder to think about. During a two week period, I spent considerable amounts of brain cells thinking about politics, immigration, the racial discord with police and the release of the CIA report. I watch/see/hear about these threats to America and my attitudes and opinions volley back and forth. This past Sunday, I was able to finally sit down and share a conversation with him…I was able to firmly name where I stood on the issues and now I have moved on. I probably should just go back to bed and try to go to sleep now that I’ve gotten this all down in black and white . #&(!# …and I think that is exactly what I’m going to do. So….
Until next time….