Healing really does bring new perspectives! I’ve blogged and blogged and blogged and talked and talked and talked about my mother’s narcissism and my upbringing – the psyche job she did on me…it is fading…I’m starting to be able to get past the bad with a different perspective. I wish I could have been in the place I am now when she and my dad were still alive..but, of course, that is impossible because I was living what I thought was my nightmare! It’s okay. I’m not beating myself up now…I’m just finding peace with the past. One of those moments came yesterday. In some year before she died, she acquired (either a gift or bought it herself) this little Christmas dog…it sings blue, blue Christmas and turns it’s head while it sings. I’ve had it under the tree this year and Jax found it yesterday and learned how to turn it on and make it sing. I had an overwhelming sense of sadness – how delighted she would have been to know she had a great grandson and that he would be playing with her toy. I love Christmas time…I’ve figured out that it isn’t actually Christmas day that I love so much but the magic of the season and I got it from her…she loved it too and it is one of the most loving memories I have of her. The magical Christmas season!
Jenny worked late last night so we took Jax with us to do some shopping and hit Chilis for supper. He’s 19 months old now and this is my favorite age…I remember my daughters reaching 18 months and how much I loved their wonderment of everything and their acceptance of joy.
I wish I could upload video to wordpress…I took a video of him cleaning the table with a wipe before we put food on it – as his mother has taught him. Pure Joy.
…and not wanting to share his bounty of snacks before his food comes…he genetically got that from me. I don’t share food. LOVE!
Until next time….