Being a gramma has helped me work through some guilt

I’m one of those lucky grammas….retired, I live close to my grandkids and get to spend quality time with them several days a week…and through the 4 year old, I’m opening myself up to life..love…acceptance…joy and sadness for what it is…right now…it is what is happening right now at this moment. There is no perfection in crafts, there is no horror about a little paint on the table, there is no hurry, there are no rules.. it just is what it is!

During my child raising years, I turned inward with guilt because I wasn’t building ginger bread houses out of graham crackers, I wasn’t playing Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders, and while I was helping force a Barbie leg into a Barbie outfit, I was not engaged in child’s play very often……that’s not to say never. But my girls and I, as children, had Aunt Frances. she was childless and never too tired to play a game, teach us to knit, take us to movies and just mindlessly play with us. We didn’t appreciate it at the time….and these memories are hitting me today because I feel the annual Christmas cry burning my nose.

Parents just don’t have time to be a co sibling or an Aunt Frances no matter what TV or internet posts tell you. Parents are working outside the home, worrying about the money, cooking, cleaning, attending school events, doing laundry, trying desperately to share adult time with their partner and just trying to be an adult. I’ve heard so many times that we wish we would have had our grandchildren first…I understand this. What a joy to see life through my grandchildren’s eyes. To live simply and to love until your heart bursts.

Until next time….

Grapes, honey and bee stings

While sharing a big ole bowl of red grapes with Jaxon this afternoon, I had another thankful moment.  Grandparents say that if they had known how much fun their grandchildren would be they would have had them first.  Jax and I spent quality time eating grapes together – pulling them off the stem and determining a place we are going to put the little stems that come off with the grape.  I enjoy watching him refine his small motor skills picking those tiny stems off the grape.  I enjoy the announcement with each grape of whether it is purple or red.  I grin as he learns the excitement of getting a grape off the stem without a pesky little stem.  It’s hard for me to be the adult and put the grapes away instead of letting him eat every single one that he wants.  Ya…it wasn’t that way raising my kids.

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Fun afternoon yesterday watching geese from the deck, helping “Nina” water and dead head flowers until a wasp got him.  Suffice to say the wasp and all of his family have now been murdered with chemical.

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Honey is the ticket.  We tried to start with ice but he was having none of it.  Then i remembered something I had heard about honey on stings.  Oh my goodness…I’m here to tell you, he stopped crying immediately and the large white swelled area was gone within the hour.  The only issue was honey in his hair.  Jenny msg me last night to tell me he has a bug bite in his belly button and thought she should put honey on it 🙂  Note to all – miracle cure!

We got pounded with rain last night – rain and wind.

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Broke off a tall limb from one of our trees in the backyard.  Lots of folks had worse damage.  Slept right through the two Code Red notifications.  Need to revisit this possible problem.

Jax and I deadheaded pounded flowers this afternoon…  some are bald.  bummer.

Until next time….

Healing as we age….

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Healing really does bring new perspectives!  I’ve blogged and blogged and blogged and talked and talked and talked about my mother’s narcissism and my upbringing – the psyche job she did on me…it is fading…I’m starting to be able to get past the bad with a different perspective.  I wish I could have been in the place I am now when she and my dad were still alive..but, of course, that is impossible because I was living what I thought was my nightmare!  It’s okay.  I’m not beating myself up now…I’m just finding peace with the past.  One of those moments came yesterday.  In some year before she died, she acquired (either a gift or bought it herself) this little Christmas dog…it sings blue, blue Christmas and turns it’s head while it sings. I’ve had it under the tree this year and Jax found it yesterday and learned how to turn it on and make it sing.  I had an overwhelming sense of sadness – how delighted she would have been to know she had a great grandson and that he would be playing with her toy.  I love Christmas time…I’ve figured out that it isn’t actually Christmas day that I love so much but the magic of the season and I got it from her…she loved it too and it is one of the most loving memories I have of her.  The magical Christmas season!

Jenny worked late last night so we took Jax with us to do some shopping and hit Chilis for supper.  He’s 19 months old now and this is my favorite age…I remember my daughters reaching 18 months and how much I loved their wonderment of everything and their acceptance of joy.

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I wish I could upload video to wordpress…I took a video of him cleaning the table with a wipe before we put food on it – as his mother has taught him.  Pure Joy.

…and not wanting to share his bounty of snacks before his food comes…he genetically got that from me.  I don’t share food.  LOVE!

Until next time….