When the scar tissue is too thick

I remember the first time I felt bad enough to seek out therapy, I was a well functioning mess! That was many years ago. The nice face and laughing, loving personality was a facade. I should have been in Hollywood….pretty much everything people saw was an act. Therapy helped…I was able to dangle low and could reach the bottom to tie on the knot. I got better and was on anti depressants…I felt like I had seriously dealt with my demons.

A few years later after an anti depressant change, I was going under again so same place, different therapist (a woman this time), I blistered the walls with fire and hate. I unloaded. I discontinued therapy sooner this time because I felt like I had seriously dealt with my demons. But I remained on anti depressants.

If you have read previous blogs, you know that in February 2017 I stopped anti depressants. It was difficult. It was ugly. It was good. But I’ve had to learn to live unmedicated. Mild depression waves in and out….anxiety seems to be my most serious complication. I chose to change my behaviors…I started meditating, living more spiritual and learning to be more mindful. But I also realized that there is sill more crap I need to deal with which I will describe as needing to do plastic surgery on the scarring left behind. It’s different. The scars not the injury is the best way I can describe it. So, I’m back in therapy. I feel good about it. I’m probably not going to share a lot about it. I’m more vulnerable now and not full of hate. It’s called recovery!

Thanks to you who have been along on my journey so far.

5 thoughts on “When the scar tissue is too thick

  1. There are always more layers. If there are ever no more layers, then you would be fully enlightened. First, there are your layers as an individual. Keep digging and you find the core issues of humanity. As the layers and wounds are exposed and aired out, on the one hand they stink, but on the other, that’s where the beauty and love shine through. Keep going!

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  2. Good for you. I wish you continued success on your journey! —That sounds so trite, but I really mean it. ❤

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  3. Hang in there! I am glad it is helping. I have found for myself that I just have to stay in therapy. We are fortunate with our insurance that it only costs $20 a visit. Craig calls it my mental health touch up. We have both decided that it is well worth the money for me to keep going. I wish you the best with your journey.

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  4. I am glad you are seeking help when you need it. You deserve to be happy and peaceful.

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