19 to 59 years old, I really could not be stopped! I look back at those years now and wonder who that person was..59 was just two years ago. Seems the moment I walked into my first job for an insurance company roughly 40 years ago this month, I began my 40 year energizer bunny phase. Jobs, kids, vacations, volunteering, senior family caregiving and socializing when I could. I don’t think I regret any of it. Oh, sure, in the abstract there are things I would do different. Several of those “if I’d known then what I know now” moments…and the obvious lineup of old pictures showing my weight fluctuations and hair styles.
I remember as I got older that I craved to dedicate one of my days off just to myself to be able to sit around and do nothing. Sometimes that helped…sometimes it made me dissatisfied because it gave me the time to ruminate about how to get off the roller coaster and relax…but I always belted back in and continued.
Now that I’m retired, I frequently have to psych myself up to get in the car. I’m content to do whatever it is I do all day. When I went to the mailbox yesterday (which is my daily outing), I noticed my retired neighbor outside working in the yard …. dripping sweat…later she sent over tomatos from her garden and I learned that she had canned several tons of tomatoes and salsa. I thought, ya…I used to do that…don’t wanna! The fact that I don’t wanna really bugs me. I’m just content doing what I’m doing….but I want to be content with being content. I still haven’t been able to cleanse my brain of “should”! Will this eventually happen or do I just need new batteries?
Until next time…
The “should” is not your voice. When you think of it, it might sound like someone else’s voice, which you can then ignore.
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