Mother is fine.  She wanted to dialogue with me about what happened this morning.  I decided to treat her as a small child and not give her any attention for her bad behavior…I had to go over to deliver mail and take a package inside for them…she followed me around asking me inane questions about it..figure she will probably use it to get to go to the doc…”he” and I both told her that Aunt Frances did the right thing calling an amb because she wasn’t responding…she remembers being nasty to the amb crew…I think she wanted me to tell her it was okay.  It was not okay…I just told her that nothing could be done about it now and I had to go eat supper.  Let her dwell in her own mess…I’m not playing the game.

Gas was 1.99 a gallon in Lebanon, Missouri and seemed to get higher the further north we traveled…I think it is $2.29 here and that really irritates me.

The Lt’s came over for coffee tonight and brought circus peanuts.  Do you know how much I love circus peanuts…I remember when I was young, I ate so many that I up-chucked them….when I mentioned it to them, they were more than willing to sit around and watch me eat them – they were hard up for entertainment….

I seem to have been taken over by I don’t give a shit-itis.  Things that used to be very important to me are not important anymore…I want to stay home…I want to work on projects…I don’t need drama…I have no desire to “get ahead” at work…I don’t want to spend time with people I don’t have real affection for..I do not want to play games and force myself to be phoney so as not to hurt someone’s feelings.  If I don’t want to do it – I’m not going to do it…If I want to do it – I will do it.  Is this an age thing? …. or have I just finally figured it out?  I’m going to commence being true to myself…

Until next time…..

I do have to make special mention of Brett and Christa’s dogs.  Daisy has been around for awhile.  She is a great little camper and guarded our camping site every night…she’s the most loveable little cocker spaniel..

Chloeeeee just came into their life.  She was a skinny little stray that jumped into Chris’ car one day and wouldn’t get out.  She was not quite so well behaved but she is adorable….

she is being held by Christa’s sister in law in this pic…spoiled already?  uh ya.

This one just cracks me up!!!!

In a funk.  That’s it.

I couldn’t sleep for some reason so I was up around 0500…I wandered, checked the computer, check DVR recordings and came across the Sex and the City movie… but it didn’t seem right to watch it…was almost like breaking the rules…..WHAT RULES….I live my life by my conscience, for the most part.  When I go against my conscience, I feel like I must need to apologize to someone or I feel bad because I did something wrong….and taking it one step further – I’ve always thought that God gave us a conscience to direct us doing right and wrong…

I watched Sex and the City movie…it’s 0930 in the morning and I just watched a movie.  Who cares…where does this sense of right and wrong come from?  I know I always try to do the right thing…and I guess the right thing is that which has been put into my head by my upbringing, by my parents…by the adults in my life, perhaps. I don’t want to scream at the top of my lungs during prayer at church, I don’t want to run naked down main street at high noon…but maybe I need to stop taking myself so seriously…stop trying to be “perfect” – perfection is in the eye of the beholder?  Maybe I need to step out and take a chance…ask myself why….just why.  Is there a reason for my decision or is it because it was my parent’s decision…hmmmmmm

Until next time….

I got my free flu shot today from the county health nurse…I usually have it given in my hip…today she told me that I had tough leather skin on my hip…well, thanks very much…I also have really large strong hands to go around your wrinkly throat….ahem..anyway…Do you get a flu shot?  or am I just playing into the hype?

I am so bummed….I take pictures of everything…but I had a sort of party/bonfire tonight and didn’t take any pictures.  Mike and Kim and Sarah were here…and then on the other side of my life, Deb Cooper was here – we went to church together in the 70’s.  Karen and Ed were here.  Karen and my brother -in-law used to be an item and that is how I met her…Deb Cooper (who I hadn’t seen in years) and Karen are nurses and were teaching when low and behold Sarah became a student of theirs…Sarah knew that Karen knew her mother Kim thru me but she happened to ask Deb Cooper if she knew Kim…uh, no…then she asked her if she knew Nina Brown and Deb initially said no – then she asked Sarah if she meant Nina Green (my maiden name-there is a story there too) and it all came together – one of those 6 degrees of Nina Brown.  So…they were all here along with Jenny for supper and then “he” started off the bonfire…which was just a little trickle of smoke to start with due to the rain in the last couple of days – but bring on the blow torch and we had a wonderful rip/roarin’ fire….it was great to get together with everyone.  Kim and I had visited Karen a couple of years ago when she was stationed at Walter Reed Army Hospital in DC…Kim and Karen hadn’t seen each other since then and Deb Cooper and Kim had never met….but no pictures…..

Just planning to “hang out” tomorrow – I go back to work Thursday night and only have to work Thursday and Friday nights – we leave for Bennett Spring on Sunday.  This will undoubtedly not be the only time I mention it…

Until next time…..

 Mom!!! look what Baxter did while you were gone….

He’s working on the boat…we got the new seats, we got the carpet, he is putting the deck on … it is October…

Early summer, I showed you the beautiful green cornfield across from our house….

Another sign of fall…the leaves are starting to turn…the hickory tree has lost almost all of its hickorys

…and they are dropping from the red haw tree

but the true sign of fall

the beard…..

Until next time…..

If you haven’t spent a lot of time totally alone with the only stimulation being yarn and a crochet hook, then you may just think I’m wacked or morbid…but tonight – I was listening to another agency talking about an accident and the victim being unconscious….I let my mind wander…If someone would have asked me if I was claustrophobic, I would have said – nope…don’t think so…I read a book not too long ago where the character was crawling thru a cave and it kept getting smaller and smaller to where he was having to drag himself thru the small places and I got this creepy, disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach and thought – wow, I could never do that.  Then there was the MRI experience – I wasn’t even in the tube – just my lower body – my head and arms were flush with the tube but there is no way I could have sat up.  This gave me that same sick feeling in the gut.  I decided that it is not being able to get up/sit up/at least sit in an upright position/being tied down that brings on the fear.  Tonight I took this one step further…what happens when we are unconscious or comatose?  What if I’m laying in a bed someday and am in a coma – in a coma to the outside world – but what if I’m totally normal in my mind – I just can’t let anyone know.  What if “he” plays my favorite music, everyone talks to me and holds my hands, he brings the dogs to see me and I can’t respond…I’m trapped….it totally scares me….

So…don’t think about it – get back to crocheting!!!