I’m a couple days over 2 months being anti depressant free. It’s been interesting and a learning experience these last couple of months. I find myself with feelings and emotions I haven’t felt in many years. I’m having a difficult time expressing what I’m really feeling…unless I’m happy and laughing, I know I’m shutting down. When I’m angry or stressed or hurt I’m feeling it and going into silent mode…I know when it is happening but I can’t seem to pull myself out of the plastic bag….I withdraw. After some complete shutdown periods last week, I realize that I need to figure out how to express myself appropriately. I know this has been difficult for him but it is something he is going to have to deal with. I don’t mean that to sound insensitive or bitchy…it just means that I’m struggling to figure this out and he’s going to have to have faith that it is going to work out. It is a learning experience for us both. I’m actually feeling kind of good about these emotional swings because I’m feeling SOMETHING!
There have been some good things too. I did it today. After a haircut, I drove through Blue Springs with the windows down and my radio cranked. I was listening to talk radio so I wasn’t singing and popping eardrums but I felt good…so good.
Because of my age and genetics, I’ve decided to let my hair grow its natural color…which happens to,be white and gray. My color goddess, Nikki has helped it along a bit so it isnt completely white yet but I’ll get there.
Until next time…..