The next part of the journey…

My only concern for getting off the meds revolved around the withdrawal and whether 15 years of doctors and the pharmaceutical propaganda that I could have a serotonin problem and would have to figure out how to force myself to find other means of coping with the “disease” while laying on the floor in a heap of used tissues.  That was it!  What if I’m really depressed and fail!!

What I didn’t prepare for was ….as my daughter put it last night….welcome to the world of normal emotions.

Thankfully, the bedrock emotion for me is love and thankfulness!  But this weekend, I have been all over the place.  From incredible love and thankfulness and vulnerability with my sister-in-law, friend, rock, Gena to hot, Annie-get-your-gun rage when my IPAD started acting up, to being totally contented watching a 54 minute video on YouTube of a stylist precision cutting a woman’s hair into a Claire from House Of Cards style.

I graduated with honors from the university of People Pleasing.  I know how to act and what I need to do or say to be liked or even loved…but what no one knew except me was that I was NUMB.  My happy/sad meter didn’t move very much in my head.

NOW is now.  I need to learn how to accept criticism and learn from it, how to channel real joy, sadness and anger.  SItting  on the couch 14 hours a day finding things to focus on to occupy me is not the way to live a full life.  I’m now going to focus on learning to channel my emotions, gett off my ass and live.

A friend of mine was relating this morning her journey in detoxing from a mind numbing Med.  I told her this journey has shown me that I am, indeed, a strong woman.  I survived one of the hardest things I have ever attempted.

Until next time….

3 thoughts on “The next part of the journey…

  1. Reclaiming your life is not a pretty project. When we take back our lives, others will not always approve. It takes strength to deal with your real feelings. Be gentle with yourself in the process.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kudos to you! I had this exact – feel your emotions – discussion with someone yesterday. This is life. Feel the feels.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are so strong and amazing Nina, I look forward to hearing all of your new thoughts. 🙂


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