I have been building a friendship with someone I have been acquainted with for several years. This is one of those friendships being built on shared interests and shared experiences. I have felt connected to her for some time after learning of her struggle and recovery from past emotional pain. We chatted PM last night for quite some time as we each shared some of our own childhood demons with one another.
Regurgitating some of my mother crap used to send me back into nightmares of anxiety and depression. Last night’s discussion did not have that effect…I felt cleansed. Talking to her had me realizing that my history was nothing in comparison to the crosses a lot of people bare….and, most importantly, I realized how far I have come in recovery.
Sometimes our vulnerabilities, lack of trust and fear of being rejected or just that old stubborn pride keep us from taking steps to rid ourselves of what we don’t really like about ourselves. It’s there. It’s evident by our internal jealousies and anger…by putting up a huge wall between us and other people…by not being genuine in our relationships for fear of being hurt. I know that it takes a lot of guts to not just accept but to talk to someone else and slowly start letting it out. Clinging to the same old pain only makes the pain continue.
Changing and healing is a process. The first step is working through our vulnerabilities and fear and sharing a story. No apologies for our feelings – they are our feelings and as my therapist shared with me….feelings are our feelings – they are like the weather and we cannot change them…until we start changing the things in our heart and our life that are causing those feelings.
I’m blessed to have those friends in my life who allow me to be me and love me anyway. It is what makes me real.
Until next time…..