I believe I am a victim of my own circumstances and my own making…there are perhaps some genetics at play in my life because after all – and I quote my mother, “you come from a long line of big women”.

Oh = holy mother of God…what a great excuse!!!!

Heard it many times…said it many times.  If I had known I was going to get old, I would have taken better care of myself.

In every thing we do, we make choices.  Sometimes we feel we don’t have any choices or we feel that the choices before us are not ideal…but we make choices…if we choose one little Y in the road different, everything else will turn out different.

I had my followup appointment with the urologist on Wednesday.  I cried internal tears of joy when he told me that he got it all within the kidney, the tumor was between 6 and 7 cm in size.  He advised me to followup with the pulmonary specialist ref the noted teeny tiny nodules in my lungs but said he was pretty confident that even if there were something there, it would not be a metastasis of kidney cancer.  I will see him again in 6 months for x rays and blood tests and again in a year for a ct scan…….I’m the luckiest person alive!!!!!

Later that night, I read up on my particular clear cell RRC.  While there are cases of family history and genetics at play in some cases.  I do not fall into this category.

Smoking tobacco is the #1 reason I probably developed kidney cancer…google it if you want the particulars….and if you are a tobacco smoker, for God’s sake STOP.

Obesity is the #2 reason I probably developed kidney cancer.

and on and on.

So…I’m not a victim in this scenario.  I made very bad decisions.  But the early warning siren to clean up my psych and live and eat healthy was received loud and clear.

Until next time….