I was going through Aunt Frances' pictures last night – discarding the scenery pictures taken 1940's and on…also most of the pictures of her dog, Chipper and all of the people that crossed the path of her long life.  I had heard the names of many of them – mostly as a child…I discarded several pictures of the only husband that I think she really loved.  They divorced back int he 60's because he found himself a girlfriend but I believe she mourned the breakup and his death for the rest of her years.  Aunt Frances was a vivacious = totally opposite only sister to my mother…Aunt Frances went to Bible College in Florida in the 30's and held onto the belief in God until the day she died.  She became more God fearing and preachy as she got older…Her younger years were spent irresponsible, care free, enjoying her evenings in the neighborhood bar…I always remember what I perceived as her charmed life with her New Years noisemakers and confetti and paper streamers which would end up in my care on January 2nd.  I did not know this life and I was sure my mother disapproved of fun when I was a child.

Among her pictures were every picture I had sent her of my girls – and many pictures of me – the only child, the only niece.  I spent a lot of time looking at this picture of my mother.  This is the mother that probably should not have raised a child.

This is the mother with all of the problems.  With the somewhat secret life.  This is the woman who formed my impressionable years….It's really strange, I don't look at this picture and feel contempt…I look at this picture and remember this woman as my mother…I guess the contempt came later when I grew up and "realized".

Until next time….