I’ve always been like sweet nectar to therapist, self-help authors, narcissists and manipulative people along with pure cane sugar.  Dad died 10 years ago and that’s when I started to put things into perspective…I wallowed in hatefulness, guilt and self pitty for the next 8 years then mom and Aunt Frances died and I started getting really pissed that people pleasing and anxiety were running my life…it was the only exercise I was really getting.  I seem to be on a continuous rolling sidewalk trying to be content with the person inside my head.  Why do some people struggle with who they are while the next person just accepts their angst and gets on with it?  There are a whole lot of people passing us on the street everyday who have come from disfunction, including mental and/or physical abuse.  Some people accept their plight and appear to live their life without a thought about it, while others bloody their hands trying to climb up the hill to a better life.  Is our societal hatefulness and anger a symptom of not liking who we are inside?

  I also questions this “holier than thou” mentality that I pin onto the far right political conservatives and religious zealots…are they making up for parental abuse of perceived perfection?  Giving them the belief that they are the absolute right (pun intended) and everyone else is wrong…what happens when they fall – what happens when something happens to burst the allusion of perfection..how do they explain in their own minds that perfection is impossible to achieve.  Do they go back to the “do as I say, not as I do” mentality, the allusion of perfection or do they move closer to the left and realize that no one person has the right to control another person….

Conscience – at one time, I believed everyone had one.  Seems striving for a clear conscience  in making decisions rather than relying on allusions of our own grandeur and/or our sexual appendages we would be on the first rung of the ladder to solve all of the problems of the world.

Until next time…..