I have no idea exactly where I was or what I was doing but a fellow that looked very similar to the one pictured above was running ahead of me through the timber. Opening my eyes I thought….well, I wonder what kind of day I should anticipate!
I am holding on tightly to a sentence in Rev Erin’s talk this morning. “Most often the world around me is a projection of the world within me”.
and a line in the anti-apartheid protest song by Peter Gabriel – Biko
“You can blow out a candle, But you can’t blow out a fire, Once the flame begins to catch, The wind will blow it higher”.
Apparently running through the timber following an orangutan was indication that my options were completely open depending where my monkey brain would take me!
Snowing again…below 0 temps again tonight…I was a non believer when I heard a polar vortex was going to include us here in Missouri….looks like we should be climbing out of it this week…I try to see it as nature, as beauty but it is hard for me …. the frigid temps especially. We had been having such a mild winter. The geese had stayed and the pond had not frozen…. but…..
The Easter cactus has its first blooms on.
….and I have His latest creation to remind me to be patient….the sun will come out! (And I’ll be bitching about the heat)
Tuesday was a very pleasant day for us…especially since we have not been out much in the past 5 month quarantine. We have had many conversations about “if we could only go camping” which would require us to purchase a camper…and a pickup to get the camper from point A to point B. For entertainment we have been dream searching for a truck on line which in the back of our minds we had no intention to buy solely because I could not see myself spending hours and hours with other irritable people at the DMV during a pandemic. I could end the story here by saying we went “out there” to search and there is nothing out there…most dealerships we visited had shockingly bare lots. It would have been easier to find a heads up penny in the parking lot than an affordable used truck….or an affordable new truck unless we had enough money laying around to buy a small house.
But this is really a story about attachments. As we sat in the socially distanced show room with a salesman, I told Phil that this is the very first time I didn’t have an attachment to the outcome. Normally I have had my sites set on the vehicle I wanted…firmly set on the outcome that I would buy a vehicle before I left the dealership. Through the crazy discussions … especially those crazy discussions in my head always waiting for the conversation to play out as if I were directing it. Always knowing I could walk out but that really wasn’t a real option because through tunnel vision there was no real option other than signing on the line.
I could also feel neutral energy from him. I knew we were not operating from a place of fear or scarcity. I felt I could think clearly while acknowledging that my happiness and continued blessings and gratitude were not tied up in whether I would/could get my way on someone else’s playground.
Bottom line, we spent an enjoyable afternoon together doing what we have always liked to do together, drive through car lots and dream…envisioning ourselves driving around enjoying the new car smells…in our vision….that will come in the right time.
I went to visit a girlfriend and her husband last night. They lived on a Canal with lots of activity and the husband teared up because he didn’t have a boat for the canal and his wife was upset because she couldn’t visit her brother and sister. I took the wife with me and as we walked through an outdoor area in another country, we met up with a bestie from high school who was there with her family? Entourage? She took us back to her home on a canal. Beautiful place with all of the accoutrements of wealthy living. At first I was overwhelmed and envious but as I spent time at the mansion on the canal, I realized I wouldn’t be able to stand the noise and activity and wanted to move on.
But I needed to make contact with my dad (deceased for 19 years). I had dyed my hair dark…he didn’t seem happy to see me…he was verbally short and very distant with me and I decided he was just depressed..it wasn’t because of me.
I woke up.
Are we untethered when we sleep. Do we actually go places in our dreams…there is no time elements in our dreams. Are life concerns brought to us as we dream in order to work out fears or difficulties we live in our wake states. Should we interpret dreams by the emotions they bring out in us. I say YES to all of them! I don’t believe we can go to a book that gives us a word or event that will interpret the dream for everyone in every situation. But, I strongly believe we would be remiss if we believed that dreams are just an insignificant download of insanity when we sleep.
I usually don’t have these conversations with a lot of people…mainly because I don’t want people to intake a breath and say whooooeeeee she’s a nut. About a year ago, I had a recurring dream three times..the only other times this has happened in my life is when my dad died and I think I was trying to deal with the loss….anyway. I had this dream that I was visitng my childhood home because I wanted to see what it looks like now – there was a huge addition added on to the center of the house right off of the kitchen and that is where the major portion of the detail stops…but it was the same all 3 times. A few months later, I was playing on google earth and decided to fly to my childhood neighborhood…and guess what…the house has a huge addition going north from the center of the house. It litterally took my breath away…..
Every now and then I have those wierd little coincidental things happen like meeting a childhood friend in the very same spot in a certain building at the huge Iowa State Fair two years in a row…that is the only time we see each other – we now live 35 miles apart.
3 or 4 nights ago…my dreams took me back to the neighborhood…I was driving down the street and came to the corner where Theresa Crews lived and there she was – of course, looking the same…sitting in the yard with kids running all over and there were lots of flowers…when I woke up, I thought wow – haven’t thought of her in a long time – maybe I should try to make a connection … I wonder what she looks like. This morning while reading the Des Moines Register, I was stopped once again breathless. There was her obituary….noted in the obituary she married her soul mate in 1994 and combined families which gave her 5 kids and she was a master gardener and it mentions their lawn was the envy of the neighbors. I sat and studied the obit for about an hour…totally overwhelmed…a huge sense of loss even thought the last time I layed eyes on her was probably 1974 when she married the neighbor boy and I was very irritated.