One time he screwed up the pumpkin pie

…..and since then, his pies have been coveted by the family for the pumpkin pie holidays. It was simply the difference between evaporated milk and sweetened condensed milk. This year he added to the pie count with a butterscotch with meringue.

Delicious…and I’m not terribly embarrassed to say I ate one full size slice of each in one sitting.

We had the family for Christmas Eve Day Bunch and gift opening on Sunday and the second head cold of the month finally wore me down Sunday night so I didn’t go to the Brown/Faircloth/Callaghan Dinner on Christmas Day and while it just seems like a total bummer to be alone on Christmas, it was a little lonely with a slice of depressing, but doable. I ate brunch leftovers and watched movies for several hours. Remembering with gratitude all of the Christmases before helped me to remain positive seasoned with thankfulness!

Onward and Upward!

Until next time!

This has been my most brutal holiday Season on record

Just seems like a strange thing to feel in light of past Christmases when actually serious things have happened. Interestingly, I haven’t had my one wrenching Christmas cry this year, rather it has been chopped up between a range of emotions that have made the tears slip from my eyes from pure utter delight to all encompassing rage. I was actually sitting on the floor earlier in the week and thought…oh holy crap…maybe I’m just old and it has caught up to me? Then, I’m really not THAT old.

Fast forward to this morning, when I broke down looking at historical pictures of a shopping mall in the town I lived in for 35 years that had closed down in 1994 and the tears started flowing. This is not normal.

…..and then it hit me. This is the first holiday season in 16 years that I haven’t had anti-depressants numbing me. I’m feeling usual holiday cheer with just a little more delight, I’m feeling nostalgic now in my heart rather than just my head, my sorrow of the absence of past friends and family has hurt me in little bursts rather than all at once producing that sobbing Christmas cry.

I don’t know how or why this realization has given me peace of mind but Understanding seems to have made it reasonable and doable.

Until next time……

Branson and the Christmas Extravaganzal

WE had a great day in Branson and WE loved the Christmas Show at the Moon River theater. Spent the afternoon walking around Branson Landing. The weather was perfect, great stores for shopping we walked and we sat and let the breeze blow through our hair…well, my hair, anyway

Then there was the Christmas Show. 2nd row seats. 😭My tears flowed through nearly the entire 1st half. The Lennon Sisters…after 62 years…were phenomenal. Dianne and Peggy have retired so now performing are Kathy, Janet and little sister, Mimi!

Then there was Merrill Osmond….the check mark for my bucket list…Donnie is cute and all but my favorite has always been Merrill….

NOW I’m in the Christmas Spirit

Until next time….

I’m all up into giving lip service to my inner voice

So since my dad had a heart attack on Christmas Eve of 2000 and died a week later, I’ve had to put that sadness out of my mind and just get on with it. Let’s see. That wasn’t the only Christmas Eve I spent in the E.R. With family…then there was the whole septic tank fiasco one year and had to literally move my mother and Aunt Frances into my living room because my mother had not had the septic tank cleaned out for several years and it chose to purge on Christmas Eve. In fact, just to put it out there…I didn’t get to have Christmas Day at my house on Christmas Day because my mother and mother in law had their individual selfishness about the holiday and I didn’t have the balls to go against either one. It’s not lost on me that I’m just a bitter ballerina. I regret not starting a family tradition for my kids to have Christmas in their home rather than having to keep the peace and showing up for Christmas at our mothers houses at the assigned times! I realize now that I was just trying to be the good daughter/daughter in law and trying to keep the mothers happy.

Once that wasn’t an issue, we had several good Christmases with some friends…we took turns every year. I think our mutual love for Christmas and each other healed a lot of wounds….at least for me.

I was just chatting with a girlfriend because she is starting the holiday tears ….. the 2nd Christmas coming without her mom. I told her that I haven’t had that destination Christmas shopping experience for many years….I avoid it and just shop online and quite frankly, I have no idea why I keep setting myself up for a magical Christmas? Expectation that literally bites me in the ass every single year. I have my grandson(s) now and that is the only reason I don’t just say screw it and escape to a dark cave during the season. Jax gives me hope and shares my love for preparation, decorating and being mesmerized by Christmas lights and the season. I love his appreciation for the magic and I think he is the one thing that keeps me going.

……..and before anyone brings up the catch phrase ….. reason for the season….just stop….don’t even! I got off that bus several years ago.

So, the holidays begin. Shhhhh…I need to listen and understand what my inner voice is saying.

Until next time……