As I get further through my week, I’m able to refocus and give it some perspective. Nothing tragic happened unless you consider a colonoscopy tragic 😳 but the negativity of the week just overwhelmed me. Starting with the prep! I experienced the prep 10 years ago…then again 2 years ago for my nephrectomy, but at the time, I considered it unpleasant but doable. Not a hateful experience. It wasn’t even the “purge” that took me down, it was something in the fact that I was putting that gallon of chemicals through my system which I knew was desperately unhealthy. I was putting the gallons of hatefulness about Trump and the deceitfulness of our politicians into my psych…..I felt I was literally drowning in shit. I mentally fought it all the way through….and do you know what that mental negativity did to me….it took me down into the bowels (pun intended) of negativity!
I was finally able to talk it through with him and as I was able to mentally bring it all together, I realized that I was experiencing real emotions….real feelings without the benefit of an anti depressant to smooth it all out! This is not a poor Nina blog. This is a sharing blog to those of you who are experiencing the withdrawal. Yesterday was my 3 month mark. As I mentally trudged through the complications of the week and the self indulgence of anger, I basically faked it until I could make it. Hes the only one who really knows I was screaming profanity in my head…but I’m also celebrating …. I’m celebrating that I felt real emotion and I worked it out. I put a lot of negative emotions about a lot of things through the strainer this week and I’m starting to see more clearly now. We all deal with it…medicated or not….the difference is our perspective and how we let our own perspective drive our thoughts.
Until next time…..
It sounds like, as you were processing your feelings about the colonoscopy, you were also processing the political chaos. I bet you emerge with a new strength to endure and process future political crap. A handy skill at this moment.
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As I was reading this I was thinking…good! Real feelings, real processing! It’s a tough row. I’m glad you see the light at the end if the tunnel and celebrate it as a success!