In less than a month, my birthday cake will hold up the weight of 60 candles. In my experience, women more than men seems to cringe when the zero is added to a number representing years since their birth. For me, I’ve always paused to contemplate and then moved on because deep down inside it didn’t really matter…..until 60.
I’m probably normal. Running for exercise is not something I even contemplate doing now, my body seems to scream very loudly the day after I lift something heavy, I don’t bounce back quite as fast after painting or climbing 203 steps to the top of a lighthouse. I’m actually tired at night and frequently fall asleep while reading in bed, I crave quiet and relaxation after chasing a 2 year old around all day. These things I accept….with a little sadness….but I accept it.
What I have difficulty overcoming is moving on from the past. While the past has shaped me into who I am today…today is what I have now. I spend way too much energy shutting down a thought that pops into my head during the day. I wish I had done this or that differently. Why was my mother my mother? Why did I not make life changes years before I made them? Why did I develop kidney cancer? What could I have done differently? Why didn’t I do things differently? By reviewing the past, I’m actually missing out on what is happening right now. I know this. I believe this. I work very hard to clear my mind when these thoughts surface. Maybe right now I’m perfectly normal. Maybe lots of other people continue to regurgitate the past. Maybe learning to let it be and love right now is my new lesson to be learned because once I quit learning, there will be no more candles on the cake?
Until next time….