Yesterday morning, I made a decision

My dad died 15 years ago yesterday.  Years past I have dedicated my thoughts to grieving for him all day….during the years that I worked the day shift, I would be up early enough to really get into it and cry during that hour that he died.  I remember one year I relieved Amanda from the midnight shift and she sat with me and gave me hugs knowing how difficult it was.  When I woke up yesterday morning, I chose not to go there.  My thought process led me to the fact that I didn’t need to remember the grief and sink in to that lonely depression that January 2nd usually brings me.  I didn’t mention to him that my dad died 15 years ago today.  I didn’t send messages to the kids reminding them.  I decided that I celebrate my dad every day throughout the year….I remember this, I remember that…he is never far from my memory.

You know what?  It was just fine. Every now and then I remembered but I thought about it and moved on.  Today I feel healthier for not sending my body into the anxiety of once again agaonizing the day of his death.  I made the choice to celebrate him the way I want to remember him…..in love.

Until next time…..

2 thoughts on “Yesterday morning, I made a decision

  1. One time I started to mention the day my mom died to my sister, and she said, “I don’t remember the exact date and don’t tell me! I don’t want to know it!” I was like….wow….I wish I didn’t know the date. But honestly I don’t dwell on that date, or on any dates that I’m “supposed” to. I find myself doing that randomly, like some Tuesday afternoon for no reason at all. And that’s enough.
    So, I’m with you, I think that was a great decision! And probably exactly how your dad would want it. Good for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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