It’s the middle of the night

He and I are struggling with sleeping and I’ve heard from a lot of friends that this is a common problem…I know after a hospital stay, it is very difficult to get back on schedule.  Sleeping in the hospital is not intended to be good restful sleep so the body can heal.  Sleep for an extended period of time is not even possible.  I spent several overnights with him after his heart attack (which surprisingly was 4 weeks ago) and after his bypass surgery.  The nurse, the other nurse who took the set of vitals, the lab techs, then the nurse again to check IV and for pill delivery, then the nurse for vitals yet again.  There was peace of mind with the constant attention and knowing that if anything was going to go wrong, someone would be on top of it…..but for the love of God…he needs to sleep!

He struggles with not being able to sleep they way he wants to sleep because of discomfort from the surgery and I’m guessing some deep anxiety that he is not even aware of.  I know my inability to sleep is anxiety.  The strange dreams that wake me up…dealing, dealing, dealing.  I also know that this is just the way it is going to be until we get some time under our belt.  I also have some anxiety because Tuesday I’m making a one day trip to Des Moines for my 6 month cancer checkup.  It will include x rays and blood tests. While I’m pretty confident that everything will be fine, there is always the little nag in the back of my mind.  What if everything isn’t okay?  My flying kidney solo doesn’t enter my mind very often…yet, it is always in the back of my mind when I realize that there is evidence I need to drink more water or when I have the phantom pains on the left side where my kidney used to be….or when I realize that I tire easier that I used to.

All this rambling tonight because I can’t sleep and there is nothing I’m interested in doing to entertain myself…

4 thoughts on “It’s the middle of the night

  1. I am sorry you guys are not able to sleep. I am having problems staying asleep but it might be related to my breast cancer medication (Tamoxifen). Somewhere, I have heard it contains a chemical similar to those in steroids which would explain my lack of sleep. Still, it isn’t good not to rest your body and mind. I hope you find a sense of peace and confidence so you are able to sleep better.


  2. Sleep is so important, and so hard to come by. I am sure the check up is producing a ton of anxiety, especially now after you have been so immersed in taking care of him. Do you sometimes feel like if you let your guard down….
    I hope you are both happily snoozing now.


  3. Wishing you sleep … but if not sleep, then rest 🙂


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