Mentally paralyzed

These are the times when I have so much trouble getting back to the trail and finding the steps I need to take to get back to peaceful mental health.  

Yesterday was a miserable day for me.  Not in the big picture kind of angst but I just felt there was some kind of little critter in me that was putting his foot on the freeway of the  energy nutrients and they could not make it through.  The bulldozer hasn’t been in to open up the blockage after his heart attack and surgery.  I hope today is the day that I have the umph to find the clearing and get on with it!

Several times a day I think about the Marshall family and wonder how Dorena is feeling…hoping there is no physical pain and hoping for peace to come around in the hearts of the family.

The him-in-law and Gena were here for the weekend.  She and I sat on the deck waiting for the almond bars to bake Saturday night.  

She also has many “roads are closed” issues in her life right now.  We did what sisters would do….what women do….we talked and talked an talked about the various new routes available to her…I don’t have siblings but I know there isn’t a way I could love a sister more than I love her.

…..and so I wake up to another day…apparently I need to distract myself with a project until my head can clear and I can find the road again.

until next time….

12 thoughts on “Mentally paralyzed

  1. Was just running down my reader page when i noticed this pic. I had meant to mention that we have the very same table and chairs. Mine are black. i like them in yellow. 🙂


  2. I’m not sure how you would define “peaceful mental health” . I do not think I have ever had it. I have good days and bad ones and while I really hate the bad ones, they do pass. If it lasts more than a week, it means that I need to quit doing something…it’s usually thinking too much.

    I had a major mood crash Sunday afternoon of Nov 29 and it was gone by Tuesday. It just took one thing to cause it and I knew in the back of my mind I should not have done it. I watched the video edition of my debut at church and I hated it for a number of reasons. I thought I failed to say the things that I needed to say and blah, blah, blah.

    Ya know what? No one else thought that. I was giving myself a beating over nothing!

    Can you identify the thing that might have put you over the edge or is it the culmination of the year’s events? I mean, once PB’s recovery is complete, Y’all will be out of the forest and into the clearing for awhile. So, pull the nose of your personal plane up and get some altitude again. Try not to go too high though. It’s a long way back down…you know what I mean! Start with a very large cup of coffee in the morning. Add some peppermint to it.

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  3. I hope you don’t regret saying that one day. Now that you’ve given me permission and all. 😉

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  4. My take, you’ve been thru a lot. Jesus, give yourself a break. After reading your post, I decided to go ahead and answer it the way my sisters and I talk to each other.
    Because sometimes you need that.
    After the initial shock of what you guys have been thru is over, that’s great, but doesn’t mean it’s over. The reality is you personally have been thru a LOT. You can’t compare it what others are going thru…anybody or anything. This happens to be your “a lot” and just because it’s ok, doesn’t make it less than it was / is.
    Now throw in your concern / heartbreak about your friend. Is it any wonder you’re not feeling so light and skippy? I’m not saying what you feel is no big deal, in fact just the opposite, give yourself permission to feel all your feels. J
    ust know, it’ll be ok. For everybody. Eventually. Ya can’t change much about anything. But I hope you find some peace in where you are and can enjoy the sun when it shines.
    Glad you have someone like a sister to talk to. sometimes I swear mine are the only reason I am still somewhat sane. And sometimes I don’t even have to talk to them, I just know what they’d say. Girl time can be a life saver.

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