I’m pretty deep in thought today. I’ve found myself thinking a lot about life in the last week and a half. he was up a good part of the night because he had too many naps yesterday, consequently he’s been in bed most of the morning which gives me a lot of quiet time to think. I watched about a half hour of Y & R but got totally disgusted. I read a few chapters in a book but couldn’t keep my mind on it. I’ve been up and down the stairs thinking I would bring my Santa Clause collection up but just can’t get there…too much work?!?!
Since my kidney cancer diagnosis in March and his heart attack almost two weeks ago, I’ve been trying to rationalize why these things happen to “good” people. I can’t seem to get over the feeling that these health issues….ours…and the other good people we know…has to have happened because…..
We have a history of not taking good care of ourselves when we were younger. We smoked, we were overweight, we ate sugar, we didn’t exercise. There are times in our lives when we did all of those things but eating healthy and doing cardio only lasted as long as the current trend lasted in our minds. We both had stress…doesn’t everyone? I stuffed it and he vocalized it. We both had jobs that required shift work so we constantly had to adapt to revolving sleeping habits. I hope it isn’t karma because we have tried…failed occasionally….but tried to be kind and generous people.
….and then there are our friends who are struggling with health issues of their own. Some will get a second chance and some won’t. I’ve blamed genetics but our known family health history doesn’t jive. As Jenny said after His heart attack…she always thought I would be the one with heart trouble and he would get cancer.
No idea….just thoughts running around my mind on this overcast, quiet day. If you know the answer, please clue me in!
Until next time….