but I no longer hate my mother. I’m even able to call her mom in conversations rather than by her given name, Helen. This is a huge milestone in my life…I never thought I would be able to feel differently about her…after she died in 2009 and I started the process of healing, I assumed that I would just move on, the memories would fade and how I felt about my mother would just find a seat on the shelf of my heart which holds the pain. Frequently situations and conversations work through my memory that I find distasteful or hateful or whatever…but the bottom line is I realize that she had mental disorders. I don’t know how or why and I will never know how or why so somewhere along the journey, I made it right in my own mind and can say that it is okay….it doesn’t matter…she did the best that she could do…I’m who I am because of her and I like who I am so she did her job.
The most important part of this was to share this with my daughters for mother’s day. They have loved me, supported me and helped me make it over to the peace of understanding. Happy Mother’s Day.
Until next time….