I think I’m going to dump the It’s titles of my xanga posts..although I’m guessing that no one but me saw the pattern..it’s just another small victory in my “be gentle with yourself” aka Anti anal retentive campaign.
The tree outside the window next to my computer desk is starting to turn from golden to brown. I snapped a picture this morning so I could remember the fall beauty that surrounds me and the beautiful view I have while tending my morning computer addiction. But xanga won’t let me add the picture right now??
On with my older is so much better title. It’s too bad that peaceful doesn’t fall on us when we are young..I mean the true peace that comes with loss of the estrogen surge, the career drive knowing that retirement is right around the corner..the knowledge that the kids have spread their wings and the confidence that they are soaring. I love the manic calls home for a mama chat but I know that when the emotional surge ebbs they are going to be just fine. I feel comfortable in the security of my relationships..I’ve had time to sort out the drama from the reality. I’m trying to learn to just be still and know.
I came from disfunction. I’m still trying to pull myself up by the bootstraps and figure out what normal emotions normally occur between the ages of 10 and 50..It’s very painful to think, remember and fight my way thru the distaste of my life….I feel more peace today than I’ve ever felt. Everything is not perfect and there is angst all around me but I’m on the cusp of being capable of relaxing within myself.
Until next time….