Apparently, my subconscious mind has taken the scenic route away from my conscious mind…first time ever I had panic attacks in the middle of the night… I went to bed early with the headache I had all afternoon and evening and quite irritable…in fact i went to bed early so he didn’t have to put up with me and I didn’t jump down his throat for the way he was breathing… I followed the night before’s new game of waking up every hour at the 15 minute mark…then around 1? I ripped off my cpap mask because I couldn’t breath..hmm something wrong with the machine…then I put the mask back on – nothing seemed different but I couldn’t breath…an hour later, same thing, only this time I was reallly afraid because i couldn’t breath, I had to get out of the bed…I was scared and on the verge of crying… I turned on the computer and tried to do a little farming on Farmville…too much..I didn’t want to do that…then my breathing was okay and then I couldn’t breath again…I toyed with the fact that maybe I was having one of those silent female heart attacks…I couldn’t feel my pulse…maybe I should take a tylenol PM – they knock me out — but if there is a problem, I might not wake up. Went back to bed and as soon as I layed down, I couldn’t breath again but I forced myself to lay there 5 minutes, put on the cpap and at sometime I slipped back into sleep… I’m not working today…still have the headache – breathing is fine but I’m right on the edge of crying my eyes out…I try to rationalize what is wrong…there isn’t anything wrong. Think I’m going to write down on a piece of paper the things I’m worried about…and there is quite a list…but there are some really good things going on in my life…hopefully one list will cancel out the other list…

Until next time…