Creativity Death

Nothing can put the kabosh to creativity like death…I think the mind shuts off creativity and all of the other fu fu sectors in order for the body to mentally survive… actually when it is accompanied by other stress related events, I sometimes question how it is possible to just walk about.  I always felt that my mother’s death would take away 75% of my angst…and it did.  Then her only sister of 93 died two months later and there went the other 25%..but was replaced by sadness when Jenny and Ryan decided to move 3 1/2 hours south to Kansas City; and Phil was having some health issues which required future surgery and trips to Mayo Clinic…lots of estate business for the only child…cleaning out mom and Aunt Frances’ houses… adjustment period – whew..then the day before my birthday in March, the person I credit with teaching me the most about life and pushing me to succeed was admitted to the hospital after a scrapped last lymphoma treatment because his blood levels were so low.  One unfortunate hospital procedure after another led him down the path so far he couldn’t recover..he finally passed surrounded with love on April 12th.  3 deaths in 8 months..this one I wasn’t sure I would survive…but there were a lot of us mourning Brett’s death..more togetherness in pain than I thought possible..his death also brought me to my first celebration of life planned by the family.  In the small Iowa town he used to call home, friends and family came together to cry and laugh from our memories..stories of Brett-isms and the passion lessons he taught all of us.  Brett taught my two daughters life skills while he was teaching them an appreciation for music and marching band…my youngest daughter was asked to eulogize him during the service…I’m not sure from where she pulled the strength to do it, but she did it.  So far I am surviving without him..but I am not really without him…he is in my heart…he is still teaching me…why was he taken at age 42…don’t know…

Time to rebuild, time to get back to loving every day just because I woke up, time to let these warm renewing spring days revive me.  Time to remember the quiet strength Brett always provided during this last 8 months…time to provide quiet strength for someone else who may need it.  It’s a cycle…


One thought on “Creativity Death

  1. Oh Nina!  My goodness, you have been through a helluva year.  I am impressed that you are still standing.He must have been just awesome to make such an impact on you.  I am sorry for your loss.I hear you might be having some company soon!  Enjoy your time together. 


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